90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 60 -Right Here and Now I’m Free

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 60: Right Here and Now I’m Free

Dear Self,

Right in this moment I’m feeling my toes tingle under the wind from the fan above me. I’m hearing the roar of the air coming on and the coolness touch my toes. My thoughts are with my fingers as the words are coming out on the page. Right hear and now I’m free. My mind is a blanket canvas to create whatever reality I choose with each story I decide to believe and follow. I can choose to be conscious and or unconscious with each thought and step I take. I can choose to put my feelings about my spirituality in a container, or I can be in awe of how expansive Divine energy is. I can choose to see each moment as a loving gift from my Creator or a hell on Earth. I’m FREE to choose whatever perspective of truth I want to believe in this very moment and whatever I choose will move me to the actions that go with that.

Right here and now I’m free to be silent, pray, listen, receive, give, and to move in a way that will contribute to the way I tell myself is right for the moment. I’m responsible for the choices I make. The more I listen to the moment, the clearer of an understanding I get for what I need to step into my next moment. Thinking about this process in slow motion is pretty amazing. Right here and now I’m free and I have an abundance of choices, but the choices aren’t overwhelming, because I have peace knowing I’m free.

I still feel my toes tingling. I’m conscious of the noises that are coming from tapping the keys on the keyboard. I feel my dog’s presence up against the side of my leg as she peacefully sleeps. The words are coming out of me as I hear them and I can hear no background clutter in my mind at this very moment. I can feel the sensations in my nose as oxygen comes into my body. I can feel the moisture on the tips of my fingers as they move across the keys. In this moment I feel AWE of all I’m experiencing without the distractions and clutter that come with the stories of the past and the future. I’m free.

Today I’m grateful

  1. I’m so grateful to experience this present moment
  2. I’m grateful for the freedom to choose where my mind goes in this moment
  3. I’m grateful to be free of story in this moment
  4. I’m grateful for all the sensations I can feel to keep me in this moment
  5. I’m grateful for the feeling of AWE that brings tears to my eyes and fills my soul with love

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

Side note: I’ve chosen to not edit this letter because I want it to be authentic to the moment I was in writing it. When we write letters to ourselves they don’t have to be perfect. My letter writing in this series is to allow you to see vulnerable parts of me. How you judge them reflects your perspectives of truth inside of you. Be present to what goes through you. Our responses to other’s vulnerability have so much to teach us about where we are in the moment whether it is in love or fear-based thinking. It also helps us to see where we do and don’t want to be. When we consciously see that, we can choose our next step wisely.

Rachael Wolff © 2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 60 – Right Here and NOW

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 1 – Welcome to the Journey

Letters From A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Day 1: Welcome to the Journey

Dear Readers,

Welcome to the journey of A Better Me. This letters piece of the journey is about connecting to the material in the 90-Day A Better Me Series. One of the things I’ve learned in my experience is that if I can’t make the journey personal, it’s not my journey. I won’t absorb the material in the same way as I do if I’m truly connected to it.

Since I’ve re-written my own story again and again using letters, I wanted to pass on one of the most essential tools in my own tool box. I’ve been amazed at what writing letters has done in my life. This helped me more than just journaling because writing a letter to myself or someone else gets me to engage deeper. The letters become personal contracts to live better.  I fully commit to feeling through whatever is going on inside of me at the time. I found that to be an AMAZING healing and transformative tool. Writing letters helps me to remember that I’m writing my own story. I need to commit to being the leading role.

Part I of the series is meant to stir up your emotions. If the program is working, you will get triggered. You will see yourself more openly. You will have opportunities to make better choices today. This journey is a process. In Part I, I’m peeling back the layers to expose the toxic muck that is keeping you from living your best life. In Part II, I help you to heal and strengthen. In Part III, you will get tools galore on how to grow and expand y to be the best version of yourself. Your relationships will shift and change as you take this journey. Trust the path!

I hope that if you stick to this journey, you will get what you need to become the best version of yourself, the program opens you up to see signs, guidance, teachers, and/or students. This is just the beginning. If you need extra guidance, I have a program that acts as a supplement to any personal development program you are using and/or want to start using. You will see a little more about that throughout the series. For now, enjoy this 90-Day journey. You can read it daily, like a book, or pick and choose what you need. This journey is yours. Just go to CATEGORIES to have direct access to both series.

Remember each day comes with a companion piece on the 90-Day A Better Me Series. Don’t forget to read and follow on long in order to get the most out of the experience. Read today’s here: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 1-A Commitment for 2019

 

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

 

 

Who Do You See in the Dark?

In the dark, I see you. When all the motion of the world has stopped, you are there. In the calm, you come alive. I can’t blame anyone for what I see in the dark. It’s what’s inside of me. In this place, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings fester and come alive. They can lift me up or take me down. I create stories of all my inspirations and fears. Nothing is happening in the moment. My body lies dormant on the surface. Yet, I see you.

During the rush of the day, I miss your power. I can get caught up in whatever is going on. Sometimes I’m calm and collected and other times spinning on the hamster wheel. There are days meditation seems impossible because my mind is running so fast, other days I’m able to embrace the joy and peace that come in the moments of awe and gratitude.

But in the dark, when the world is no longer calling on me, I see you. I might not always recognize you, but I know you’re there. I might not remember to call on you, but your power fills me. You are the me I’ve created in my mind. Only by seeing you, can I take control back and become conscious of the thoughts, beliefs, and feelings I’m feeding into my dreams, which feed into how I perceive the world around me. My world is dictated by this image inside my head. I have the power to create my inner world, but first I have to see the truth in the darkness. Who do you see?

Be conscious of what you create in the dark.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2018

 

 

I Am FOR Love, Respect, and Dignity of Life

I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.

-Mother Teresa

A challenge in my life is making sure I’m focused on what I’m for, not against. The energy we project when we are against something is very strong, and even more negative. This works against us internally and externally in a myriad of ways. First, negative energy is a magnet for more negative energy and actually repels positive energy. This will present itself in different ways in our personal lives. We may feel tired and worn out, find ourselves with health problem after health problem, and/or we attract negative people and situations into our lives.

We can think we are fighting for a cause, but the very energy we are putting out is against something else. When the causes are passionate cries for the betterment and safety of humanity, animals, and nature we sometimes get caught up in the energy of the people who are against the very thing we are for, we become apart of the problem, not the solution. I find I have to check in with myself often to make sure I have my energy going to what I am truly for in life. I have to ask myself a series of questions and watch how my voice, body, mind, and spirit are reacting to my behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. Here are just some of the examples I tend to ask myself:

  • Am I focused on what other people think of me? (Negative energy)
  • Do I feel like I’m being blamed and having to prove myself? (Negative energy)
  • Am I focused on what I don’t like that someone else is doing? (Negative energy)
  • Do I feel exhausted when I’m volunteering my voice for a cause? (Negative Energy)
  • Am I trying to make someone else wrong in order to be right? (Negative energy)
  • Am I contributing to negativity through gossip? (Negative Energy)
  • Am I clear on my boundaries for my own self-care? (Positive Energy)
  • Do I communicate clearly on what is and is not acceptable behavior toward me? (Positive Energy)
  • Are my thoughts, actions, and feelings energized by the causes I’m representing? (Positive energy)
  • Am I treating myself with love and respect before I expect someone else to do it? (Positive Energy)
  • How do I want to see humanity treat each other? (Positive Energy)
  • Am I being the example of compassion and kindness that I want other people to follow? (Positive Energy)
  • Am I speaking from a source of love or fear?
  • Are my thoughts coming from a place of love or fear?
  • Are my feelings projecting love for humanity or fear of humanity?

Now, this list can go on and on, but the point is I know I’m in a healthy place when I start paying close attention to what I’m doing and questioning my own thoughts. This can be a struggle for me especially when it comes things like:

  • Respecting my own personal boundaries
  • Representing women being true to their voices
  • Putting attention on childhood development in schools
  • Helping become more self-aware and promoting self-care
  • Humans treating other humans with respect and dignity
  • Respecting animals
  • Respecting and connecting to nature

Here is the negative energy focus on all the items listed above:

  • People walking all over me and lying about me.
  • Feeling hatred towards men who mistreat women
  • School testing is destroying our children
  • Being against Big Pharma
  • Hating people who aren’t accepting of others
  • Being against animal cruelty
  • We are destroying our planet

When I get worked up on any of the subjects listed above and some others, it is very easy for me to start focusing on the things I’m against. With a lot of self-realization though, I see the damage I do when I keep my focus on that mindset. I can see the good myself and others are trying to do fall on deaf ears. When we stay focused on the negative energy of what we are against. I see how it affects our minds, hearts, and actions toward others. Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Theresa, Buddha, Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, Oprah Winfrey, and so many others lived and/or live their lives according to what they want to represent in humanity. We know all their names. Their messages still ring through in our hearts today. These are my leaders. They remind me about being the person I want to be and not succumbing to fear based agenda. This is true for my personal life and matters that affect my community, country, and world.

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I am for love, respect, and dignity of life. I pray that this leads my thoughts, feelings, and actions more than any of my fears. I know this all starts with how I treat myself. I can’t give what I don’t have. I will honor, love, and take care of myself, so that I may contribute the best of me to my family, friends, community, country, and world.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2017

Breaking Free From My Unhealthy Relationships: Finding Love through the Darkness

I am no master. I have survived some horrible situations and lost much of my innocence way too young. I still fight, cry, and struggle through some of life’s twists and turns. Here is what I know, life is full of lessons and I have survived them all. Some of my deepest scars have helped others through their darkest days. At seventeen, I was lucky to survive an attempt at ending my journey. I didn’t think my life was worth living. I felt like all I brought people was pain. I thought I would be doing my family a favor by not being here. At the core of it all, I felt unlovable and not worth loving at all. My failed attempt changed the trajectory of many lives, not only my family and friends at the time, but the two amazing lives I’ve brought into the world.

The lessons showed me that I needed to keep learning and expanding. I have to keep going deeper into my inner core to see what I really need to be learning from all these experiences in my life. Some lessons I can figure out with a little distance, but others may take years or a lifetime to figure out. All I know is that if I learn the lesson, I can stop repeating it. The lesson won’t get harder, but I will be able to spot the problem before it starts.

One of my most challenging lessons has been with my romantic relationships. I had the patterns of behavior that kept attracting the wrong men. The lessons would get worse and worse as the years went by until it escalated to verbal and emotional abuse. I became a person I didn’t even recognize at the height of the toxicity. I didn’t like the untrusting, unloving, and emotionally unavailable person I had become. Since my mom taught me very young that no one can make me feel anything, and that my perception chooses my feelings and reactions, I knew only I could fix the darkness that stirred inside me.

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Since that is where my mind focused those were the lessons that would present themselves to me. If I focused my mind in a dark place, like I had chosen to do many times, I would dig myself deeper into the problem. I used to focus on the guy I was in the relationship with instead of me. I learned I can’t fix the problem there, because I can’t change him. I can only change me. I found all the books and teachers I needed to help me change my perception and patterns. This didn’t happen overnight, and I’m still a work in progress, but through reflection and watching some of the people I love follow similar paths to what I was on, I see how far I have come.

Now, I’m in a relationship where I love, trust, and respect myself. Since I feel that way about me, I can love, trust and respect him equally. I acknowledge and see where I’m putting past relationship stresses on him and I work through them. No need for dramatic fights and false exits. Does this mean we don’t argue, of course not. We are not going to agree about everything. We do fight fair and know when each other need just enough space to process the information so we can discuss it reasonably.

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Giving and accepting space is new for me. I remember not trusting the space at all in past relationships and thinking that those big dramatic fights were essential. With some, I felt like the end of the world was happening if we couldn’t talk reasonably in the very second a problem occurred. I would panic and get super clingy. With others, I remember walking away and having a man follow me around yelling and calling me names to try to make me feel as small as he was feeling about himself. The knot in my stomach and all my fight or flight senses would be going off. For a period of time before kids, I would try to use alcohol or depression medication to cover up my feelings, but that was not what got me out.

Facing my feelings fully and changing MY behavior towards, number one, myself was the catalyst for breaking free from the pain that these unhealthy relationships brought to the surface. If I abuse and belittle myself, I bring people who will reflect it back to me. The worse I abuse myself, the worse the abuse will be. Abusers can spot our weaknesses from a mile away. There are little signs from the moment we meet them that create a dinging in their ears knowing we are a match. We look for our equals. If we want better, we have to be better. I had to learn to be the person towards myself that I wanted to attract. For instance, I love nature and adventure, but I wasn’t doing that for myself. I was waiting for someone else to take me. Well, screw that! I started taking myself on adventures in nature and what did I attract, someone who enjoyed the same things. We go on some adventures together, but I keep adding more of my own adventures. I expand my adventures every year. This past summer I took my kids on  camping with another single mom for 5 days in Asheville, NC. It was amazing. The adventure didn’t start or stop there, we saw friends, family, and added wonderful experiences to our memory books.

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Before, I kept going above and beyond for men who I hoped would one day give back the same amount of effort. I thought that the more I helped them, maybe they would feel like they needed me and fight for me to stay. I was the rescuer! A superpower I thought I had, but really that was my codependency. I just felt depleted and frustrated and the relationships didn’t work. I finally understood the message from the Bible about treating others as I treat myself. I used to think this just meant treat others, as I wanted to be treated. I kept getting walked on. I now see it as, if I treat others with the same respect and love that I show myself, I will attract people who will reflect that back to me. I will attract people who really want to get out of their misery (if that is where they are). I won’t attract the men who want to be stuck in the victim of the world role and want to take me down with them. I realized the the Bible wasn’t telling me to give myself away, it was telling me to show the world my inner beauty and strength. I have read many books that have the same message, and it took me reading all of them and experiencing everything I did to finally make it sink in. There is no one book, person, place, or being that is capable of showing us everything we need to see. We are human, we have to experience many lessons to get the messages to sink in. At least, I do.

As I grow in love and respect for myself, my relationships gets better. My life gets better. I no longer feel like I need another person to complete me. I am complete. I get to enjoy the man I’m with for being the person he is and what he contributes to the life I want to live. I keep growing and getting stronger. This is the example I want to show my kids. I want my son to see that it is good to be with a woman who loves, trusts, and respects herself. I want my daughter to become a woman who loves, trusts, and respects herself. My job is to be the example.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2017

If you like what you read on FromALovingPlace.com, make sure to check-out other posts and Like From A Loving Place on Facebook (click on the word Facebook for the link). There will Always be helpful hints on how to live from a more loving place. Thank you for reading!

A Month of Gratitude

A couple years ago I took a challenge on Facebook. EVERY day I wrote what I was grateful for in the month of November.This wasn’t the first time I dedicated a few minutes of my day to gratitude. I have used it as a tool for about seven years. When I can’t seem to get my head out of the vicious spin cycle, I go to gratitude. Now that I have a Facebook page: From A Loving Place (click on the red to take you to the page), I decided I wanted to share the gifts that come with focusing our energy in a more loving and appreciative place. If you have Facebook and would like to join in on the experience, please like the page, click “Following” then click on “See First” doing this will ensure that the daily dose of gratitude shows up in your News Feed.

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The state of gratitude raises our vibrational energy and we start attracting amazing people and adventures to our lives. We also help heal the world, because when our focus is there, we don’t get pulled down by other people’s drama. We also become clear enough to see solutions and alternative thought patterns. I hope you will join me in spreading gratitude.

If you don’t have Facebook, I hope you will commit to yourself to write down three things your grateful for each day. Here’s a trick to getting the most out of it: You have to completely engage the feeling of gratitude. Feel the awe of the moment that you are grateful for, and revel in the feeling for a second. I will warn you, some blessings might be disguised as chaos at first. STICK TO IT! Miracles come after the chaos. Our ego gets used to being in control and when we try to break free sometimes everything can look worse, but push through. The miracles are on the other side. If you are anything like me, they will be better than anything you could have imagined was possible.

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Keep your head in the gratitude. Don’t utter the words, “I can’t believe this is happening!” Don’t think or say any variation of it. Saying things like that actually sabotage the good in our life. We send a message out there that we don’t deserve the good that is happening to us, then we start looking for reasons it’s not as good as it seems. Our focus becomes stuck there instead of in the gratitude, so we start finding flaws. Before we know it, the great thing that happened is gone. I learned that lesson over and over again the hard way, I mean beat down with the emotional 2×4 hard way.

No matter what you decide to do today, I hope you have a grateful day!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

You can also find me on Twitter sharing daily gratitude @Wolffspirit9

A Better Life Begins With Gratitude Click this link to read more about the power of gratitude.

 

Embrace the Breakdown

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When I was 17, I struggled with severe depression.  I could send myself into a tailspin within seconds. It got so bad that I agreed to be admitted into a hospital to get help. I used to believe that it was only going to get worse, and that there was no hope in my future.  There was a period of time that I’m surprised I survived.

This was the time frame that I learned to embrace the breakdown. Like many others, I used to do anything I could to avoid the breakdown, but learning to embrace it made me see breakdowns as good things. I wasn’t going to hit an emotional bottom. I was going to break through a barrier that was holding me back.  It is empowering to be in charge and  head down a downward to have a break through. I say I’m getting ready for a  growth spurt. The bigger the spiral, the bigger the growth spurt.  Learning this skill did not keep me from experiencing dark times, but it helped me see that the dark times would pass as soon as I got what I was meant to get out of the situation. A lesson could take a day, month and sometimes longer. It really depended on how stubborn I was being and how tight I was holding on to the problem.

Growth spurts are what I call my emotional break throughs that lead me to better places. I  usually have something great happen after one of my breakdown to break through episodes. After I embrace the breakdown, which is feeling all the feelings that are going through me. Sometimes I am hit with a lot, all at once. Those are my category 4 hurricanes. Next, I look at the situation from other perspectives. I’m not going to lie, I had a great role model for this part. We lovingly refer to my mom as “Pollyanna”. She modeled the skill of looking at things from a much brighter and less sinister angle. I remember getting so annoyed when I wanted to stay in a bad mood. Eventually, I came around and realized it wasn’t that bad. It’s funny watching my kids’ reactions when I do it to them. The best part is, they have now started to keep me on track too when I slip. After that, I look at the lessons in what’s causing me stress, anxiety, and/or depression.

In my early thirties, I was introduced to the work of Byron Katie. A friend gave me a CD series called, Making Your Thoughts Work for You By Dr. Wayne Dyer and Byron Katie. I had already done a lot of work on this, but her methods are truly amazing and easy to use. There are tons of videos out there of her work. Her method is brilliant. She even has an easy to use worksheet on her website. Katie’s way of looking at a perspective is a tool I use on a regular basis when I get triggered by anybodies actions or words. For the parents out there it is a great tool and a great way of life to teach children. It gives us great tools to see our children clearly and teaches them to take personal responsibility, while not getting caught up in what my mom calls, “awful-izing”. It doesn’t mean it won’t happen, but just like anything else it plants a seed.  When they are ready, it will grow.

Another thing that works for me was suggested  by my first sponsor in AL-ANON. She said to stand on a chair and look at the room from a different angle, then do your daily routines in a different order. My favorite was to change the order I put my foot in my underwear. I had to literally put a note in my underwear drawer to remind me to get out of my head and make different choices. I’m in my head a lot! I am one of those people who have to do a lot of work to get out of my head. I love hiking off-trail to help me with that one. When I have to pay attention for sticks, snakes, and direction, my mind stays clear!

I have worked with a lot of people on the topic of personal growth and I can share a couple of observations about what has kept myself and others in the vicious spin cycle longer.

  1. We try to run away from it using people, places, or things. I have used the busy world of doing, relationships with my children, family, and friends to keep me distracted from looking at myself. I have seen others use excess alcohol and drugs. In my experience, it never works to solve problems. Create problems, YES! Solve problem, No! I learned that when I feel over emotional about something I avoid alcohol completely or keep it to one glass of red wine in a relaxing environment. The relaxing environment part is essential.
  2. There is something about the chaos that makes us feel comfortable. Here’s an example: I used to be in a relationship with a lot of yelling and name calling. I was always on edge. I never knew what was going to come next. The reason it was comfortable to me is because it was what I experienced as a child watching my parents’ relationship. There was a normalcy in it. It took a lot longer to break that pattern than it did others. I had to consciously study healthy relationships and surround myself with friends in healthy relationships.

I’m sure there are other reasons, but for me, these are the ones that always stand out.  Don’t be scared to feel everything that comes up. This can take time. This is not a quick fix. If it doesn’t work, go deeper. In the beginning for category 4 breakdowns it would take me a month or longer to get through it all, and some days were downright ugly. As I have practiced the skills and have learned to spot warning signs, I can tend to get through the process in about a day. But, not all the time. Around three years ago, one of my breakthroughs was from a failed relationship that was a carried pattern of many failed relationships. I had tried before to go deep, but it obviously wasn’t deep enough. I had to deal with childhood shame that was buried deep down. That took a lot of time and tears to get through. If there is shame involved, face it. If there is guilt involved, forgive yourself. If there is anxiety involved, get present. Anxiety comes from fears of future, and future in not predictable (at least for most of us). If there is anger, forgive them. Don’t forgive for the other person, forgiveness is personal. Repeat the mantra, “Breakdown to break through, breakdown to break through!” I will share my break through reading list soon.  First, I have to do some digging.

Most importantly, treat yourself kindly from a loving place. It has been said many times by many different people, “We are our worst critics.” We are all doing the best we can with the tools we have been given. You deserve love and compassion just as much as all the people around you.  Cry, scream, let it out! Stop running and embrace the breakdown.