Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #359

I’m grateful for everything that has led me to be here now. I’ve been living an incredible journey, not just for the last 358 days that I’ve been writing this series, but my whole life. I have survived many interesting twists and turns. I’ve struggled through some very dark times, but I am who I am in this moment because of having been through it all. I can give what I give because of my experiences. I can have empathy and compassion for other humans because of the choices I’ve made to heal any wounds that surface along the way. I’ve gained the wisdom to embrace my light and my dark and love all of me. I know longer feel the need to deny any part of my experience as not serving my highest good. I’m taking no experience in my life for granted. I’m grateful for everything that got me here and allows me to live this life of mine—one precious moment at a time. I’ve stopped feeding the “Why me” story and I’m investing in the “for me” story instead. It’s MY CHOICE and that is so FREEING!

Today, I commit to appreciating the experiences that brought me to this moment. I’m sitting here writing these words and thinking about how over the last 358 days I’ve been able to come up with topics, ideas, tools, memories, and enlightening experiences to help me align daily with the energy of love, abundance, and peace. Many of my experiences were NOT pretty and/or easy, but they are all mine and they served me in so many beautiful ways. I love that my experiences have helped me to understand people on a deeper level and fed my passion to learn more. I’m a better human and mom, because I’ve healed from my past traumas and can openly share my experiences without it causing more emotional wounds to open up and splatter on innocent bystanders. I know how dangerous it is to project open wounds out. Being grateful for the experiences and making them work for me is A LOT less painful of a road.

Today is about being in gratitude for where my road has taken me.

  • I look at the way my mind is processing what comes in and I’m so incredibly grateful that I can now clearly spot when I’m telling myself a painful story.
  • I can quickly go to tapping into what I’m actually feeling without the story and allow the feelings to work through me to open me up to better possibilities.
  • I’m practicing sharing my feelings without blame, but in the acknowledgment that if I don’t, I’m doing myself and any relationship I’m in a disservice.
  • I’ve discovered that I don’t have to attach to anyone’s story that is trying to get me to align with the energy of fear, lack, and separation.
  • I can speak clearly and affectively about what feels right and what doesn’t for my life.
  • I can stand up for myself when I feel my boundaries have been pushed.
  • I can change thoughts and beliefs that are no longer serving me.
  • I have tools to support my wellness.
  • I use self-care regimens that work!
  • I know how to have a healthy intimate relationship with a man.
  • I know how to help others without ignoring my own self-care.
  • I trust that whoever shows up and whoever doesn’t is exactly how it is supposed to be in this moment.
  • I trust that if I’m the one available, I’m the one who is supposed to be there for someone else.
  • I am fully responsible and accountable for the energy I put out into the world.
  • I have healthy and productive self-talk (this was a HUGE one for me)
  • I can question my own thinking and come up with solutions that are aligned with the energy of love, abundance, and peace.

I feel like I can keep going, but the point is without EVERYTHING that happened to me, I would have done specific things differently. I love that I’ve read every book and gone to every seminar, class, and workshop that I have. I’m so happy I met all the people in AL-ANON that I did and was able to work through the 12-steps, which got me comfortable going inside for answers. I’m grateful I got to try so many different kinds of mental, emotional, and physical therapies to help me get out of my own way. I’m grateful I was able to go back to school to gain even more understanding of why humans do what they do. Everything on my path led me to this moment. In this moment, I feel fully aligned with the energy of love, abundance, and peace. I feel amazing!

With Love, Abundance, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2021, Author of Letters from a Better Me

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Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #250

I’m grateful for ALL my experiences. I can say that with utmost confidence. I am grateful for it ALL. There were some experiences that I didn’t think I would make it through. At the time, there we some I wished I didn’t make it through. There were some I saw as bad, but now I see them as my greatest teachers. I’ve been hurt and I’ve hurt others. I’ve felt fear, lack, separation, grief, rage, anger, shame, frustration, and despair. I’ve also felt love, abundance, peace, happiness, joy, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, and AWE. Each experience teaches me more about what it means to be alive.

People tell me things they can’t do because they have had different experiences. They have told me how they can’t forgive, they can’t live from a loving place, they can’t be grateful, and on and on. My experiences tell me I can forgive, I can live from a loving place, and I can be grateful for it all. What happened in my past doesn’t HAVE to weigh me down in this moment or any future moments if I CHOOSE for it not to. Just like others will make their choice to stay in the energy of fear, lack, and separation, I will choose to rise up in the energy of love, abundance, and peace. I’m no better or less than any other human, I’m just making a choice that is best for me. I will not be the prisoner of my story by holding on to the fear, lack, and separation.

None of us are perfect people with perfect lives. Our experiences allow us to feel all the emotions that are available to us. Knowing these emotions is a connection to our souls and the souls of every person on this planet. When we get beyond our STORIES, we can be present to all the feelings that come with being alive. We can connect to ourselves and others on a much deeper level—the soul level. When we get to experience each other’s souls, no distance and time exists. We become one, the way we were meant to be.

All my experiences helped me find my path home to the soul. My life is filled beyond measure with levels of love, abundance, and peace in the knowing that I can be free as long as I keep choosing to be free. No matter where I live, what I do, what is done to me, no one can ever tell me what I can and cannot be on a SOUL level. My soul is my power source.

I’m grateful for all the humans who have mastered this. If we look throughout history we can find many stories of individuals who managed to live fully and with purpose despite being tortured, raped, starved, and shoved down time and time again. In my studies, I’ve found one common thread through it all, and that is love. Love is the soul’s language. When we want to connect to the soul and to the soul of another, we have to first EXPERIENCE love fully within ourselves. If we don’t, it’s tainted. We will get back what we put out. All the unhealed parts of us will be reflected back to us in others. For me, that in itself was enough reason for me to do the work to get to the place where I let go of the trauma in my stories and transmute them into the energy of love and connection.

Today, I commit to being in gratitude for ALL my experiences. Some experiences are easy to say I’m grateful for and others take work. Sometimes it takes writing letters of forgiveness to myself and others. Sometimes it takes really investigating how I keep my stories of experiences alive. There are times I need help from friends and/or professionals. Whatever the case may be, it’s always worth the work to let go of stories of the past that are keeping me in the energy of fear, lack, and separation. I can’t do that if I’m not willing to look at the experiences life has offered me with a new perspective lens.

Being grateful for all my experiences has helped me to see the the power of the stories we tell ourselves. I’ve seen how they can help and/or destroy relationships with others. I’ve seen how they can encourage or diminish goals and dreams. Whatever we convince ourselves IS, so it is so important to be conscious of the stories we are telling ourselves about our experiences. How I see my own experiences is mine. It doesn’t matter how others view them. I’ve got a couple in your face lessons about this. First was as a rape survivor when people would tell me how I was going to feel and carry my experience with me. If I listened to them, I would still be living as an active victim today. I also got to look at it by living with a narcissist and watching how he used my story against me time after time. When I changed my story, I took his power over me away with it. That was an amazing experience of empowerment. I’m grateful for the experience of being in that relationship and the experience of growing out of that relationship. That is the power of inward journey to the soul. Both experiences empowered me in the best of ways, how can I not be grateful for them?

Do you still have stories that are keeping you prisoner? Do you want to find your freedom from them? If both answers are yes, you just took the first step. One of the things that helps me is to write out the stories I’m telling myself. I look at all the ways the story is keeping me aligned with fear, lack, and separation. Then I look at how holding onto the story is being reflected back to me with any existing chaos in my life. Then I start thinking about better and more productive stories that align me with the energy of love, abundance, and peace instead. The Universe starts working with me to help me release the old and bring in the new. People, books, articles, events, etc. all start showing up to help me find my path to freedom. It’s a process. For deeper wounds, this may take some time with some professional help. There may be some tapping, EMDR, cord-cutting meditations, amongst other things involved. The key is to show up and be open to what is revealed to help you heal and return to the energy of love, abundance, and peace.

With Love, Abundance, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2021

Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #16

Avoiding, suppressing, and numbing feelings does us a great disservice. When those hard feelings show up, they are giving us beautiful signals just like when what we may consider the “good” feelings show up. Here is a secret that will set you free, they are ALL good feelings if you know how to work with them. It’s when we avoid, suppress, and numb them that they fuel the energy of fear, lack, and separation in our lives. It is a path that creates addiction, prejudice, oppression, violence, and so much more. Look around and you will see it. Unfortunately, many of us are taught that to feel anything that doesn’t put a smile on our face isn’t good. If that isn’t sad, I don’t know what is. Feelings are one of our greatest gifts because they have so much to teach us about ourselves if we just start giving them the respect they deserve.

I find it fascinating when people assume I haven’t been through trauma when I talk about living life from a loving place. It reminds me of old perspectives of truths (beliefs) I used to have. I used to believe that my traumas had control over how I lived. When I would have a Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) episode, which is reliving the trauma, I thought there was nothing I could do, and it would be this way forever. People would feel sorry for me and treat me like I was damaged, and I believed them for a VERY long time. Until I didn’t. I got enough seeds from people who thought about past trauma differently, and with that the flame was lit and I grow stronger and brighter with each revelation that comes from FEELING the FEELINGS that come up, when they come up! YES!!! My feelings are the windows into my healing and I’m so grateful for every single one of them.

Long ago, someone said to me, “You are rarely reacting to the person in front of you.” There is usually a trigger that takes us back to another time where our boundaries, safety, self-esteem, and/or feelings felt violated or threatened. Our feelings can be a guide to release us from something that no longer exists. They also help us to figure out when we are stuck in a cycle of energy revolving around fear, lack, and separations. WHY would we want to numb or avoid this? I’m grateful when my feelings show up to teach me something about myself! When we learn to truly appreciate ALL our feelings, we learn not to be so scared of them.

Today, I’m writing down any perspectives of truth that are making me feel trapped in the energy of fear, lack, and separation. Then, I’m going to write down as many other perspectives I can that can move the energy to love, abundance, and peace. I can take this to the point where it is comical, but the point of this exercise is to realize we have options in how we look at things. We can look at beliefs we have about politics, the pandemic, social justice, past trauma, judgments about ourselves/others, or even traffic. We just need to check in with ourselves on a variety of subjects and see where our energy goes. This can actually be really fun to do with friends. I’ve definitely had some tears running down my face, snorting, and hyperventilating from laughing so hard over doing this exercise in the past with people. I’m laughing just thinking about it. I’m going to enjoy this! I hope you do too!

With Love, Gratitude, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2020

If you are struggling and need help figuring out where some of your trigger points are that keep you stuck in fear, lack, and separation, you can read more about this in my book Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World or you can check out my 90-Day A Better Me Series here on this site. Make sure to start from the beginning. You will soon see where many of your trigger points are.

Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #6

One of the biggest excuses to not align with the energy of love, abundance, and peace is our challenging times and past traumas. When we say we can’t do this because… that is a CHOICE not to do it. We are telling ourselves we are comfortable in our pain states and we don’t want to change. As a survivor of multiple traumas, I used to make this choice and it landed me in the psychiatric ward after trying to attempt suicide at age seventeen. It would be a long time and a lot more trauma before I realized that I was projecting the energy of fear, lack, and separation into the world by holding on the way I was. I believed (a perspective of truth) that I was protecting myself, when really I was not only causing myself harm but bringing that energy into ALL my relationships (EEEK).

Whatever we tell ourselves is true, is true to us. This is why it is SO important to be conscious of where we are putting our energy in each moment. We have the power to re-wire/ re-train our brains to go to different thoughts when we face challenges, what better time to practice this than right now. Byron Katies work taught me to REALLY question my thoughts. If a thought creates dis-ease in my body, I pay attention and ask myself, “Where would I be without the thought (name the thought)?” This practice truly helps me to see that my thoughts can be changed, if I CHOOSE to change them. One of the steps I use to keep my brain wired for love, abundance, and peace during challenging times is to find lessons to be grateful for.

This might not be easy in the beginning if your brain is used to staying in the chaos, which mine was. Now, it is one of the first places my mind goes after I fully feel my way through whatever is happening around me (come back tomorrow for more on that). For today, think about some lessons you got from challenging times that have helped you in SOME way, whether that be in relationships, work, school, parenting, dealing with negative people, etc. If you want to learn more about why I’m doing these posts, go back to day 1 here.

Now, breathe. Our conscious breath taking is a crucial piece of aligning our energy. When we slow down and breathe through our stressful thoughts, it not only lessens their impact on our bodies, but in the functioning of our brains. Sometimes just taking three conscious breaths in and out is all we need to gain a little space from the stressful thought. This gives a place to question the thought and re-access it. If you have a stressful thought today, pay attention to what happens to your breathing. Stress creates us to hold our breath. Make sure you are taking a long and deep breath in and FULLY releasing it. If you can get into the habit of doing this, you will be able to re-align with the energy of love, abundance, and peace much faster.

With Love, Gratitude, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2020

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Remembering Trauma

How we use are minds to go through the remembering process of trauma can be a powerful tool to help launch us forward, or a cruel weapon to keep us down. What many don’t understand is the choice is ours. Our perception is our power. We can use it to lift ourselves up or to beat ourselves down. We get to choose thoughts of love or fear as we travel back in time. This is no easy task when the trauma is severe. Processing through the lens of love doesn’t mean that the memories won’t make us cry. The difference is when we process the memories through a lens of love—the tears ignite our souls. When we process the trauma through fear—we run into our darkness. 

How We Live is How We Remember

When we choose to live in our darkness (fear), we immerse ourselves in the fear, anger, rage, hate, resentment, greed, envy, and separation within us and in the world around us. Our energy attracts like energy, so we are drawn to seeing the darkness in others. We act as magnets because we need to keep pulling in examples of why the stories are valid. We live in a place of separation from ourselves, others, and the Universe. 

When we choose to live in our light (love), we immerse ourselves in the love, compassion, empathy, joy, forgiveness, wholeness, and inclusion within us and in the world. We connect to the best in humanity. We attract the light in others. We are making the stories we are telling ourselves valid and we are connected to ourselves, others, and the Universe. 

Can we fake it? On the outside, yes, but our magnetic pull comes from deep inside us. When we are not honest about seeing our own darkness, we may attract the wolves in sheep’s clothing (narcissists, abusers, sociopaths, etc.). We are running and we will be handed lesson after hard lesson to try to help us to move into the light, but as long as we keep telling ourselves to live in the fear, we stay in the dark.  

Why is How We Remember Trauma Important?  

The stories that play in our heads about our past experiences are more powerful than most people realize. Our memory of trauma can ignite buried feelings of shame, guilt, and fear that internally contribute to feelings of unworthiness, abandonment, and separation. There is a piece of us that may feel completely unlovable from the shame attached to an unhealed trauma. When we engage and swim in those feelings, they will permeate into our everyday lives and affect everything we touch. One unhealed trauma can lead to a life filled with resentment and separation, which often times leads to unhealthy addictions. Remember, like attracts like. When we hide from our own darkness, we are living in our shadow. We are caught in that dark tunnel of our minds. 

Here’s the awesome part, all it takes is one seed of light to come in and spread in order to help us start lighting our pathway out. That seed can come from a person, book, posting, place, event, video, story, meditation, therapy session, church service, tree, flower, etc.? That one thing can help us see more light. Eventually if we keep taking one step at a time out of our own mental prison, we become the light.

When we can look back at trauma without feeling the dread and hopelessness, but instead see what we learned from experiencing the trauma without the blame, guilt, and shame—we stop paying the steep price of living in the dark. We start finding hope in what was once madness. We see the strength in the survival. We begin realizing that we are not the traumas we survived. Our worth was there before learning the important lesson in life that the trauma taught us. Now, WE RISE in LOVE. This is where the best solutions come from. Remembering the trauma becomes a tool to help us live better and wiser. With that, we become the light. 

Getting Help

This isn’t an overnight process, and some of us may need a lot more help than others. There are plenty of tools and people out there to help. If remembering past traumas feels like a weight, here’s my suggestion to you:

Get out a Post-It, 3×5 card, or a piece a paper. Write down: “How do I become the best version of me?” Keep this question close to you, and be open to see, feel, and hear the answers. If you hear the same advice multiple times, you can guarantee the Universe is trying to help you.  Pay attention if people recommend specific books, therapists, practices, exercises, videos, articles, meditations, mindfulness practices, gratitude journals, courses, church services, foods, etc.  Just be open! Our worst enemy is a mind living in fear. Our greatest ally is a mind living in love. Be conscious of where your mind is. 

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 83: Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

“I think we are all advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 A.M. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends.”

-Joan Didion

We are the only ones who can invite dark toxic energy into our internal homes. We are the only ones who can turn our homes into dilapidated shacks by not taking care of them. No one is to blame for how we feel inside of us, but we are responsible. The outside world may take away choices from specific situations and we may be led down some paths that our mere physical survival is a miracle—Inside we have choices. We can write whatever story we want about our internal lives. We can connect and/or disconnect to any perspective of truth, story, feeling, and/or thought. We just have to be open enough to see that inside us is where true freedom lies.

In Part II, I wrote about accepting our pasts and releasing the unknown future. The more we can get into the NOW, the less likely that those stories from the past and the attachments to some unknown future will be used to tear apart our internal homes. Trauma therapy uses techniques to help detach a person from the story of their trauma. This doesn’t mean the trauma didn’t happen, but the story of it is what keeps it hurting us now even if the actual trauma happened decades ago.

When we let these stories live inside of us, we are living within a dilapidated shack that needs a re-model to make it the internal home of our dreams. The problem is when our internal world has a dilapidated shack at the center of it; we invite dark and toxic energy into our internal world on a regular basis. We actually are comfortable in that energy because that is where we internally live. We attract people in the physical world who will bring us the energy we feed on to comfortably live within our internal worlds. If we are attached to an internal world filled with chaos, we attract chaos. If we are attached to an internal world filled with fear, shame, blame, guilt, shame, judgment, hate, and vengeance—YOU GOT IT! The Universe will give you what you are asking by what you are projecting out. If your words to the Universe don’t match what is going on inside of you, what is going on inside of you will trump any words you speak. The darkness we invite in is our teacher for some VERY important lessons.

We are responsible for any darkness in our internal homes or dilapidated shacks. Every home will have dark spots, but if we are willing to see them, shine the light on them, and clean up that area where the darkness touched—WE HEAL!  We learn the lesson the teacher brought us. We get better! We strengthen the light within us.

Part of the process to being a better me is being able to see our own darkness with clarity. Our darkness has a beautiful purpose. It can serve us if we are willing to look at it instead of letting it grow, fester, and spread. When we attract someone to our lives that shows us our internal chaos, we have the opportunity to clean up our own darkness. We can’t assign this cleanup, remodel, and/or gut job to anybody else. If we want to change, we have to take the responsibility to look at ourselves when presented by the darkness in our physical world. If we are attaching to it, we bring it inside of us and we’ve invited it in.

6 Steps to Transforming the Darkness within Our Internal Homes

  1. Recognize the dark energy festering inside of you that was triggered by an outside source (person, animal, event, object, etc.). How are you responsible for inviting this energy in? What about this outside source created your own darkness to stir up inside of you? What about this source are you attaching to?
  2. See thought options that can shine light on your darkness. Don’t focus on changing your thoughts here, just look at your options of thoughts. What thoughts could bring peace, calm, joy, compassion, empathy, trust, faith, hope, freedom, positivity, purpose, etc. to the dark room in your home? These are your cleanup products and tools to help you fix-up any space the darkness affected. Once you know your options…
  3. Choose an action to help you turn your light on. The light switch can be prayer, dance, meditation, yoga, conscious breathing, mindfulness practices, walking, consciously exploring nature, and the list goes on and on. Many of these tools have been mentioned throughout the series.
  4. Spot the toxic waste left behind from past darkness. Be careful because toxic waste can be tricky to handle. It likes to spread poison within our homes making the structure weak. Like mold, it can hide inside our walls. The more open we are to let the darkness pass through us, the more we will be able to see any toxic spots that are trying to linger, fester, grow and spread. These are those deep belief systems (perspectives of truth) that are latching on to keep the dark thoughts that were triggered alive. The thoughts that were triggered are exposing some of the toxins left behind from long ago they show themselves as entitlement, envy, greed, sloth, vengeance, cruelty, victimhood, and rage—Just to name a few. All of these are derivatives of FEAR.
  5. START CLEANING! You see it; now clean it up with the products and tools you’ve been given. The more you get these toxic energies cleaned out, the closer you get to living and leading a purpose-filled life with a deep connection to your Divine source. Your light gets brighter the more you clean out.
  6. Be grateful for what the dark energy within you exposed. Be grateful for the teacher and the lesson. Now, the old you might have sunk into the depths of shame and guilt when you invited dark energy into your home. You might have contributed to making rooms darker and turning off more lights to the point where things around you began to fall apart and crumble. The better you has the opportunity to grow and expand from the exposed darkness. You have learned how to shine your light effectively into your home and find the secrets hidden in the walls. This is something to be EXTREMELY grateful for.

We now can create an even better space than we had before. We took responsibility for our mess and cleaned it up! So embrace the darkness and what it shows us. Fighting it and/or numbing it (addictions) will only make it stronger. We want to learn from what it has to show us. We want it to help us spot the areas we need to clean up and re-purpose. You have all the products and tools you need in this very moment. The more you use the tools you already have, the more that will become available to you in order to grow and expand from the place you are.

If you are reading this piece separately, I invite you to go back and see what you’ve missed in the series. The 90-Day A Better Me Series is like a puzzle. You want to have all the pieces to see the whole picture. Here’s a quick link to the category so that you can go back and explore what you’ve missed: https://fromalovingplace.com/category/90-day-a-better-me-series/

For best results: I suggest reading the series all the way through. You may find that by doing this you are led to people, places, and/or things that open up new doors and pathways to lead you to be living a purpose-filled life—Miracles abound! You just have to take the journey and trust that at this moment, you are exactly where you are meant to be.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 29 – Self-Abuse

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 29: Self-Abuse

“If you abuse yourself very badly, you can even tolerate someone who beats you up, humiliates you, and treats you like dirt. Why? Because in your belief system you say, ‘I deserve it. This person is doing me a favor by being with me. I’m not worthy of love and respect. I’m not good enough.’”

-Don Miguel Ruiz

In The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, he wrote a few paragraphs about abuse. Reading the passage up above broke my whole world wide open. I felt the foundation under me shake and my house of fear began to crack apart. That is exactly how I felt, Like I deserved being emotionally beaten down. I had to face that I was allowing him to continue to talk to me like I was a piece of trash is because that is how I felt about myself.

 Side Note:

If you have a similar reaction to the material, please exhale now. Make sure to do it all the way. Get all the air pushed out of you and take a few deep breaths. If you need to stop reading and take a break because this passage triggered you, do it. Even after all this time and all the progress I have made, I can’t even believe how awful I was to myself, and how much pain I would allow myself to go through to prove it.

If we don’t want to be treated badly, we have to stop abusing ourselves. If we can’t look in the mirror and be kind to ourselves, we are attracting the energy of hate into our realities. This can come in a variety of ways. People may see us as having a chip on our shoulder. If we have friends they are the kind that will commiserate in our victimhood. We attract toxic relationships. We attract bosses who disrespect us. We have drama all around us. We might not experience it in all these areas, if there is a place we feel confident, we won’t experience it there. What areas we do feel it, we sit and blame the world without taking responsibility for the real person who is hurting us—Ourselves. Our own personal perspective of pain, fear, and suffering is hurting us. We believe someone’s view that says we HAVE to blame someone else for our pain, but the truth is suffering starts in the mirror.

If our perception of ourselves is abusive and full of fear, shame, blame, judgment and hate (like I’ve covered over the last 28 days) we will perceive the world outside of us according to how we evaluate our inner world. If we are abusive to ourselves, emotionally, physically, and/or psychologically we will sabotage everything that will take us to a level of happiness that we are uncomfortable with. The outside world treats us the way we tell it to.

This doesn’t mean that once we have a good self-concept and we take the time to take care of ourselves that challenges won’t come our way. Whatever comes our way has the opportunity to help us grow or allows us to sink back into old patterns so we get the chance to go deeper. Sometimes the greatest challenges help us find the path to serving the world in the healthiest way possible.

A friend of mine once gave me the suggestion to get a picture of myself as a little girl and talk to her in the way I think she deserves. Our emotional maturity stops the second we stop looking at ourselves for the answers and start blaming the world for how it treats us, this is the time we become vulnerable to addictions and abusive cycles in our relationships.

When we are victims of trauma early in our lives, it is very challenging to come into adulthood with a healthy self-concept. We weren’t emotionally mature enough to see beyond the black and white. This person did this to me or this happened to me, so it is the fault of the person or event. It is easy to stay the victim once we have been a victim. We don’t know better. I know I didn’t! I tried everything I could think of to try to help myself like therapy, church, spiritual groups, reading, in-treatment programs, outpatient programs, affirmations, writing, reiki, healings, and meditation.  Even with all I tried, I had to go through years of suffering to finally get that my problem was how horrible I was to myself. None of the help I got stuck, because I was still abusing myself.

After focusing my unhappiness on someone else’s drinking for way too many years and letting that be my excuse for treating the situation with hateful energy, I finally reached the point I needed dig down through the rocky foundation and get rid of all the hate making my life so miserable. The 12-steps of AL-ANON helped me dig myself out of the hole I created. I didn’t realize how powerful my shame cycle was until I dug myself deep into the work.

I didn’t go through this phase of my journey alone. That helped me see that I wasn’t the only one who beat themselves down. I started looking at the world differently. I wanted to live a healthier life, so I started seeking different ways to view the world. Everyone is different, but what I realized is that I needed examples of different ways to do things. I needed to see relationships that were healthy even in the midst of struggle. I had to teach myself a new way of looking at myself. Otherwise, I would continue to send this hateful energy out just for it to be returned back to me. I was done with this vicious cycle.

After peeling away layer after layer I started to see patterns of self-hate that went back beyond me. I saw how toxic my parents relationship was and how I continued that cycle because it felt normal to me. I had belief systems that worked against me in so many different ways to squash my value and self-worth. It was important to me to acknowledge the beliefs that hurt my view of myself.

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We will get the lessons we are ready to learn from. We might need to build some strength and courage before we can go deeper into what we are feeling. I got to the point that I attracted a narcissist to my life, because I needed to see just how far my darkness went. If it wasn’t for that extreme lesson, I don’t know if I ever would have figured out how cruel I was to myself. If you haven’t read the shame section in 90-Day A Better Me Series, it is an important one to look at in order to set yourself free from the self-abuse cycle. Shame was covered on Days 7-12.

Just for Today

Get out a piece a paper or a notebook. Look in the mirror. STAY THERE! What is coming up? If it gets uncomfortable stay longer! Write down how you are talking to yourself. This can be a layered process. If you feel like this is too intense to do right now, Louise Hay has a book called Mirror Work. It guides the reader through a whole program of doing the work in the mirror, one day at a time. On your journey with me, I don’t spend too much time here, but it is an important place to go back to make sure you are being honest with how you really feel about yourself.

Come back later to see today’s Letter from A Better Me. If you are ready to really dive into the work, you can sign-up with me to do the 35-Day A Better Me Boot Camp (click here for details).

When you are doing this work it is very important to be gentle with yourself. Don’t abuse yourself for abusing yourself. Our pasts can help us grow or hinder us from growing. It’s all in our hands.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Did you read today’s companion piece? 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 29 – How I Abuse Myself