Letting Go of Past Relationships

Dear Past, 

I’m letting you go of my attachment to you. I’ve let you hold me back for far too long. I will take the lessons you taught me without the attachments to the fear, anger, and pain. I’ve ruined too many relationships treating people like they were the people before them and that’s not fair. Trust has been non-existent, and then I wonder why they leave. I have sabotaged so many relationships by not giving them a chance. 

I don’t want to live like that anymore. I want to be able to treat situations, people, and events as new adventures. I’ve confused trusting my gut with trusting my fear from repeating the past. I get signs of red flags, but instead of listening to them I’ve tried to manipulate them into swinging in a different direction. Really, what I was doing is try to fix past relationships. They didn’t work and neither will one that is full of red flags.

I’ve finally learned that it is better to be alone than in a relationship without trust. I don’t have to trust them as much as I need to trust me. I need to trust the reality of the situation, and I can’t do that if I’m attached to all my previous hurts. I know there will be times where I call on you, because I’m not perfect. I will slip in order to learn. My hope is that when I look back, I will acknowledge what I’m doing and not take it out on the people around me. If I do, I will be aware enough to apologize and own my overreaction to the current situation. 

I’m also letting go of my shame and guilt over my past mistakes. I’ve used my past as a weapon of mass destruction against myself. My abuse has reached to the point where I don’t even like looking in the mirror. I’m over not feeling worthy enough to look at myself. I’m tired of cutting myself down. I’m projecting how I feel about myself into every relationship I have and I’m sick of what is coming back to me. 

Today, I’m going to look at myself with fresh eyes. It is a new day. I I will focus on my best attributes and what I want to give to my relationships today.

Thank you for your lessons. I’m ready to use them wisely. I will create a reality I want to be in. 

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2020, 2018

10 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me

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Sorry for the Times I Didn’t Put Humanity First

Dear Humanity,

I owe you an apology. I got lost in what I was against, I lost sight of what I stood for. I’ve seen politics get uglier and uglier through the years and have felt enraged about some of the mud slinging. Yet, in my rage, I became one of them. One of the people I’ve said I didn’t want to be. I became a person who put agenda before people. I forgot to ask questions before damning other people’s beliefs. This is NOT who I am.

Even if I don’t believe in other people’s beliefs or agendas, I still must be held accountable for the energy I’m contributing. If I forget MY humanity because of politics, injustices, social causes, religious beliefs, etc. My energy is going towards the very thing I’m against. That will only make the hate stronger and that is NOT WHAT I WANT. I’m just as guilty as the person who used the same tactics to keep someone else down. THIS IS NOT WHO I AM

If I really want to make positive change in this world, I have to remember who I am and what I stand for. No life is more or less valuable than my own. The people I don’t understand have taught me some amazing lessons, but I only learn them if I apply the lesson in a positive way. I will not allow other people’s prejudices and entitlement ruin my beliefs about humanity. 

I’m going back to putting my energy toward the changes I WANT TO SEE in the world. I’m going to look for the best in humanity. My energy is going towards the people who are creating change to better and strengthen our communities, communications, relationships, human rights, environment, foods, resources, and positive treatment of children and animals. These are the people I want to give my energy to. These are the people I want to align myself with. I will no longer contribute my energy towards hate. 

I have many friends who don’t have the same beliefs as I do, if I don’t understand I can ask questions. I don’t have to consider them a horrible person because they believe differently. I love my life. I love the way I live my life. My beliefs create my life to be what it is. If someone’s beliefs cause them pain and stress, it’s their job to re-evaluate their perspective if and when they get sick and tired of it. My beliefs tell me to show up with compassion, empathy, and love—THIS IS WHO I AM. 

I hope you accept my apology for losing my way. Whether you heard my angry thoughts or not, I’m still holding myself accountable. I want to be better. I will do my best to put humanity first in all my daily exchanges. I will remind myself what I stand for in the face of hate, injustice, and oppression. I will contribute to the solutions instead of exasperating the problems that hold humanity back. This is my commitment to you. 

#ABetterMe #HumanityFirst #humanitywins

With Love and Gratitude, 

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2020, 2018

11 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me

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A Warning to Social Media Users

Dear Social Media Users,

I know this seems hard to believe, but many of us have been used as a form of narcissist abuse. Many of us have read articles on what narcissists do and we cringe thinking about the poor women, men, and children who have had to suffer at the hands of a narcissist.

The stories might even hit us closer to home. It might have been our family, our friends, or us who is or was the people/person being abused. There are different levels of narcissism, and Narcissist Personality Disorder (NPD), isn’t easily diagnosed. Yet people with NPD have an amazing tool with social media to continue their extended abuse.

The worst part is we are trained to accept and perpetuate abuse in our society when we are asked to quickly judge women, men, politicians, celebrities, athletes, victims, alleged perpetrators, religious organizations, ethnic backgrounds, businesses, etc. We are so quick to judge that we forget to dig deeper. We post things without investigating to see the background of what we post. We leave comments and emojis, likes, and loves on posts, which are actually perpetuating the problem and making it easier for a narcissist to abuse their victims.

We are actually becoming the very thing that many of us are so sick of seeing. We who were once victims have become perpetrators of hate, fear, and condemnation and many of us do this blindly. We may think we are being a friend, patriot, or fighting for what we stand against. We have become a person who contributes to a narcissist’s playground.

Narcissists love making themselves the victims and making their actual victims the villain. Part of their M.O. is that they turn everyone they can against the actual victim of their abuse. They will do whatever it takes to destroy the reputation of the their victim. They try to turn the victim’s family, friends, employers, and communities against them. Now, do see how social media is a narcissist’s playground 

Healthy people don’t intentionally do things to hurt others. SLOW DOWN, think about what you’re reacting to. It may sound like something you went through, it may trigger you because a friend is posting it, it may sound like you once felt. Just stop and think before you respond to any posts that engage in tearing someone else down on a personal or public level.

I know that most people reading this are good people caught up in societal webs made of judgment. I’m not above it either. Here is just one example, I’ve laughed at a person I thought was drunk on a viral video. Through research I found out the poor woman who has been going through hell in her personal life actually had heat stroke. I was so quick to judge her because it looked like someone in my past who was messed up on drugs and alcohol. Luckily, because I have been the victim of an abuser using social media to TRY to hurt me, I investigated and found out the truth. I was horrified that even after showing proof of what happened, the person showing the video could let it continue to go viral after knowing what this poor woman was actually going through. That is when I saw how easy it is to get caught in this web. 

If you post hateful, uninvestigated, and cruel comments on social media, I won’t engage and perpetuate this problem. I won’t be apart of the energy that is allowing victims to keep getting abused. I commit to investigating claims before I show my support. My mission is to swing the pendulum towards love. I commit to spreading the energy I want to see more of in the world on social media. I’m committed to share the best that humanity has to offer.  

With Love and Gratitude, 

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2020,2018

12 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me

Other purchasing options are Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million, Indiebound.org, Target.com, Walmart.com, and more.

#NarcissisticAbuse #Abuse #SocialMedia #ABetterMe

Here are a few other pieces about narcissistic abuse (click on the links to go to the piece):

5 Ways Narcissists Use Social Media as a Weapon

Social Media: A Narcissist’s Playground

How Researching Narcissistic Personality Disorder Opened My Eyes

Dear Fear: A Letter from A Better Me

Dear Fear,

I know you have served me in the past and protected me at times. I thank you for your service in keeping me safe. The problem is now I don’t need protection like I did when I was a child.  Living in your presence on a daily basis is holding me back. I keep attracting more negativity in my life to be afraid of in order to keep you alive and fed.

This doesn’t serve me, or any of the people I love. I can’t blame you, because I gave you power over my life. Some of it I did unconsciously, but other times I knew exactly what I was doing. Now I need to release you and find different ways to cope with the situations in front of me. I’ve realized that if you are in control, love has no room to come through. Your power has been a detriment to my relationships and a drain on my emotions. 

I no longer use you to define my worth. I will not belittle myself in fear of not being loved by others, because I know I’m putting that fearful energy out there and pushing away love. I deserve to feel love from myself. I don’t need your voice in my head making me feel like I’m not good enough. I am!                  

Fear is the gateway energy to way too many bad things. I know when I am living in fear; anger, jealousy, shame, prejudice, and blame are quick to follow in order to support the fear. When I’m not in fear, I don’t have to worry about how others are choosing to live their lives. I’m not in competition with anyone else. I just strive to do my best and help others do their best along the way.  I’ve discovered I’m a better person without fear running my life. I’m free to show more love to myself, others, animals, and the environment. 

I’m also aware of how fearful thinking has skewed my view of reality and took away my appreciation for the present moment. I don’t want to do that to myself, or the people I’m with anymore. Life is too precious to be avoiding it.  My life will no longer revolve around you. 

I no longer need you to help me find solutions. When you are at the core of the decision-making the solutions are not in the best interests for anyone or anything involved. I’m tired of feeling not enough, and that is what believing in you has done to me. I’m so scared of everything, I don’t know what is a real authentic fear and what isn’t. 

I’m tired of not being able to trust my gut because you are weaving a web of terror on my psyche. It makes doing the right thing so much harder, and I’m usually the one who gets hurt in the end if I depend on you.  I’m no longer in need of an energy that will keep me down. I release you so that I can give space for joy, love, and hope to take over my life.  I have finally realized that good solutions don’t come from negative energy.  I’m truly ready to start seeing things differently through love and grace.  

Today, my focus is bringing more good into the world by focusing my energy on the things that will help myself and others live a better life today. I no longer have to fear the unknown future. When I’m free of you my mind clears to make the best informed decisions. I can trust my heart and the energy I put out into the Universe. I can read the warning signs without losing myself to you. I will make better decisions when you are not at the core of my thought process. Today will be a better day without you consuming my thoughts and actions. I lovingly send your energy out into the Universe to be released and transformed.

With love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2020, 2017

13 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me

You can also purchase the book at Apple Books, Barnes & Noble, Books-A-Million (BAM), Indiebound.org, Target.com, Walmart.com, and more. You can find some of the links below.

A Thank You Note to the Universe

Dear Universe,

Thank you for all that you have provided me with in my life. Thank you for making sure I have oxygen to breathe, food to eat, and water to drink. Thank you for all the miracles in nature. From the ocean to the mountains, the birds to alligators, and the flowers to the majestic trees, I’m in awe. 

I’m grateful for the extremities I have, because I know others have to learn to be without. I’m grateful for my voice so that I can stand up and speak the words that are close to my heart. I’m grateful for my eyes so that I can appreciate all the beauty around me, and see when people are in need of help.

I appreciate each and every lesson that grows me stronger, even if I don’t remember to thank you while I’m going through the tough ones. I appreciate the people who showed me what it felt like not to be loved, so that I recognize when I truly am. I appreciate all the love you have brought into my life and the blessings that come with it. I appreciate each moment you give me on this Earth to live, love, and grow into the best version of myself. 

I’m grateful in my power to choose my words, beliefs, feelings, actions, and reactions. My perspective is my power, and I don’t ever have to give my power away.  It is my choice at any moment to use it wisely or learn a lesson from it. It doesn’t matter what anyone else does to me. I can ALWAYS choose to rise above. If I don’t, it is nobody else’s fault; my responsibility is my power. For that, I thank you. I am never powerless to be the best version of myself. In that space, I am most helpful to the world around me.

 I’m relieved to know, I’m never alone. I see signs that miracles are all around me. Your vastness goes beyond what I can possibly understand. I can only hope my gratitude shows in the way I choose to live my life. 

I commit to doing the best I can. I will take responsible and learn from the times I fall short. I will also forgive myself and others when necessary. This way, I can continue to share the love within me and not have it tainted by shame, guilt, fear, anger, and rage because of holding onto the past. 

With Love and Gratitude, 

A Better Me 

Rachael Wolff © 2020, 2018

Just 2 Weeks Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me!

Other purchasing options can be found here: https://fromalovingplace.com/book/

You are NOT Stupid!

To the People who Refer to Themselves as Stupid:

We all make mistakes! Mistakes are missteps, detours, and/or stepping stones to growth (as long as we learn from them). They definitely don’t make us stupid. We may try things and fail again and again. You are still not stupid. You may turn to drugs or alcohol thinking you can escape and find out it only makes everything worse. You are still not stupid. Our self-talk defines what feels normal from someone else. How we talk to ourselves makes it okay for someone else to talk to us however we are talking to ourselves. Make sure it’s good. Our self-talk can be the reason we can’t accept compliments if we don’t believe we deserve them. 

You deserve more than calling yourself names. You deserve more than others calling you names. The first step to living better begins with cleaning up your self-talk. If you aren’t going to do it, you will never be able to feel the full appreciation others have for you, because your focus is on the people who treat you the same way you treat yourself. You have lived and survived many lessons in your life. You deserve to be proud of yourself for still being here. You can take life’s circumstances and learn from them. This doesn’t mean you will do this or anything else in life perfectly, because none of us our perfect. Why are you holding yourself to a standard that you don’t hold anyone else to? 

We simply make choices and we have the ability to make a better choices for ourselves in every moment that passes us. Don’t focus on the future or the past. Don’t worry about where this choice will get you or what has happened before. In this moment, make the best choice that you can make. When you make a choice that brings you joy, celebrate it. When you make a choice that brings you pain, learn from it. Don’t be a prisoner by using your choices as a tool to beat yourself up. 

When you feel stupid for the choice you made, write it down, then right down three better choices. Figure out what is creating you to want to make the unhealthy choices, and then forgive yourself. Thank the Universe for the learning experience. Reframing will help you stop beating yourself up.  You are worth your own kindness. When we are not kind to ourselves, we allow others to walk on us. We lie down and become a doormat willingly because we don’t have the self-worth to say something. We try to prove our worth to others by doing for them what they can do for themselves. This still doesn’t make us stupid. We are doing the best we can do in every moment.

Today, commit to making choices that make you feel good inside. Today, do something for yourself that makes you feel valuable. Try looking in the mirror and saying, “I’m not stupid, I’m learning.” Say it until you believe it. When you do, your reality will shift for the better.

With Love and Gratitude, 

A Better Me 

Rachael Wolff © 2020, 2017

15 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me!

Other purchasing options can be found here: https://fromalovingplace.com/book/

Please Stop Bashing People who Speak Out About Sexual Misconduct

To the Men and Women Who Are Bashing the People Speaking Out About Sexual Misconduct:

There are so many reasons why people don’t speak up right away. Did you know that a lot of us who have said something right away get ignored and ridiculed? Do you know what that does to us when we are told our feelings and personal boundary lines don’t matter? Do you know as a culture we have been trained not to rock the boat? Did you know that some women just think it’s part of being a woman? How sick is that? A woman doesn’t feel that her body and personal boundaries should be respected. Some of us have given in to the way society thinks we should use what some call our assets, but guess what—The amount of internal and emotional damage that does is beyond what some may ever imagine. 

The shame and guilt that comes with not being true to ourselves is a factor in falling into addictions, depression, anxiety, and when it is a really bad situation PTSD. Some people have no idea that it’s not just war trauma that causes it. Part of reconciling all these things is to take our power back. That means we won’t sit on the sidelines and be okay when we see this happening around us or to us. This may take years or decades. These empowered women and men who came forward paved the way for other women and men saying enough is enough. We won’t keep letting this happen. 

For those of you bashing them on social media, I want you to think about your friend list. I promise you your statements attacked at least a few of the women on that list. Some of them might be ready to stand up against it happening to them and you could be a voice that makes them feel shame and fear to not speak out. You could be causing someone you love to not speak out and live with a deep level of sickness that you have no idea about. Do you really want to be that person? 

Some women/men like the attention and the power they feel during sexually fueled power/dominance encounters. That is their prerogative, but that doesn’t mean those of us who aren’t should have to put up with what we don’t feel comfortable with in our interactions. We should feel confident to say something when our boundaries have been crossed without feeling like we are going to be ridiculed or our careers are in jeopardy.

As a woman who has experienced everything from sexual harassment to rape, please stop shaming these women and men for coming forward. Maybe put yourself in the position of someone like me who has PTSD flashbacks.  This  means being pulled in too tight for a hug, a man grabbing me from behind, the smell of alcohol on a man’s breath, or sometimes even an inappropriate comment can make me go through an entire process to get myself out of feeling like I’m crawling out of my own skin. I’m right back in that powerless position of being completely violated. Is that funny to you? Do you want to bash me for having a visceral reaction?  

Think of these women/men as your daughters and/or sons, would you want your daughter/son to accept this type of behavior? Would you want your daughter to feel like just because she’s a woman she should put up with being grabbed, taunted, and sexually manipulated? I hope your answer is no.

We are at an important place in time letting women and men know that these behaviors aren’t acceptable. This will encourage us to be able to cut off a situation as it happening without fearing the repercussions. It will help businesses be more conscious of the problem and do something about it. No person should feel unsafe in his or her personal or professional environment. 

I like to see the best in humanity, that’s why I have so much respect for the men coming forward and genuinely apologizing for their actions. Some men have no idea how their actions are affecting women because they have been taught over and over that these behaviors are acceptable. Those are the men who will change and genuinely feel remorse. They may even turn into our biggest advocates.  The others are predators; they will deny and/or rationalize their choices until the end. We also can’t ignore the attention getters, those who lie for the publicity. We know they are going to come out and they are predators too. They give the true empowered voices a bad name. They are not the majority of people coming forward. Don’t let the few be a reason not to listen to the many. They are our teachers, and how we react shows the people around us who we are. 

Change is the best apology. I see what is happening now as a wake up call to be better and do better. I will stand up for myself when it happens to me. I can’t force anyone else to change their thoughts, beliefs, or actions. I can change how I contribute or accept them in my life. 

All of these women and men coming forward helped me find my voice. For that, I thank them. I will no longer tolerate or accept this behavior in my personal and/or my professional life. I will stand up for those who are brave enough to come forward and I will pray for those who are still trying to find their way. I pray for the women who have gone through this to find forgiveness toward themselves, their assailants, and the people who didn’t stand with them. Not for the people who hurt them, but for themselves, so that the experience can be transformed into positive actions to help themselves and others. I’m grateful to all the women who have helped these women and men take their power back. 

I’m not trying to leave out any humans who have dealt with this either, no matter how they identify themselves. When we use our voices to stand for our fellow humans deserving respect, love, compassion, and empathy— humanity wins. When we stand up, our voices show the world that violating others is unacceptable! When we stand up, we are taking a step to end the violence. Our voice and our actions shows the world who we are.

With Love, Gratitude, and Many Prayers, 

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff © 2020, 2017

16 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me!

Other places to purchase the book can be found here: https://fromalovingplace.com/book/

A Letter to Self: Staying Open to Learn

Dear Self,

Please, keep your eyes open to what is beyond physical sight. Help me to be aware of how my thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and behaviors are guiding me. If I’m focused on fear, please make me aware of seeing my situation through eyes of love. Let me see there is a choice in how I perceive each experience in my life.

When I focus on love, let me revel in the feelings that bring me great joy. Help me find ways to see love in action all around me. Help me to focus on being present so I don’t miss a moment. I want to be available to see all the doors opening in front of me and to know which ones I need to close. 

Please don’t run from yourself. When things come up, face them! I know how important it is to feel the way through the pain so it doesn’t become suppressed shame. When that happens, I end up taking it out on others and it is not their stuff. My awareness will set me free. If I’m aware of where the pain first started, I can heal it. I don’t have to punish myself for things that happened when I was a child or even a young adult. I can see them as growth experiences and just stay focused on being aware of not repeating harmful patterns. 

Lastly, let me be aware of when I am trying to self-medicate through toxic sources. This means, I’m picking friends who are stirring up drama, or I choose to stir up drama; I find abusive relationships whether verbal or physical as a way to abuse myself; I drink to get numb and drunk; I take substances to avoid facing my own darkness; I do anything in excess such as eat, watch TV, play games, and get caught up in social media. If I have a negative vice, please make me aware of a positive one to steer me in the direction of love, peace, and gratitude in my life.

With Loving Thoughts,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2017,2020

17 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me!

Other buying options can be found at http://FromALovingPlace.com/book/

Life Lessons Are Blessings

A LETTER FROM A BETTER ME

Dear self,

Life is full of lessons. I’m done resisting what’s been brought for me to learn. I’m not being punished. I have important lessons to learn in this life in order to serve the purpose I’ve been brought here to serve. My life hasn’t been easy, but I’ve had so many blessing come my way because of my struggles. I love what I’ve learned in my life despite the pain, suffering, and pure agony of experiencing what I had to experience. The pain reminds me of how strong I am.

I’m inspired by people who lived through the worst of humanity and still found ways to serve humanity with love. There a so many examples through history. I don’t want to make excuses about why I can’t be a loving person. There is no excuse. If I want to love, I have to invest in feelings, thoughts, and actions that align my energy with love. If I’m not doing that, I’m not going to project and attract love.

Today, I commit to letting the lessons of my past guide me to being a better me. When I commit to living this way, all my lessons turn into blessings.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2020

18 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me

Other options to purchase your copy can be found here: Http://FromALovingPlace.com/Book/

An Apology for What I Missed

Dear Now,

I never knew how against you I really was. I thought I was more attuned than I actually am. A passage in A New Earth: Awakening Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle just opened my eyes. He explains, “There are three ways in which the ego will treat the present moment: as a means to an end, as an obstacle, or as enemy” (p.202). As I read on it became clearer as to how I really have been treating you. 

As grateful as I am for all my many blessing, I’m finally seeing how I created some serious obstacles to abundance and growth. I’ve been missing so many moments of presence by just getting through a period of time.  If I just get through this time, then I can do… fill in the blank. I’ve used my present moment as an obstacle, hence an excuse not to embrace the moment. It’s because I’m here that I can’t do… fill in the blank. Finally, time has definitely been my enemy as I put my walls up and go into survival mode. When I’m in a situation where I feel attacked and unappreciated, I can slip right past you and not see what is really going on. I’m so far beyond the present moment. I can honestly say, I don’t even know what is happening when I get like this. 

I can’t tell you how sorry I am for being so unaware of how my actions are making me miss some very important moments and opportunities. I’m working on being present and not taking you for granted. I know in every moment that I have air moving through my lungs, I have an opportunity to be grateful. When I am with you and can stay with you, the pain in a moment can be transformed. I can see more than meets the eye when I honor you. 

Right NOW, I commit to having a better relationship with you. I will do as Tolle suggests:

“What is my relationship with the present moment? Then become alert to find out the answer. Am I treating the Now as no more than a means to an end? Do I see it as an obstacle? Am I making it into an enemy?(p. 203)

I know that by doing this, I will find the oneness with life that I’ve been in search of. I know the obstacles will fall away and I will get to experience the one thing I’ve been missing in my everyday life, you. 

I will no longer have to go somewhere else to appreciate a moment of awe, I can do it right here and Now, with you. 

With Love and Gratitude, 

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2020, 2018

19 Days Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me!!!

For more purchasing choices go to https://fromalovingplace.com/book/