Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #94

I’m grateful that when I align my intentions with my feelings—I create my reality. This is exactly where God has been leading me for the last couple weeks. I keep being reminded of this over and over. I spoke at and attended a conference about it, then I started reading the science behind it in Breaking the Habit of Being yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One by Dr. Joe Dispenza. I’ve seen how this has worked in my life over and over from relationships to careers to dream road trips. I’m so grateful how this works. The last few days I’ve been leading up to this one, because we first have to recognize our stories (#88) and if they are aligning us with fear, lack, and separation or love, abundance, and peace. Then, once we get clear view of all of that we can start looking at how we are setting intentions (#91) consciously or unconsciously. Lastly, our feelings (#92) need to align with the reality we want. That’s the whole purpose of why I keep up with this work.

Today, I commit to aligning my intentions with my feelings. Some people stop at thinking positively, and they can’t figure out why things aren’t happening. Some will focus on aligning their feelings, but forget to set intentions for what they actually want to be creating. The beauty and the magic happens when these two things connect. If people are wondering why I use letters in my book and in all my coaching work, it’s because it’s the best way I’ve found to connect the two. When I’m writing a letter to God, a friend, or a loved one, I emotionally connect to the words I’m writing. I don’t send them, but I imagine myself telling people all about my dreams, goals, and purpose I see for myself.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my lists too, but when I really want to get myself aligned to create the reality I want, I write letters. I save my lists for my daily practice of gratitude and prayers. This doesn’t mean that they won’t work for you. I know plenty of people who can get their feelings completely engaged while writing lists. We have to find the practices that work for us as individuals. Some people may use index card and mirrors. What is important is that if you try a method that doesn’t work, try something else.

With Love, Abundance, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2020

Author of Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World

Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #92

I’m grateful for my feelings. I was taught to take responsibility for my feelings over thirty years ago. Now, when I first learned. I didn’t know the difference between taking responsibility and self-blame. After years of self-blame, I saw that was one of the way I abused myself. Then in-turn, I let others abuse me the same way. Our feelings are a reflection of the stories we are telling ourselves. When I look at it that way, I become grateful of my feelings because it allows me to see the stories I’m telling myself. If I don’t like the stories, I can change them. If I LOVE the stories, I can truly enjoy the feelings coming from them. Just in this moment, writing these words, I have tingles running through me feeling the love flowing through my fingers. Recently, I watched my feelings take me into stories of fear, lack, and separation and love, abundance, and peace. They are both MY stories and the stories I’m attaching to with my feelings will make whatever story I’m telling myself more and more real in my mind. I love my feelings. I’m grateful for the ones that challenge me and the ones that make my soul sign with joy.

Today, I commit to honoring my feelings. Too many of us are taught to shove unpleasant and sometimes even pleasant feelings down. When we do that they stir into dark toxic potions of shame, blame, rage, jealousy, envy, hate, amongst others. These toxic potions leak out from us into everything we touch.

Our feelings are important. Our voices are important. We can feel things without pointing fingers. We can honor our feelings in healthy ways. For me, having time to process my feelings is important. When they are feelings that are heavy, I NEED space. If I don’t have space, I might blame even though I know that my feelings are my responsibility. My son and I were talking about adult couples the other day. He was commenting on how my partner and I “fight”. He acknowledged that we both tend to storm off, then come back to talk about it, and usually end up laughing. In the space when we do this, we claim what is ours. We come back once we’ve processed and talk rationally. I told myself it’s important to figure out what is yours before we bring someone else into it. I have to see and hear the stories I’m telling myself first that are creating the feelings that I’m having.

Recently, my kids and I started taking deeper looks at the stories we were telling ourselves that are fueling the feelings we are having about different things. When I do this, I am honoring the feelings I’m having because I know they are their to teach me something. I don’t just let them pass me by or shove them down.

Now, all that is important for the heavier feelings. It’s also important to honor our light and freeing feelings tool. ENJOY them!!! We all know that feelings move, change, and shift. We don’t get to hold onto a feeling forever, we get the moment we are in to enjoy whatever feeling we are having. Live in your happily ever NOW!

We are going to have all different kinds of feelings throughout our lifetimes—HONOR THEM!! Let them guide you in the moment, so that they don’t create toxic energy within you, or that you miss it when the AWE-filled ones come in. Be in the moment! The AWE is magical feeling that spreads love throughout your whole body. Be present with that! Experience the tingles, goosebumps, and expansion having this feeling creates. If you are feeling grief, sadness, fear, anger, etc. Don’t pick up that drink, food, remote, or game. Feel through it. See what it is there to teach you. Call a TRUSTED friend or mental health professional. None of us have to go through this alone. There is NO feeling that any of us have had that someone else hasn’t had. What is different is the story that fuels the feeling. Don’t disconnect from people because they understand the feeling, but not the story. Our stories are ours, but if they are not aligning us with love, abundance, and peace, we can change how we tell them to ourselves and others.

I have a friend who’s son was murdered by his father in a murder-suicide. Now, if I listened to what some people tell me about talking to someone who is grieving, I would never have had the amazing conversations that her and I have had together since his passing. The story that she lets live inside her ignites her purpose, her faith, her love, and her light in the world. She honors her feelings of grief when they move through her, but she honors the joys in her life in the moments she gets them. She inspires so many people by living authentically in her moments. We only separate from others because of the stories we are telling ourselves. No matter matter what feelings you are having in this moment, embrace them with love. Allow them to move through you and know that the energy of love is there like a warm blanket protecting you. You are safe.

Right now we are going through a time where many people’s stories have taken them over and the feelings are all over the place moment to moment. If you need help, please reach out. If you align your energy with getting the help you need to get you through this time, God WILL send messengers. You just have to be open enough to see them. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if I didn’t keep myself open to all the helpers.

With Love, Abundance, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2020

Author of Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World

Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #16

Avoiding, suppressing, and numbing feelings does us a great disservice. When those hard feelings show up, they are giving us beautiful signals just like when what we may consider the “good” feelings show up. Here is a secret that will set you free, they are ALL good feelings if you know how to work with them. It’s when we avoid, suppress, and numb them that they fuel the energy of fear, lack, and separation in our lives. It is a path that creates addiction, prejudice, oppression, violence, and so much more. Look around and you will see it. Unfortunately, many of us are taught that to feel anything that doesn’t put a smile on our face isn’t good. If that isn’t sad, I don’t know what is. Feelings are one of our greatest gifts because they have so much to teach us about ourselves if we just start giving them the respect they deserve.

I find it fascinating when people assume I haven’t been through trauma when I talk about living life from a loving place. It reminds me of old perspectives of truths (beliefs) I used to have. I used to believe that my traumas had control over how I lived. When I would have a Post Traumatic Stress (PTSD) episode, which is reliving the trauma, I thought there was nothing I could do, and it would be this way forever. People would feel sorry for me and treat me like I was damaged, and I believed them for a VERY long time. Until I didn’t. I got enough seeds from people who thought about past trauma differently, and with that the flame was lit and I grow stronger and brighter with each revelation that comes from FEELING the FEELINGS that come up, when they come up! YES!!! My feelings are the windows into my healing and I’m so grateful for every single one of them.

Long ago, someone said to me, “You are rarely reacting to the person in front of you.” There is usually a trigger that takes us back to another time where our boundaries, safety, self-esteem, and/or feelings felt violated or threatened. Our feelings can be a guide to release us from something that no longer exists. They also help us to figure out when we are stuck in a cycle of energy revolving around fear, lack, and separations. WHY would we want to numb or avoid this? I’m grateful when my feelings show up to teach me something about myself! When we learn to truly appreciate ALL our feelings, we learn not to be so scared of them.

Today, I’m writing down any perspectives of truth that are making me feel trapped in the energy of fear, lack, and separation. Then, I’m going to write down as many other perspectives I can that can move the energy to love, abundance, and peace. I can take this to the point where it is comical, but the point of this exercise is to realize we have options in how we look at things. We can look at beliefs we have about politics, the pandemic, social justice, past trauma, judgments about ourselves/others, or even traffic. We just need to check in with ourselves on a variety of subjects and see where our energy goes. This can actually be really fun to do with friends. I’ve definitely had some tears running down my face, snorting, and hyperventilating from laughing so hard over doing this exercise in the past with people. I’m laughing just thinking about it. I’m going to enjoy this! I hope you do too!

With Love, Gratitude, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2020

If you are struggling and need help figuring out where some of your trigger points are that keep you stuck in fear, lack, and separation, you can read more about this in my book Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World or you can check out my 90-Day A Better Me Series here on this site. Make sure to start from the beginning. You will soon see where many of your trigger points are.

Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #7

I love making time to appreciate skills I’ve learned. This one puts me in a great mood. Sometimes when we get stuck in the daily grind, we forget to see how far we’ve come with the skills we’ve learned along the way. Appreciate the time you’ve committed to learning skills that have helped you and in turn, others. If you missed the first day explaining this daily aligning project, you can find it here.

There will be times when we experience blocks where our energy fights us to stay in fear, lack, and separation. Many times these are old beliefs that we either are so unconscious of or we know we have them and we are scared to let them go. These blocks may been have presented themselves after a trauma as a way of protecting ourselves. Unfortunately, many of us are taught to numb, ignore, and avoid our feelings. The feelings that created the beliefs or enforced the beliefs are being projected from us whether we are aware of them or not. There is even new science that is saying that trauma can be passed down in our DNA! Old recognized feelings and unhealthy beliefs will come off in how we interpret situations, in our body language, in our immune systems, and they will EXPLODE in our intimate and close relationships. Anything we try to keep down, will re-surface in one way, shape, or form. It is SO IMPORTANT to learn techniques to properly feel through feelings that are creating blocks to aligning with the energy of love, abundance, and peace. What you may discover is you are holding on to beliefs that were passed down from previous generations that no longer serve you. Feelings in themselves aren’t bad, they are necessary for us to see where we are, avoiding them, numbing them, and suppressing them does a disservice. We actually will hurt more people including ourselves when we don’t face what is going on inside of us.

Today’s exercise isn’t a one time thing, it’s important to check in with yourself on a regular basis. It is interesting how our alignment with fear, lack, and separation manifests, I actually just found a buried block of my own recently. I live a very abundant life in many areas, but I seemed to have a financial block. I knew it was there, I knew it was something inside of me creating it, but I had NO clue what it was. It took a few days of praying, meditations, and actually paying attention where the Universe guided my attention for me to hear the message. I was led to a friend of mine who had been doing an abundance course. She listened to me, and started talking about feeling the “weight of debt” and how if we put our energy there, we create more of it. Have you ever heard of Oprah’s Aha-moment? Well this was definitely one of mine.

If you are thinking, how do I know if I have a block? If you feel pulled into fear on a daily basis, there is a block. If you feel like your needs aren’t being met (lack), there is a block. If you feel trapped in chaos or you can’t separate yourself from other’s chaos by taking their chaos personally, there is a block.

We can get very comfortable in the energy of fear, lack, and separation. The first step is becoming aware of when your energy goes there. Pay attention to where you feel this in your body. Try to remember the first time you felt the feeling. You can do things like pray, meditate, talk to trusted friends, read, seek professional help, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) a.k.a. Tapping, etc. What I’m ALWAYS amazed by is when I put my energy into releasing a block, the tools will start showing up. I’m reading two books that I was led to that have great tools for me, and I was also guided to Tapping.com to work through the emotional blocks with EFT, which is AMAZING by the way. Just stay open to where your guidance leads you and COMMIT to the journey. When you set the intention to heal something inside of you without blaming someone else for the problem, YOU will be amazed how much faster you get re-aligned with love, abundance, and peace. My book (down below) helps guide women through some of the most common blocks. I also have the FREE 90-Day A Better Me Series right here on this blog for any gender. If either is what is meant to help you, you will have a feeling about it. The wonderful thing about this journey is when we become more aligned, the messages become clearer and clearer on what to do to help ourselves align even more (I hope you can sense my excitement here).

With Love, Gratitude, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2020

Other purchasing options can be found here.

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 60 -Right Here and Now I’m Free

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 60: Right Here and Now I’m Free

Dear Self,

Right in this moment I’m feeling my toes tingle under the wind from the fan above me. I’m hearing the roar of the air coming on and the coolness touch my toes. My thoughts are with my fingers as the words are coming out on the page. Right hear and now I’m free. My mind is a blanket canvas to create whatever reality I choose with each story I decide to believe and follow. I can choose to be conscious and or unconscious with each thought and step I take. I can choose to put my feelings about my spirituality in a container, or I can be in awe of how expansive Divine energy is. I can choose to see each moment as a loving gift from my Creator or a hell on Earth. I’m FREE to choose whatever perspective of truth I want to believe in this very moment and whatever I choose will move me to the actions that go with that.

Right here and now I’m free to be silent, pray, listen, receive, give, and to move in a way that will contribute to the way I tell myself is right for the moment. I’m responsible for the choices I make. The more I listen to the moment, the clearer of an understanding I get for what I need to step into my next moment. Thinking about this process in slow motion is pretty amazing. Right here and now I’m free and I have an abundance of choices, but the choices aren’t overwhelming, because I have peace knowing I’m free.

I still feel my toes tingling. I’m conscious of the noises that are coming from tapping the keys on the keyboard. I feel my dog’s presence up against the side of my leg as she peacefully sleeps. The words are coming out of me as I hear them and I can hear no background clutter in my mind at this very moment. I can feel the sensations in my nose as oxygen comes into my body. I can feel the moisture on the tips of my fingers as they move across the keys. In this moment I feel AWE of all I’m experiencing without the distractions and clutter that come with the stories of the past and the future. I’m free.

Today I’m grateful

  1. I’m so grateful to experience this present moment
  2. I’m grateful for the freedom to choose where my mind goes in this moment
  3. I’m grateful to be free of story in this moment
  4. I’m grateful for all the sensations I can feel to keep me in this moment
  5. I’m grateful for the feeling of AWE that brings tears to my eyes and fills my soul with love

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

Side note: I’ve chosen to not edit this letter because I want it to be authentic to the moment I was in writing it. When we write letters to ourselves they don’t have to be perfect. My letter writing in this series is to allow you to see vulnerable parts of me. How you judge them reflects your perspectives of truth inside of you. Be present to what goes through you. Our responses to other’s vulnerability have so much to teach us about where we are in the moment whether it is in love or fear-based thinking. It also helps us to see where we do and don’t want to be. When we consciously see that, we can choose our next step wisely.

Rachael Wolff © 2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 60 – Right Here and NOW

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 1 – Welcome to the Journey

Letters From A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Day 1: Welcome to the Journey

Dear Readers,

Welcome to the journey of A Better Me. This letters piece of the journey is about connecting to the material in the 90-Day A Better Me Series. One of the things I’ve learned in my experience is that if I can’t make the journey personal, it’s not my journey. I won’t absorb the material in the same way as I do if I’m truly connected to it.

Since I’ve re-written my own story again and again using letters, I wanted to pass on one of the most essential tools in my own tool box. I’ve been amazed at what writing letters has done in my life. This helped me more than just journaling because writing a letter to myself or someone else gets me to engage deeper. The letters become personal contracts to live better.  I fully commit to feeling through whatever is going on inside of me at the time. I found that to be an AMAZING healing and transformative tool. Writing letters helps me to remember that I’m writing my own story. I need to commit to being the leading role.

Part I of the series is meant to stir up your emotions. If the program is working, you will get triggered. You will see yourself more openly. You will have opportunities to make better choices today. This journey is a process. In Part I, I’m peeling back the layers to expose the toxic muck that is keeping you from living your best life. In Part II, I help you to heal and strengthen. In Part III, you will get tools galore on how to grow and expand y to be the best version of yourself. Your relationships will shift and change as you take this journey. Trust the path!

I hope that if you stick to this journey, you will get what you need to become the best version of yourself, the program opens you up to see signs, guidance, teachers, and/or students. This is just the beginning. If you need extra guidance, I have a program that acts as a supplement to any personal development program you are using and/or want to start using. You will see a little more about that throughout the series. For now, enjoy this 90-Day journey. You can read it daily, like a book, or pick and choose what you need. This journey is yours. Just go to CATEGORIES to have direct access to both series.

Remember each day comes with a companion piece on the 90-Day A Better Me Series. Don’t forget to read and follow on long in order to get the most out of the experience. Read today’s here: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 1-A Commitment for 2019

 

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

 

 

Who Do You See in the Dark?

In the dark, I see you. When all the motion of the world has stopped, you are there. In the calm, you come alive. I can’t blame anyone for what I see in the dark. It’s what’s inside of me. In this place, thoughts, beliefs, and feelings fester and come alive. They can lift me up or take me down. I create stories of all my inspirations and fears. Nothing is happening in the moment. My body lies dormant on the surface. Yet, I see you.

During the rush of the day, I miss your power. I can get caught up in whatever is going on. Sometimes I’m calm and collected and other times spinning on the hamster wheel. There are days meditation seems impossible because my mind is running so fast, other days I’m able to embrace the joy and peace that come in the moments of awe and gratitude.

But in the dark, when the world is no longer calling on me, I see you. I might not always recognize you, but I know you’re there. I might not remember to call on you, but your power fills me. You are the me I’ve created in my mind. Only by seeing you, can I take control back and become conscious of the thoughts, beliefs, and feelings I’m feeding into my dreams, which feed into how I perceive the world around me. My world is dictated by this image inside my head. I have the power to create my inner world, but first I have to see the truth in the darkness. Who do you see?

Be conscious of what you create in the dark.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2018

 

 

I Am FOR Love, Respect, and Dignity of Life

I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.

-Mother Teresa

A challenge in my life is making sure I’m focused on what I’m for, not against. The energy we project when we are against something is very strong, and even more negative. This works against us internally and externally in a myriad of ways. First, negative energy is a magnet for more negative energy and actually repels positive energy. This will present itself in different ways in our personal lives. We may feel tired and worn out, find ourselves with health problem after health problem, and/or we attract negative people and situations into our lives.

We can think we are fighting for a cause, but the very energy we are putting out is against something else. When the causes are passionate cries for the betterment and safety of humanity, animals, and nature we sometimes get caught up in the energy of the people who are against the very thing we are for, we become apart of the problem, not the solution. I find I have to check in with myself often to make sure I have my energy going to what I am truly for in life. I have to ask myself a series of questions and watch how my voice, body, mind, and spirit are reacting to my behaviors, thoughts, and feelings. Here are just some of the examples I tend to ask myself:

  • Am I focused on what other people think of me? (Negative energy)
  • Do I feel like I’m being blamed and having to prove myself? (Negative energy)
  • Am I focused on what I don’t like that someone else is doing? (Negative energy)
  • Do I feel exhausted when I’m volunteering my voice for a cause? (Negative Energy)
  • Am I trying to make someone else wrong in order to be right? (Negative energy)
  • Am I contributing to negativity through gossip? (Negative Energy)
  • Am I clear on my boundaries for my own self-care? (Positive Energy)
  • Do I communicate clearly on what is and is not acceptable behavior toward me? (Positive Energy)
  • Are my thoughts, actions, and feelings energized by the causes I’m representing? (Positive energy)
  • Am I treating myself with love and respect before I expect someone else to do it? (Positive Energy)
  • How do I want to see humanity treat each other? (Positive Energy)
  • Am I being the example of compassion and kindness that I want other people to follow? (Positive Energy)
  • Am I speaking from a source of love or fear?
  • Are my thoughts coming from a place of love or fear?
  • Are my feelings projecting love for humanity or fear of humanity?

Now, this list can go on and on, but the point is I know I’m in a healthy place when I start paying close attention to what I’m doing and questioning my own thoughts. This can be a struggle for me especially when it comes things like:

  • Respecting my own personal boundaries
  • Representing women being true to their voices
  • Putting attention on childhood development in schools
  • Helping become more self-aware and promoting self-care
  • Humans treating other humans with respect and dignity
  • Respecting animals
  • Respecting and connecting to nature

Here is the negative energy focus on all the items listed above:

  • People walking all over me and lying about me.
  • Feeling hatred towards men who mistreat women
  • School testing is destroying our children
  • Being against Big Pharma
  • Hating people who aren’t accepting of others
  • Being against animal cruelty
  • We are destroying our planet

When I get worked up on any of the subjects listed above and some others, it is very easy for me to start focusing on the things I’m against. With a lot of self-realization though, I see the damage I do when I keep my focus on that mindset. I can see the good myself and others are trying to do fall on deaf ears. When we stay focused on the negative energy of what we are against. I see how it affects our minds, hearts, and actions toward others. Jesus, Martin Luther King Jr., Mother Theresa, Buddha, Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, Oprah Winfrey, and so many others lived and/or live their lives according to what they want to represent in humanity. We know all their names. Their messages still ring through in our hearts today. These are my leaders. They remind me about being the person I want to be and not succumbing to fear based agenda. This is true for my personal life and matters that affect my community, country, and world.

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I am for love, respect, and dignity of life. I pray that this leads my thoughts, feelings, and actions more than any of my fears. I know this all starts with how I treat myself. I can’t give what I don’t have. I will honor, love, and take care of myself, so that I may contribute the best of me to my family, friends, community, country, and world.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2017

Breaking Free From My Unhealthy Relationships: Finding Love through the Darkness

I am no master. I have survived some horrible situations and lost much of my innocence way too young. I still fight, cry, and struggle through some of life’s twists and turns. Here is what I know, life is full of lessons and I have survived them all. Some of my deepest scars have helped others through their darkest days. At seventeen, I was lucky to survive an attempt at ending my journey. I didn’t think my life was worth living. I felt like all I brought people was pain. I thought I would be doing my family a favor by not being here. At the core of it all, I felt unlovable and not worth loving at all. My failed attempt changed the trajectory of many lives, not only my family and friends at the time, but the two amazing lives I’ve brought into the world.

The lessons showed me that I needed to keep learning and expanding. I have to keep going deeper into my inner core to see what I really need to be learning from all these experiences in my life. Some lessons I can figure out with a little distance, but others may take years or a lifetime to figure out. All I know is that if I learn the lesson, I can stop repeating it. The lesson won’t get harder, but I will be able to spot the problem before it starts.

One of my most challenging lessons has been with my romantic relationships. I had the patterns of behavior that kept attracting the wrong men. The lessons would get worse and worse as the years went by until it escalated to verbal and emotional abuse. I became a person I didn’t even recognize at the height of the toxicity. I didn’t like the untrusting, unloving, and emotionally unavailable person I had become. Since my mom taught me very young that no one can make me feel anything, and that my perception chooses my feelings and reactions, I knew only I could fix the darkness that stirred inside me.

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Since that is where my mind focused those were the lessons that would present themselves to me. If I focused my mind in a dark place, like I had chosen to do many times, I would dig myself deeper into the problem. I used to focus on the guy I was in the relationship with instead of me. I learned I can’t fix the problem there, because I can’t change him. I can only change me. I found all the books and teachers I needed to help me change my perception and patterns. This didn’t happen overnight, and I’m still a work in progress, but through reflection and watching some of the people I love follow similar paths to what I was on, I see how far I have come.

Now, I’m in a relationship where I love, trust, and respect myself. Since I feel that way about me, I can love, trust and respect him equally. I acknowledge and see where I’m putting past relationship stresses on him and I work through them. No need for dramatic fights and false exits. Does this mean we don’t argue, of course not. We are not going to agree about everything. We do fight fair and know when each other need just enough space to process the information so we can discuss it reasonably.

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Giving and accepting space is new for me. I remember not trusting the space at all in past relationships and thinking that those big dramatic fights were essential. With some, I felt like the end of the world was happening if we couldn’t talk reasonably in the very second a problem occurred. I would panic and get super clingy. With others, I remember walking away and having a man follow me around yelling and calling me names to try to make me feel as small as he was feeling about himself. The knot in my stomach and all my fight or flight senses would be going off. For a period of time before kids, I would try to use alcohol or depression medication to cover up my feelings, but that was not what got me out.

Facing my feelings fully and changing MY behavior towards, number one, myself was the catalyst for breaking free from the pain that these unhealthy relationships brought to the surface. If I abuse and belittle myself, I bring people who will reflect it back to me. The worse I abuse myself, the worse the abuse will be. Abusers can spot our weaknesses from a mile away. There are little signs from the moment we meet them that create a dinging in their ears knowing we are a match. We look for our equals. If we want better, we have to be better. I had to learn to be the person towards myself that I wanted to attract. For instance, I love nature and adventure, but I wasn’t doing that for myself. I was waiting for someone else to take me. Well, screw that! I started taking myself on adventures in nature and what did I attract, someone who enjoyed the same things. We go on some adventures together, but I keep adding more of my own adventures. I expand my adventures every year. This past summer I took my kids on  camping with another single mom for 5 days in Asheville, NC. It was amazing. The adventure didn’t start or stop there, we saw friends, family, and added wonderful experiences to our memory books.

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Before, I kept going above and beyond for men who I hoped would one day give back the same amount of effort. I thought that the more I helped them, maybe they would feel like they needed me and fight for me to stay. I was the rescuer! A superpower I thought I had, but really that was my codependency. I just felt depleted and frustrated and the relationships didn’t work. I finally understood the message from the Bible about treating others as I treat myself. I used to think this just meant treat others, as I wanted to be treated. I kept getting walked on. I now see it as, if I treat others with the same respect and love that I show myself, I will attract people who will reflect that back to me. I will attract people who really want to get out of their misery (if that is where they are). I won’t attract the men who want to be stuck in the victim of the world role and want to take me down with them. I realized the the Bible wasn’t telling me to give myself away, it was telling me to show the world my inner beauty and strength. I have read many books that have the same message, and it took me reading all of them and experiencing everything I did to finally make it sink in. There is no one book, person, place, or being that is capable of showing us everything we need to see. We are human, we have to experience many lessons to get the messages to sink in. At least, I do.

As I grow in love and respect for myself, my relationships gets better. My life gets better. I no longer feel like I need another person to complete me. I am complete. I get to enjoy the man I’m with for being the person he is and what he contributes to the life I want to live. I keep growing and getting stronger. This is the example I want to show my kids. I want my son to see that it is good to be with a woman who loves, trusts, and respects herself. I want my daughter to become a woman who loves, trusts, and respects herself. My job is to be the example.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2017

If you like what you read on FromALovingPlace.com, make sure to check-out other posts and Like From A Loving Place on Facebook (click on the word Facebook for the link). There will Always be helpful hints on how to live from a more loving place. Thank you for reading!

A Month of Gratitude

A couple years ago I took a challenge on Facebook. EVERY day I wrote what I was grateful for in the month of November.This wasn’t the first time I dedicated a few minutes of my day to gratitude. I have used it as a tool for about seven years. When I can’t seem to get my head out of the vicious spin cycle, I go to gratitude. Now that I have a Facebook page: From A Loving Place (click on the red to take you to the page), I decided I wanted to share the gifts that come with focusing our energy in a more loving and appreciative place. If you have Facebook and would like to join in on the experience, please like the page, click “Following” then click on “See First” doing this will ensure that the daily dose of gratitude shows up in your News Feed.

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The state of gratitude raises our vibrational energy and we start attracting amazing people and adventures to our lives. We also help heal the world, because when our focus is there, we don’t get pulled down by other people’s drama. We also become clear enough to see solutions and alternative thought patterns. I hope you will join me in spreading gratitude.

If you don’t have Facebook, I hope you will commit to yourself to write down three things your grateful for each day. Here’s a trick to getting the most out of it: You have to completely engage the feeling of gratitude. Feel the awe of the moment that you are grateful for, and revel in the feeling for a second. I will warn you, some blessings might be disguised as chaos at first. STICK TO IT! Miracles come after the chaos. Our ego gets used to being in control and when we try to break free sometimes everything can look worse, but push through. The miracles are on the other side. If you are anything like me, they will be better than anything you could have imagined was possible.

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Keep your head in the gratitude. Don’t utter the words, “I can’t believe this is happening!” Don’t think or say any variation of it. Saying things like that actually sabotage the good in our life. We send a message out there that we don’t deserve the good that is happening to us, then we start looking for reasons it’s not as good as it seems. Our focus becomes stuck there instead of in the gratitude, so we start finding flaws. Before we know it, the great thing that happened is gone. I learned that lesson over and over again the hard way, I mean beat down with the emotional 2×4 hard way.

No matter what you decide to do today, I hope you have a grateful day!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

You can also find me on Twitter sharing daily gratitude @Wolffspirit9

A Better Life Begins With Gratitude Click this link to read more about the power of gratitude.