90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 21 – I Don’t Know What is Best for Someone Else’s Life

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 21: I Don’t Know What is Best for Someone Else’s Life

Dear Self,

I sometimes forget that I’m not in control or responsible for the outcome of other people’s lives. I don’t know what is best for someone else’s life. I have to remember that it is not my business what someone does with any information I contribute to the situation. It’s my business what energy I’m choosing to put out there for them to receive.

All I know is that I don’t want to contribute to someone else’s shame cycle. I don’t want to feed energy that will encourage more negative cycles. What I want to do is make sure I’m spreading love, hope, and encouragement.

I’m committed to becoming aware of the energy I’m spreading when I feel judgment of other people’s lives coming on. I am going to focus my energy on spreading love into the situation instead of spreading fear. The truth is someone else’s challenges can lead them down an amazing path that I’m and they are incapable of seeing right now. Either way, if I continue to work on myself, I will project and perpetuate more of the energy I want to see in the world instead of focusing on what I don’t want to see.

I’m grateful for my lessons teaching me to be responsible for what I’m putting out there. I’m grateful for being aware enough to know that I don’t know what is best for someone else’s life. I’m very grateful that I have the power to change my own life and that is what I’m responsible for.

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Read 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 21 – Judging What’s Right or Wrong for Someone Else’s Life

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Enjoy the journey!!

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 18 – Becoming Aware of How Judgment Has Affected My Foundation

Letters From A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 18: Becoming Aware of How Judgment Has Affected My Foundation

Dear Self,

I had no clue how my judgments were affecting my reality. I never understood why I my good deeds didn’t seem to feel as good as I thought they would. My underlying judgments of people, places, things, and even ideas were putting out energy for what I don’t want. I’m actually contributing towards the causes I’m against instead of what I’m trying to represent. Now that I know better, I can do better. I’m going to clean up my foundations of judgment so that I’m putting my energy where it belongs—On what I DO WANT!

I also am aware of how I’m letting other people’s judgments affect my foundation. They only can do this if I give them permission to. I don’t have to accept any judgments and/or beliefs that I don’t want to or that don’t feel right for me. I can be aware if their judgments are coming from a place of fear or a place of love. I can CHOOSE whether or not to accept what they are putting out there. I don’t have to let anything someone else says or does affect the energy inside of me.

I will commit to become aware of my judgmental energy and work to reframe it from a place of love instead of a place from fear. I’m committed to coming up with solutions from a loving place so that I won’t be drained by the energy I’m putting out there. I will be ignited by the loving energy inside me.

If I fall back into my judgments and/or accept unwanted judgments from others,  I will learn from them and commit to looking inside to see why I keep putting my focus there. I will reframe what doesn’t sit right inside of me to help me support the life I want to be living.

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 18 -Judgment Makes and Unpredictable Foundation

The World is Full of Good People: Focusing Our Energy On What We Want

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My daily routine includes scrolling my Facebook feeds of pages I’ve liked. All of these pages are there to surround me with the good energy I want in my life. I love seeing similar messages from different pages that inspire love, positive action, and moving people away from victim thinking. Every once in awhile, I will see messages that promote good people are hard to find… WHAT??!!! No, great people are easy to find if our energy is in the right place. If we appreciate the amazing people around us, more will continue to show up. If we tell the Universe that there are no good people, then we will be constantly seeking out the sick, unhealthy people to prove our point. We have to decide if we want the good people in our lives and acknowledge and appreciate that we have them. From the tellers at the bank, cashiers at check out, friends who reach out, we are responsible for recognizing them. If we are focused on the negative we will continue to get that check-out person who is more insulting than helpful.

This is the same for relationships, if we tell ourselves, there are no good men/ women, we will continue to put our energy into knocking people down, and attracting people to our lives that prove the point we sent out to the Universe. Keep the messages that you send out to the Universe clean. Embrace the feeling that the messages you send out are true. They will be, you choose if it is for your benefit or detriment. This is the Law of Attraction.

If we want better for our lives, we have to change the language we are putting out there. Every moment we spend knocking others down, we are taking time away from our own joy. Search out the good people in the world, put your energy there. They are not hard to find. Some sites are dedicated to showing people in their best lights. When we are ready to see the kindness in the world, it will start appearing all around us.

Most import, be kind to yourself, because you will have a harder time spotting it in the world if you are constantly knocking yourself down. You are worth more than that!!

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

 

Love Without Discrimination

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I live within two hours from Orlando, FL. I have friends and family in the area, just as I did in New York when 9/11 happened. During both events, I worried about people I love being there and waiting to hear they were safe. These were two events I experienced personally. That gets me thinking of all the hate crimes that take place on a daily basis all over the world. How do we get to the place where groups and individuals hate each other so much that they forget that we are dealing with other human beings who have people who love them and possibly depend on them? How do we get to the level of hate where human life has no meaning?

Love is bigger and more welcoming than any other energy on this Earth. There is no discrimination in love. If we believe in love wholeheartedly, there are no limitations to our love. EveryONE deserves it and has the right to give and receive love. None of us have the right to take that love away. Love knows NO justification, bias, or rationalization. We are either acting lovingly or we are not.

In these times when hate and fear are at a heightened level, it is important not to contribute to the energy of it. We will get more of whatever we put our energy into. If we focus on spreading love and compassion, we will open doors to more of the same energy. Be careful of categorizing people in “All” statements. All whites, blacks, Muslims, Jews, Christians, LGBT, women, or men do not exist. We are all individuals and have different backgrounds that form our belief systems, even  within a group. Do you think the same as all women, men, Americans, Catholics, Jews, or Muslims? No, you don’t, because that is impossible. If we have a conversation with 10 people from the same group, even if that group is a family, they will not all agree. How can we label “All” to groups that have so many individuals involved. I know there are extremist groups who encourage hate and fear. Keep them separate from the whole. They have chosen a clear path. If they are justifying their hate with a deeper love, we know they are living in fear, not love. Love doesn’t harm any person. Love does not hurt. Fear, greed, jealousy, and hate do. We can not pretend to know the level of love or fear in any one person’s heart without knowing them as an individual. We all have both, but we are acting out one or the other.

We don’t have to justify loving actions, but if we are taking fearful actions we do. Fearful actions are vengeful and require victims and victors. Love has no winners or losers. Don’t confuse the two. Be aware of your reasoning for doing  things. It is tricky, and we all are capable of acting in love or fear at any moment. Most of us unaware of the choice we are making. The more we practice investigating our reasoning, the more we will see.

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Please, fight the urge to hate and fear, and put your energy toward love, compassion, and healing instead. I say this to you, as I remind myself. I know how easy it is to go into hate and fear mode and I pray that this time I will not have the urge to submit to the fearful thinking.

From A Loving Place…

 

BLAME, BLAME GO AWAY!

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If you knew that blaming is what is keeping you from being happy, would you stop doing it? Well, it is. I’m not saying this is easy to change. We have become a society full of blamers. Constantly pushing the blame to somebody/something else while the problems sit and grow. I love that definition of insanity that says, “Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Blame is one of those vicious cycles that it is easy to get caught up in, even if we know better.

Blame is destroying us in so many ways. We use it to destroy  our relationships, ourselves, our families, our communities, and our humanity.  It is hard to find working solutions when all we see is the problem and who is at fault. When we feel the need to be right, we don’t even listen to the concerns on the other side. Our minds are closed and we start a war. Things get ugly and nothing gets resolved. All we are being taught is to feed the fire and blame more.

Blaming equals disrespect. We all know it subconsciously, which is why our defenses  can go flying up and we become ready for a fight. Nobody wants to feel disrespected, ignored, and unimportant. The funny thing is we do it to ourselves more than anyone else. How many times have we gone against ourselves, our beliefs, our self-care, our peace, and our happiness? If we are not showing ourselves value and respect, how are we expected to give it somebody else?

In my teenage years, I stopped learning to blame other people for my feelings, actions, reactions, and thoughts. The problem was I put the finger on me and BLAMED myself. Blame is destructive whether it is pointed outward or inward. Even going into my adult years, I thought I was doing it right. I couldn’t understand why I still wasn’t happy, and still falling into negative patterns. I turned such a critical finger on myself that it created a monster festering inside me.

I kept trying to make things better on the outside. I had no idea the havoc that was going on the inside. I acted out in so many different ways. I had no idea the kind of harm I was causing. I still was blaming things like alcohol, drugs, work, cars, name the object, I could blame it. I didn’t realize the blame was making me blind to the truth. I had to explore the unpaved trails to learn what was real. The only way to do it, is to be aware and  watch where we place your feet. Our missteps may hurt, but they can teach us a better way.

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I didn’t learn until much later in life that it isn’t about blame at all. It is about taking responsibility for my actions, making positive changes, and then letting it go. I am only responsible for my part. Figuring out what that is can be tricky, especially when the situation is extreme. Byron Katie taught me how to take responsibility without turning it into self-abuse. I have been shown so many different ways to look at a situation through her videos and books,  which you can find by searching her name on the internet. Her work gives me the tools to get out of the vicious blame cycle. I’m not happy there. I don’t like the way it feels when I have to be right to the point where I’m in a constant internal argument in my head with someone who isn’t there. I’m letting someone else’s path wreak havoc on my peace. When I become aware that I’m doing it, I have the opportunity to change it.

Getting away from blame is a process. I stopped beating myself up when I get caught up in it. I acknowledge how I participated in it, and I pray for the awareness to catch it sooner next time. If  I can take an action to change the situation, I do it. Writing is one of the ways I use, sharing pieces that spread compassion, passing on positive messages, being apart of love in action, volunteering, or simply becoming aware of when when we are participating in the blame game all helps to spread seeds for change. Whatever we choose to do in a more loving and compassionate way is contributing towards finding solutions. How we want to live our life is a choice we each need to make as individuals. What other people choose is not our business. They have their own journey. We can hope and pray that they find happiness and peace within themselves. When we know that we want peace and happiness in our own lives and commit to becoming aware of the times we stray from it, life will get better. When we find peace within, we won’t stir up chaos outside of ourselves. We will start seeing what is working, what is beautiful, and what is real. There is nothing real in chaos, just hurt and ego.

My awareness helps me to see and accept my responsibility and change faster. The lessons become less dramatic, and easier to spot.  As I have grown, I am able to see clearer, live happier, and as Byron Katie says, “Be a lover of what is.”

Wishing you all internal peace and outward gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

 

 

Which Path Do You Choose Today? Love or Fear

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Two Wolves

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life.

“A fight is going on inside me,” he said to the boy. “It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil-he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is good-he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you-and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”

-Cherokee legend

We choose whether to follow with love or fear in every moment. This is a small sampling of topics and questions to illuminate which is getting most of your attention:

Disasters Such as 9/11, the Holocaust, Civil Rights Issues, or Natural Disasters

  • Do I focus on the heroes who helped or the people who created the problem?
  • Do I do something to help or get caught in the blame game?
  • Am I inspired to act by the people reaching out to help others or the ones filled with hate and rage?
  • Do I focus on the people and families who have been affected by the tragedy or the people, government, races or religions I want to blame for it?
  • Am I touched by my love and compassion for humanity as a whole, or I am stuck in anger, fear, and despair?

Romantic Relationships

  • Am I happy with where my life is now or desperately want it to be filled with another person?
  • Do I allow space for a healthy partner to present themselves or do I allow anyone in who shows interest?
  • Do I stay because I have the love I want, or do I stay because I am afraid of their not being someone else?
  • Do you love myself or do I do I feel like someone else’s love for me will make me feel better?
  • Do I see myself as a whole person, or do I think I am missing a part of me if I don’t have a romantic partner?

Religious Paths

  • Am I inspired by the loving actions of the figuresI follow or do I fear the wrath?
  • Do I believe that every life has value or only the ones who follow my ideals and beliefs?
  • Can I show compassion to any human who is suffering, or do I rationalize human suffer with anger and hate towards how the person is choosing to live?
  • Does love for humanity dictate how I treat people or does my judgments about a sinful lifestyle?
  • Do I understand that loving yourself is a part of the journey or do I feel my life has no value in my religious practice?

Work or Career

  • Do I see the value and importance of every position and person, or do I see others and myself as greater or less than someone else?
  • Do I believe in myself and take pride in the work I produce or do I come from a place of not enough?
  • Do I strive to do my best no matter what the task,  or do I think, “I don’t want to be here” and let the work suffer?
  • Do I see my opportunities to make a difference or do I shrink to fit into a box?
  • Do I stay in a situation because I love it or because I am afraid to see what would happen if I followed  my passion?

Overall Interactions with People

  • Is it more important to show compassion or be right?
  • Am I open to look at the situation from a different perspective, or  Do I have to judge other people’s journeys?
  • Am I happy for other people when they are successful or do I find a reason to attack them?
  • Do I see my own beauty or attack other people’s imperfections?
  • Do you I responsibility for my own choices or blame others?

Myself

  • Which is an easier list to write, what I like about myself or what I hate about myself?
  • When I make a mistake, I learn from it and move on, or I beat myself up?
  • I can look in the mirror and smile at the reflection in the mirror or I judge the reflection in the mirror?
  • I understand and accept that I’m not perfect or I expect myself to be perfect?
  • I can choose to be better or I am stuck in a vicious cycle of self-abuse?

Remember, there is no reason to beat yourself up for ANY time you have chosen to live out of alignment with love. We all make that choice sometimes, it is one of our greatest teachers when we can see it and take a step in a different direction. Understand that we are all humans and will choose based on what we feel is best at that moment. If we are not showing ourselves love, it will be easy to slip into fearful actions.

Try not to judge those who choose fear, because then you are choosing it too. Instead, see the opportunity to learn from the situation and figure out how to inspire love in the given situation. It will have amazing benefits for you and the other people involved. Your hate, anger, fear, and judgments are signals. If investigated and transformed into loving thought and actions they have the power to make wonderful changes in your own life and the lives of those around you. The ripple effect will go on and on. Does the ripple you choose inspire love or fear? Every word and action matter. Do the best you can.

Sometimes fear will get the better of us. If we get past that, forgive ourselves, and move on, we will have so much more to contribute to our world and our humanity. If we can stand up for what matters from a loving place, we will be able to see so many more opportunities and ways to fix the things that are hurting us. Together our love will heal the world. Divided we will suffer and struggle. Which path will you choose today? I choose love.

With love and gratitude for all,

Rachael Wolff

 

 

 

 

 

People Act Differently Based on the Strength of Their Inner-Worth

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People act differently based on the strength of their inner-worth. If we are reacting to someone else’s negatively, it means it is time to work on building up our own. Treat yourself kindly; you are your greatest strength.

Our lives shine when we can:

  • Look at people’s actions from different perspectives- Love is kind. If someone is not acting from kindness, what is going on? Are they really mad, hurt, sad, or confused by me or by what’s going on inside them? If I reacted to their actions from a loving place, how would that look? How would I feel?
  • Question how we are choosing to see things- Are you looking at the situation from a love or a fear based angle? How are some other ways I can see this?
  • Check-in with ourselves when we react to other people’s behaviors- Why am I feeling this way? How does their behavior reflect on me?
  • Look at what is happening to us from different perspectives- Lose a job, relationship, or suffer an injury: Maybe there is a lesson that will lead you to a life greater than you ever imagined. Open yourself up to learn from it and see what happens.
  • Love ourselves wholeheartedly!

With love, peace, and gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

Lessons in the Drama

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“Argue with your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours.”

-Richard Bach, Illusions: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah p. 75

 

Drama can be a great inspiration to grow. Life can be nice, calm, and move along, but where is the fun in that. When we start seeing drama as a teacher, we can appreciate the lesson and move on and away from it much faster. Sometimes it takes drama to get us to change. Drama likes to stick around us and get worse until we learn the lesson. How do we know when we learned it? The same situation can be there, but there is no more drama surrounding it. The situation changes or it goes away. It is as simple as that. If it still creates an emotional reaction, the lesson has not been learned.

I have an ex-husband. Our relationship was not pretty. It was full of drama, and it got worse and worse throughout our relationship. I had to come to a point where I said enough. Not enough to him, but enough to myself. I wasn’t getting peace at home because I had no idea what peace looked like within me. I was constantly a part of the drama. I was the person that people felt sorry for and was the victim of my world. I knew nothing about how to have a low drama life. I was an awful-izer. I knew how to make absolutely everything around me awful. My relationship, my kids, my friends, and my life. I was swimming in a pool of drama. I could see everyone’s toxicity around me, but I couldn’t see my own. I love all those saying about leaving the negative people and drama behind. The part I didn’t get, “I” had to leave it behind.

The drama in my life told me, I needed to change. For years, I tried to change the situation around me, my location, friends, jobs, and partners. The problem was that I didn’t change the source of the problem: ME. I kept expecting different results and the drama kept escalating. I wasn’t getting it, and the drama wouldn’t stop coming until I did.

After embracing a path that was about changing myself, everything in my life improved. Do I still struggle with drama from time to time? Yes. Yesterday was actually one of those days. I wrapped myself right up in it. My head was in a completely chaotic place about my daughter and where she was emotionally. I completely submersed myself in my story about how horrible things are for her and felt completely helpless about how I could help her. The drama was building up around her. Yesterday, I crashed. I hit the point I call it a breakdown to breakthrough moment.

I needed the drama to get me to do something different. I needed to stop talking about the problem and start embracing a solution. Once I was able to get to that place and see my part in the drama the miracles started happening. People started showing up to help. I got appointments in the small windows of space  I had open. The voice inside me said, “It’s time!”.

We can pretend the drama is not there by focusing on other people, doing for them what we don’t do for ourselves. We can gossip and read about all the other problems in the world and bitch and complain until we are blue in the face. We can blame our parents, brothers, sisters, friends, family, partners, and kids. You name it, we can do it. The problem is, we are just letting the drama grow and fester until the point of explosion. We can’t change it and make it better until we see our part in it. If we didn’t have a part in it, the drama wouldn’t affect us. It couldn’t effect us. Drama only has a life when we create it.

Are you engaged in someone else’s drama? We only engage in someone else’s when we are avoiding our own. Something inside us is stirred up and not getting attention. Otherwise, when someone else has something going on we know how to separate it and look at it from a constructive point of view. I’m amazed when people feel like they are putting their problems on me. Nobody can put their problems on me. If I pick up their problems and walk away with them, that is my stuff. I know when I am supporting a person, Their drama is their journey. I don’t take their situation personally. I don’t take it personally when they don’t agree with what I’m saying or the advice I am giving. It is not my drama, and I know it.

Is it more challenging when it is our own kids, partners, family and friends? Of course, because they are the best sources for our deepest and most powerful lessons. I was just there yesterday. The great news, the time it takes to learn from the drama gets shorter and shorter as we become aware and take less personally.

Here are a few of the resources I use to teach me the lesson in the drama:

  1. Byron Katie. My favorite book is Loving What is  in the audiobook version because it has her in the live sessions. Nothing beats hearing her at work. What her work does is it gets me to question my thinking. She doesn’t say that I need to change it. She just makes the participant aware of it. You can also find her sessions on her Facebook page, The Work of Byron Katie.
  2. Don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom This book is an easy read that educates the reader on how to free themselves from the drama that surrounds us. It helps us become the best versions of ourselves and not to take other people’s journeys personally. I can’t tell you how many times I have read this book!
  3. Talk to drama free people. When I want change, I want people who are solution oriented. I’m not interested in getting advice from people who are jumping into the pot with me. If I go to advice from those people, I know I still have work to do.
  4. Become aware of self-talk. I know that this will effect everything! If I am being hard on myself and have my “bad me” bat out, I will not find the best solution. I will take the fear and anger route and that never leads to good things. I only create more drama. The whole point is to learn from it and move on.
  5. Get out the gratitude list. I will write every day about what I’m grateful for. Nothing gets me out of drama faster than realizing, I don’t need to be in it.
  6. The positive play list. I created a play list on my phone that is full with songs that inspire me to feel better and move. I also have a library full of audiobooks and meditations.
  7. Walk around the lake. I love walking around the lake and playing a meditation to get my head straight. I’m a big fan of the Oprah & Deepak 21-Day Meditation ExperienceThere are different experiences available for helping with a variety of topics. These are a great ways to stay centered. If you don’t have a lake or it is not accessible, find a peaceful place and use it.
  8. Keep the Feed Clean. I love Facebook because I have liked so many wonderful pages that help to keep my positive thoughts on whenever I need a boost. I choose not to follow anything that is negative. You can find many of the pages that feed my thinking on my Facebook page: From A Loving Place

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff

Please, come on this journey with me! Pick a post that calls to you from the menu on the top left corner of the title page on the From A Loving Place website and like me on Facebook. Send me a message, I would love to hear from you.

(All red type is a link to the site being discussed)

Photo Credit: Rachael Wolff

 

 

We All Have Our Own Journey

Why do we feel it necessary to judge others’ journeys? I find it so easy to get caught in this web. When I can pull myself back from it, I can see a better way. I choose to embrace my own journey!

When I put the focus back on me and see that I’m only emotional triggered when someone else’s story hits too close to home, I’m set free. In this place, I can heal my old wounds. I can take responsibility for my thoughts, feelings, and actions. My power returns back to me.

I have gone through a lot in my life. I could have chose the bitter, victim of the world route and many people would rationalize my decision. I chose a different way. I chose to keep getting up, learn what I needed to, and move on. This is my journey.

It took me a lot of work, spiritual guidance, and loving support to get me where I am today. I had a lot of challenging lessons that I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but they gave me exactly what I needed. Because of that, I can’t deny someone else’s journey is any different. We are all going through exactly what we need to for our personal journey.

Some of the most heart wrenching stories have the most to teach. We are all created different, we need to have different stories too. We need all of them to make this planet thrive. We can’t expect others to live according to our own path.

We will only ever leave impressions that may help others figure out their own path. Loving actions can plant seeds, ignite passions, and create positive energy around a situation. All judgments do is make a person feel worse and bury themselves deeper in the pain that is holding them back. If a person is leading a lifestyle that is hurting her/himself or others there is a shame cycle running through them. Shaming them feeds that cycle. They will experience consequences for their actions, they will pay the price, but we can help them by not keeping them in a prison of thought.

When we focus on our own journey, we can be a light for others. We don’t have to push our beliefs on them. We just need to show them by how we choose to live.

I’ve learned to help others  and myself by asking more questions. They, just like me, may get defensive when someone is approaching the buried truth. That’s a good thing, as long as I allow them to have their reaction without filling myself up with the defensive energy too. That is when the situation can get out of control. I keep reminding myself, this is their journey. I also remind myself when it’s my journey and that I don’t need to take all the advice that is given to me. I don’t have to get angry with someone for giving me advice either. It just means someone cares and they are doing the best they can with the tools they have.

My mom is a great example of a person who is really good at uncovering this through questions. She is one of the few people who can reach my hot spots for growth. I feel safe enough to react in my defensive way, come back, and understand what I was covering up. I’m very lucky to have her. By example, she has taught me to do the same thing.

Once I changed, so did some of the people around me. My circle of friends is amazing!! We are all very supportive of each other’s growth. I have this, because that’s where I put my energy. I don’t jump down into other people’s holes and I don’t expect them to jump into mine. I sit next to the hole and wait for them to tell me they would like a hand getting out. My solid foundation of love can only help them if they use their personal strength to pull themselves up. People only come to me when they really want change.

I also have learned not to take other people’s journeys personal. They need to go through and repeat their lessons as many times as it takes for them to figure out their own way. I am here to give them seeds of hope. It is their choice whether to put them in the ground and let them take root. The same goes for me, when the roles are reversed.

The most important lesson for me was to embrace my own journey. I know, I can only give what I already have inside. If I spot something in someone else, it’s because I have it in myself too. The best part about that is it includes the good stuff.

We are capable of embracing the light or the dark inside us at any point in time.  The dark has a lot to teach, I like to make sure that even in my darkest spots, I embrace the candlelight to have a foundation for love to guide my way. The better I talk to myself, the quicker I will get through the dark spots.

Embrace your own journey! It’s worth focusing on. You are worth it!

An Open Letter to Those I Have Judged…

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“Unconsciousness, dysfunctional egoic behavior, can never be defeated by attacking it. Even if you defeat your opponent, the unconsciousness will simply have moved into you, or the opponent reappears in a new disguise. Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists.” -Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose p. 75

To all of those I have and haven’t judged:

First, I would like to apologize and to say that this letter is directed at me as much as it is to you. I don’t know anything about your life experience. I don’t know what got you to the place you are right now. I have no idea what you experienced as a child, a teenager, or an adult that contributes to the decisions you make today. Whether you lead the life I think I want, or it’s a life I can’t imagine having. Either way, judging it or myself in comparison, is not how I want to live my life anymore. I am no better or worse than you are, I am different. I finally understand the power of the negative energy that I have been putting on you and me. I will choose to be happy for your successes and send loving thoughts to those who are struggling to make healthy choices for themselves and others.

I know that every person has strengths and weaknesses, and it is my personal journey to embrace either one I choose. I can decide to get out of my own mental/emotional position, at any moment, for better or worse. I know that judgments (including about myself) put a negative energy into the world and I am contributing to the problem instead of the solution. I know that things such as the media, politics, society, poverty, wealth, food, technology, health, religion, and addictions are the way they are, because of focusing on the negative energy in myself, others, communities, and the world. If I keep focusing on what I don’t want to see in the world, I will keep making it worse. If that is where my focus stays, then I am responsible for my part of that energy.

“I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.”

-Mother Teresa

I know that when I look at the world with love and compassion, I only see more examples of it. I know if I stop contributing to the hate, then I’m contributing to the same power that comes from the miracles of prayer. It is not my job to tell you who to be or what to believe. It is not my business if you pray, send positive thoughts, or are being the example of love in motion. When I am the change that I want to see in the world, the world has no other choice than to get better. Even if it starts with the people around me, I know that love will spread.

From this point on, when I catch myself judging, I will instead, send you love. I will look at myself and ask myself if I have the right to judge anyone else’s life? The answer will always be no. If you are contributing to the love in the world, I will send you more for added strength and courage. If you are contributing to hate, whether it is for yourself or others, I will send you love in hopes that it will help you see a better way.

My hope is that this message spreads to all of those who are feeling alone because you are not perfect. I want you to know, neither am I. I have made poor health, partner, parenting, love, and life choices too. I will send my love your way and pray that you get the energy you need to make the choices that will help you become stronger, braver, and more compassionate to yourself and others. I hope that you find away to forgive yourself and start a new day.  In life or death, let no one else’s energy hold you back from leading a love filled life.

In closing, I want to thank all the people who lead different lives than I do. I learn what I want to improve about my own life. I learn how to be stronger, braver, and more compassionate to all those around me. I know that if I focus on the lesson instead of the judgment, I grow as a person. Each one of you helps me become the person I know that I want to be. I am a person building a house on a foundation of love.

With all the love I have to give,

A Better Me

Photo Credit: Rachael Wolff (as always)

This piece was also featured on BeingBetterHumans.com. The site is filled with wonderful inspiring stories.