90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 84 – Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of My Internal Home

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 84: Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of My Internal Home

Dear Self,

I’m responsible for any darkness that turns into toxic energy in my home. I’m the only person who can keep it out. If I have attached to someone else’s toxic energy it’s because it exists in me. It may look different, he could be an abuser and I may be a recipient of his abuse, but I only accept his abuse if I’m abusing myself inside, which would be my toxic energy. I’ve been there and done that, no need to do it again. I couldn’t think of a better reason to STOP abusing myself. I can’t make others change their toxic energy, but I can change my own. I’ve come along way from the days where I accepted unacceptable behavior from others and/or myself.

Now, it’s about making sure the toxic energy doesn’t come back in to germinate, grow, and expand. The only way I can keep this from happening is get the lessons from the darkness that enters my world, and turn on the light. Toxic energy can’t grow in my internal home if I don’t attach to stories about the past or future. When I’m present, there is no story. I can deal with what comes up in the moment.

When I’m present, I’m aware. I can learn from whatever darkness starts to stir inside of me because I can get a clear view of it. I don’t have to let it turn into toxic energy. Toxic energy is what creates the toxic patterns that get me into trouble. Addictions are birthed and fed in toxic energy, so I need to be aware if I start doing anything to the extent of addiction, because succumbing to addiction is just another form of self-abuse. I can’t numb my darkness away; it only would turn into a fast growing toxic force field around my life. NO THANK YOU! I will choose to stay aware.

If I stay aware, I can check-in with my perspectives of truth easily. If I’m triggered, I can look at if I’m attaching to a perspective of truth that grows hidden toxic energy within my walls. When I stay aware, I can change my perspective of truth to serve the life I am choosing to live.

If I want to continue to consciously choose how I live, I have to keep doing the work. If I don’t do the work, the toxic energy has space to grow. My self-care is so important. Even my connection with God struggles if I’m not doing the work. When I used to get too caught up in my story, because I wasn’t doing the work and staying present, I blamed God for what was happening in my life. I wasn’t learning and growing from the important lessons I was getting, I was using them as an excuse to self-abuse.  I was giving my power away and I was even the victim of God in my story. NOT GOOD! When I do the work, I choose to live my best life and my connection with God is solid and healthy which engages my light.

When I do the work, I keep my light on. When I’m shining my light the people who are attracted to my life are shining their own light without trying to dim mine. The people who are stuck in their darkness aren’t even attracted to me—They are repelled. That’s why I stopped taking it personal when people don’t like me. I trust they aren’t meant to be in my life. When I don’t attach to the story of why someone doesn’t like me, I’m free to continue to shine my light.

What keeps me shining bright is gratitude. I’m living in true abundance when the energy of gratitude is filling me. Toxic energy has no place to hide and/or grow. It dies! My life is full and expanding. There are no empty holes to fill, just room for growth and expansion.

When I operate from a place of abundance, I live from a loving place. I give from a loving place. I receive from a loving place.  There is nothing more fulfilling than knowing that what I’m authentically putting out there is what I’m getting back. Even my lessons come from a loving place, and I can see the benefits. It’s AMAZING TO LIVE FROM HERE!

I know I’m not going to stay in this energy every second. I will slip, stumble, and fall as apart of my learning process. I simply just do my best. I learn from my slips, stumbles, and falls on my ass and I grow. If I choose to linger in my darkness, it’s because there is a bigger lesson to learn there. It just means I need to move deep through it and see what comes out of the depths. This is an important part of my growth, and accepting that is doing my best.

This process isn’t a one or two time fix. These are the tools I need for a lifetime. I know I may forget to pick one up, forget about one, and/ or upgrade my tool chest, but the important thing to remember is that I have a choice in how I choose to grow and expand my internal home. I am the only one responsible for keeping it clean and maintaining it. I can’t be scared of the dark. I have to be willing to shine the light by repeating and expanding on the tools I’ve learned.

What’s important to me is to stay open to change, grow, and expand. This means I have to embrace my lessons and see the blessings. This is the life I’ve chosen in order to keep my internal home clear of toxic energy. Doing this doesn’t just benefit me; it benefits all the people I have relationships with. It benefits all the causes I serve. It benefits the bigger picture of this life.

If I don’t have toxic energy in my internal home, I’m not spreading it to the people around me. I’m taking responsibility for my darkness and not blaming others for my triggers. I’m whole. I AM!

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful for each new day because everyone I get gives me an opportunity to be and do better.
  2. I’m grateful for all the lessons that helped me to clean my soul with my tears.
  3. I’m grateful for my ability to see toxic energy and take steps to clean it up.
  4. I’m grateful that my love is stronger than any fear that I need to face.
  5. I’m grateful I AM.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

See today’s installment 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 84 – Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of Our Internal Homes to see each step today’s letter revealed.

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 84 -Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of Our Internal Homes

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 84: Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of Our Internal Homes

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.”

-Anais Nin

Once we bring awareness to our darkness and take responsibility for it, we can shine light on any toxic energy hidden within the walls of our internal homes. On Day 83, I gave “6 Steps to Transforming the Darkness within Our Internal Homes”.    Darkness will show up, because we all have dark corners and shadows there to teach us on our journeys. We learn so much from the darkness within us. Yesterday, I talked about cleaning up the toxic energy and build-up that the darkness exposes when we decide to turn our lights on in the dark rooms. Today, we are expanding on that concept to focus on how to keep the toxic energy out of Internal homes. This isn’t a boot camp, 90-day, 6-month, and/or yearlong submersion program. There is no short-term fix for a lifelong learning process.

10 Steps to Keeping Toxic Energy Out of Your Internal Home

  1. STAY PRESENT! The toxic seed can only be planted, grow, and spread if you get stuck in your dark stories of the past and a fear-filled unknown future. When you get out of your fear-based stories, you don’t germinate the seed. You can stop it at the source when it gets handed to you.
  2. Stay AWARE! If you spot darkness within yourself, work through it. Do NOT run away or numb (addiction) it. Those methods turn darkness into toxic energy. Instead of learning and expanding, you avoid and shrink. If you are blaming, shaming, or judging someone else for your darkness—You still have work to do! That toxic energy will spread if you don’t shine light on it.
  3. CHECK-IN WITH YOUR PERSPECTIVES OF TRUTH. Make sure they are aligned with the light within you. A great intention is to shine your light on any darkness inside of you.
  4. KEEP DOING THE WORK! Your self-care regimen (Day 73) is an essential piece for ensuring that you don’t allow toxic energy into your internal home to fester, grow, and spread.
  5. KEEP YOUR LIGHT ON! Like mold, toxic energy grows in the dark hidden walls within your home. Keeping your light on means you are using the tools and techniques you’ve learned along the way to spot sources where there are leaks that can cause a build-up. Make sure you know which tools to use to help you keep your light on (i.e. prayer, tapping, meditation, worship, yoga, dance, writing, swimming, nature exploration, etc.). Only you can know which tools work best for you to help you keep your light on at all times. You have to truly connect and align with your actions or your light dims.
  6. SHINE BRIGHT! Keep your light in the energy of gratitude. Gratitude’s light energy is vast and expansive. It is the light of abundance. When you operate from a place of gratitude, you are running on a full tank. Your light will guide you and keep you focused on the best you have to offer the world.
  7. LIVE FROM A LOVING PLACE. When you live your life from a loving place both internally and externally your darkness will stay your teacher, but it won’t grow into toxic energy. Your love will simply dry out the toxic seed so that it’s purified.
  8. DO YOUR BEST! You are here to learn. You will be the teacher and/or the student many times over in this life. You will be given some lessons that were inspired by the light and others that have to be learned through your darkness. If you learn the lesson, you don’t have to repeat it. If there are deeper lessons to hit, just keep going and doing your best. The blessings that come from learning are beautiful. No one is meant to do this life perfectly. You need to stop expecting it from others and yourself. If you do the best you can WITHOUT excuses or copouts: your life will be better; your contributions to your family, friend, and community will be better; and the world will be better. A Better you equals a better world to live in.
  9. REPEAT! If you want to keep the toxic energy out of your internal home you will have to repeat these steps over and over. It won’t come out the same way every time, so don’t expect a specific result. Just know when you take care of yourself and stay present, you have the ability to do the best you can in every moment. Trust your journey!
  10. MAKE SPACE FOR CHANGE, GROWTH, AND EXPANSION! When you are on the journey of A BETTER ME, you will change, grow, and expand. Some people will fall off your path and others will come onto to it. Don’t try to hold onto anyone or anything that is not meant to go with you on this path because that can create toxic energy when you are holding on too tight to what you’ve outgrown. Trust your path! Don’t try to force people to walk through doors that they aren’t ready for. They might not be meant to come with you. If they are tied into their own darkness and/or toxic energy and you don’t give them a toxic hand to hold onto, their energy won’t match yours anymore. They become that flip side of the magnet. That goes the same way for jobs and lifestyles. Make the space for your new inner world to show through so that toxic energy has no space to grab onto.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 84 – Keeping the Toxic Energy Out of My Internal Home

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 82 – Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 82: Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.”

-Henry Cloud

In Part II, I introduced the topic of “Healthy Boundaries” on Day 53. If you have gone through all 81 days of this series, and done the work, implementing healthy boundaries will feel natural. If you think that there won’t be lessons that come from skipping steps—You’re wrong. We have to start with establishing healthy boundaries in our loving relationships to build our muscle to be able to handle implementing healthy boundaries with people who are stuck in their darkness. We will get lessons in seeing how far we have come with our boundaries. With time, healthy boundaries stick no matter who we are dealing with. I’ve watched time and time again people trying to skip steps and expect the results from someone who did the daily work it takes to emanate self-love into healthy boundaries—I’ve been there and done that. It’s the long road. It doesn’t work, because no matter how healthy the source you are following (psychologist, author, church, guru, life coach, school, etc.) or be mentored by, YOU CAN’T SKIP THE WORK! The work is what makes healthy boundaries possible. Otherwise we come off angry and defensive in our boundaries because they are coming from a place of fear. Healthy boundaries come from love.

Healthy boundaries only can be implemented when we are healthy. We have to be maintaining healthy internal homes. That begins with a healthy relationship with ourselves. Once we have healthy relationships with ourselves, our relationships with our spirituality flourish. Once that happens we begin projecting our purest and strongest light out into the world. Once we do that, we begin learning, growing, and expanding with the people we invite into our lives. Our inner light is what creates our natural healthy boundaries.

Our boundaries are healthy and solid if we are doing the work to maintain our homes. If we don’t keep up with the work, our homes will turn into dilapidated shacks. If we don’t feed and nourish our gardens while pulling out the weeds that threaten our plants, flowers, and trees we won’t have healthy gardens. It’s that simple but as humans we have ways of making it very complicated.

Anytime we try to find the answer in someone else having to change his or her behavior, we are literally watching a weed take over our garden. We can’t MAKE anyone feel or do anything. Each of us has the free will to do what we choose. The power is not in someone else’s hands to make us happy or bring us peace. We have to make that choice for ourselves by maintaining our internal homes and keeping our lights on.

If you are looking for a narcissist, alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict, abuser, sociopath, schizophrenic, etc. to change, STOP HOLDING YOUR BREATH! People will only change if they want to change more than they want to be in their darkness. The same goes for us. The only person you can change and are responsible to change is you. Here’s the blessing of doing this work, you stop handing your mental well-being over to unhealthy people. If a person who is trapped in their own darkness has shown up in your life, they are there for a reason.

The healthier we are the faster we will learn the lesson. One of mine took ten years for me to become aware of, accept, change my perspectives of truth, and then take action. That was my journey. It was in the learning of this lesson that my healthy boundaries started to take hold, but it was still a couple of years before I learned to stop inviting this person into my internal home. He was gone from my life, but I still let him wreak havoc in my internal home every once and while. The time periods would just become shorter and shorter until the point where I can now look back and talk about the whole decade as an AMAZING learning experience that I’m completely grateful for. For me it had to get extremely bad for me to finally see my part in the toxic relationship. Once I saw that, I began to heal. It stop mattering what he did to me, my focus turned to what I did and could do for me in order not to repeat unhealthy patterns of my past or create new ones.

You are building your healthy boundary muscles. You need to trust that if you let a person who is trapped in their darkness into your internal world, you have the opportunity to learn. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip, give in, and let your thoughts about them stir and wreak havoc in your inner world. Trust the process. What can you learn about the obsessive thoughts that are going through your mind? They are your thoughts, so you can change them, but only if you want to. Remember, it’s not about what someone did to you; it’s about what you can do for yourself to make your life better for having learned something from the darkness. The following steps are in no particular order. The more we practice using these tools, the stronger our healthy boundaries become.

10 Essentials to Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

  1. STAY PRESENT! Someone who is caught in their darkness will be focusing on the past and the future because that is where the stories are. Stay here and now. Only right now matters. You can only make healthy choices when you are in the healthiest of spaces and that is in the present moment. Once your head gets you lost in a story, bring yourself back to now. Take a second feel the life running through your hands. Feel your breath. Look at a focal point. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself back in the present. Otherwise slipping into the darkness becomes much easier.
  2. THEIR DARKNESS DOESN’T HAVE TO BE YOURS. You don’t have to take on anyone else’s darkness (fear, hate, rage, shame, guilt, vengefulness, etc.). Keep at the front of your mind their darkness is theirs.
  3. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF. Nobody can make you feel, think, say, or do anything. You make the choice whether to engage or not to engage, to invite them in or not invite them in, support and encourage their darkness or not encourage their darkness. You can show love and compassion or meet them in their fear—You are responsible for your choice.
  4. STAY IN YOUR LIGHT! If you support blaming, shaming, and judging you’ve chosen to be apart of their darkness and you don’t have access to healthy boundaries when you are in that space. If you stay in your light, you have a full set of healthy tools. Imagine a light-filled force field surrounding and protecting you. When dark thoughts move through you pray for more loving, compassionate, empathetic, solution-minded thoughts to come to you.
  5. STAY CALM! A person stuck in their darkness may tempt to engage you in a battle. Imagine them saying those words to themselves in the mirror. This can help calm you into not reacting to their darkness with darkness. Your rage feeds their darkness.
  6. THIS IS NOT PERSONAL. People acting from a healthy place don’t attack others. If we are being attacked it’s because someone is stuck in a story in his or her head. They may have made us the vandals and/or villains in their story, but whatever the case, if they aren’t communicating in a calm and collected way, they are stuck in a dark story that they have written. You don’t have to take it personally. People are never seeing you through your eyes. They can only look through their eyes. If they are looking through lens darkened by fear. They don’t have the ability to see your light at the moment and for some they may never see your light. You have to have light inside to see light. Like the saying goes—If you spot it, you got it.
  7. PRAY FOR HELP. If you are struggling to stay in your light when faced with someone else’s darkness—PRAY for the feelings, thoughts, words, and actions to help you stay in your light.
  8. KEEP FOCUSED ON WHAT YOU STAND FOR! Make sure your energy is focused what you stand for (light/love) not what you are against (darkness/fear). If you stand for love, compassion, joy, and peace then make sure your feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, words, and actions are aligned with what you stand for.
  9. BE TRUE TO YOU. If you need to remove yourself, DO IT! Go take some deep breaths, go pump yourself up with some positive self-talk, come back centered, and/or walk away if you are in your light, trust that you are making the best choices for you in the moment.
  10. TRUST WHERE YOU ARE IN THIS MOMENT. If you tell yourself you shouldn’t be here, you aren’t going to learn the lesson from the experience. It may be a absolutely brutal experience, but it is meant to be a part of your journey because you are in it here and now. Be open to learn from the moment you are having by facing someone else’s darkness. If you fight the reality of what is happening, you are succumbing to your own darkness. You are stuck in fear. If you enter into your darkness while someone is stuck in his or hers, you are feeding the darkness and giving it strength and power to spread. If you can trust the purpose of this moment, you are feeding your light. Your force field becomes stronger.

The side effect of using these tools is the miracles that come with them. The energy we project and attract makes space for AMAZING things when our energy stays focused on the light within us. Our connections and intuition strengthen and we see the world and the people in it through a completely different lens. If you are connecting to this material, you are on an light-filled path. Trust the journey.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 82 – Implementing My Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations