Taking Responsibility for Contributing to the Collective

I’m taking responsibility for what I’m contributing to the collective. I’m not responsible for what anyone else is doing. I’m serving my highest good when I’m aligned with energy of love, abundance, and peace. It’s not just about the actions I take, but it’s the energy, thoughts, and beliefs I put into those actions. If I do things from the energy of fear, lack, and separation, I’m contributing more fear, lack, and separation to the collective—EVEN IF my actions are what others think will benefit the collective.

What I’ve discovered in the last year of doing the Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace (click to read more) blog series is that doing things for the wrong reasons, which is out of fear, lack, and separation doesn’t serve anybody. The same action can be taken by two people, one out of fear and the other out of love. The one that comes from love is the one that serves the collective in the best way possible. The one that comes out of fear still contributes to the collective of fear. I’ve seen this in the world and within myself over and over. I’ve come to the conclusion that if I truly want to contribute to the collective energy of love, abundance, and peace, I have to take responsibility for when I’m not doing that. I have to watch where my thoughts, beliefs, and energy are going.

I’ve watched myself struggle through some very dark perspectives that have led me to take actions. Even though the ACTIONS were positive, the energy I was contributing to them wasn’t. I was in the energy of fear, lack, and separation and as much as the steps could be good for the whole, my energy wasn’t so I was still contributing to more fear, lack, and separation. It took me a long time to figure out the impact of this on myself and others.

Even now, I’m raising two teenagers whose experiences can help me see where I’m holding onto emotional pain from when I was a teen. I’ve seen myself react out of fear of them repeating patterns. I’m still actively trying to navigate not letting my actions be out of fear while helping them work their ways through this time. I keep repeating to myself, “I’m giving them seeds, they have to choose if they are going to plant them.” I remind myself that they will have to experience what is necessary for their own paths. I have no control over that. The best I can do is guide them by aligning my own energy, because then I know I’m serving them the best I can. I’m responsible for what I contribute to their journeys and that’s it.

When I take responsibility for what I contribute to the collective, it means that I’m going inside to keep myself in check. It’s not about if people agree with my perspectives, choices, and actions. If I know that my energy is aligned with love, abundance, and peace, the choices I’m making are serving the highest good for the collective. If I’m aligned with fear, lack, and separation, I take responsibility for that and do my best to figure out how stop contributing to that energy in this moment. THIS MOMENT is the only place I can make choices to do better.

With Love and Gratitude,

©Rachael Wolff 2021, Author of Letters from a Better Me

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Daily Aligning with Love, Abundance, and Peace #213

I’m grateful I’m open to see my emotional triggers. When I react in extreme ways that don’t match the situation, I know I’ve been triggered. If something happens and I start playing a story in my head of how I want to tell someone off or a million things that I would love to say, I know I’m emotionally triggered. If something small makes me hide behind my walls, I know I’m emotionally triggered. None of these reactions are about what is happening in the moment. They are about an old story playing about something that isn’t fully healed from my past.

I used to be very unconscious of this and take it out on the person in front of me. I would blame them for how I was feeling. I would give my power away. Now, I see when I’m triggered as an opportunity to heal. Sometimes I catch it after I react, I’m human. I’ve learned to take the space I need to see my trigger clearly. If I reacted to a loved one, I always go back to take responsibility for my reaction and explain how I was feeling and why. This has helped my relationships grow and strengthen.

I feel so blessed to have learned how to process and learn from my emotional triggers. Doing this definitely aligns me with the energy of love, abundance, and peace over fear, lack, and separation. It helps me not be vulnerable to people, groups, organizations, products, or influencers that feed on people NOT recognizing their triggers. When we don’t recognize them, we become prey to people who know how to manipulate them to get us to do what they want. The problem is when we don’t recognize them, we are unconsciously leaking out the energy of fear, lack, and separation. Like attract like, so if someone is looking for that energy, we begin to feel the magnetic force drawing us in. It’s so incredibly dangerous, I much rather take responsibility for what is mine and transform my energy into love, abundance, and peace. The people that are attracted to that energy are the ones I love spending my time with.

Today, I’m committing to take responsibility for my emotional triggers. If the feelings start coming up, I will give myself space to see what they are really about. I will take a deep breath and release it to give me space to step outside of the chaos of the emotional trigger. If I react before I catch myself, I will look at my reaction, take responsibility for it, and then learn from the experience.

Holding myself responsible and accountable for my triggers doesn’t mean I am blaming myself either. Self-blame is just another form of self-abuse which keeps us in the energy of fear, lack, and separation. Taking responsibility for my emotional triggers is about learning from them so that they don’t have power over me and making sure I don’t give myself away by unconsciously sliding into the energy of fear, lack, and separation. When I take responsibility for the energy that is coming out of me, I can do something about it. I can sit with it to learn from it, and when I’m ready, release it through forgiveness. Then, I bring myself back to the energy of love, abundance, and peace.

If you are wondering about the other party involved, I’ve learned that when I can speak clearly from an, “I feel _____________ because____________” without an extreme reaction, the other person is more open to hear what I have to say and the communication tends to be on a healthy level, unless they are an abuser. When I was dealing with an abuser, I found it best when I kept a calm voice, never blamed, and stated how I felt, but it wasn’t about how they responded. It was about me staying in my peace, because I was less appealing to attack if I genuinely remained in my peace. This took a lot of practice, and when I got REALLY good at it, I felt strong enough to leave and I never looked back. I had to interact with him over the years from time to time, but because I don’t react, I stay in my peace, I don’t blame, and I just state facts with no emotional windows for him to sneak through, he has no power of me. Remember, like attracts like. Abusers can only have power if we are in the energy of fear, lack, and separation too. They are not attracted to people who live authentically from the energy of love, abundance, and peace.

All the things I’ve been talking about for the last 213 days are all just steps on the journey. I’m sharing my daily work to stay in the energy of love, abundance, and peace as much as I can. I will slip in and out, but I want to be in more than I’m out. There are so many amazing blessings on this journey, but the key is doing things to stay conscious daily. If you want to come on this journey with me, scroll down and sign up to follow this blog. We can only create more love, abundance, and peace in the world if we are doing the work to stay in that energy as we represent what we stand for out in the world.

With Love, Abundance, and Peace,

©Rachael Wolff 2021

Author of Letters from a Better Me: How Becoming an Empowered Woman Transforms the World (click title for information, formats, and purchasing options)

Differences between Taking Responsibility and Blaming

Learning the differences between taking responsibility and blaming was one of the most powerful tools I’ve learned to live a fulfilling life. Now, I’ve been getting lessons on this one since I was a teenager. I think my mom’s favorite lines were, “I can’t make you do anything.” Along with, “I can’t make you feel anything.” She helped me to see (while fighting, dragging, and clawing to hold onto blame) that I have more power than I was giving myself. What took me a lot longer to figure out was the difference between taking responsibility versus self-blaming. I would self-blame relentlessly to the point of suicide attempts. 

For someone in the stage of contemplating suicide knowing the difference can mean life or death. For someone who is so full of rage over someone else’s poor choices, it can be what gives them the power to rise above and take care of their own energy, so that they are not dragged down to respond with violence. 

We can’t MAKE anyone do anything to serve the highest good, but we can choose to be responsible for what we are doing. Our thoughts, beliefs, actions, and reactions matter, so taking care of those can and will make a difference in how we CHOOSE to live our lives. Being able practice this tool means first understanding the differences between responsibility and blaming.

Here are some of the differences:

  • Taking responsibility opens our minds to possibilities of solutions and change. Blaming creates wars both internally and externally while focusing on the problem instead of the solution.
  • Taking responsibility takes down defensive walls, while blaming builds them.
  • Taking responsibility empowers us to be human while celebrating it and learning from it. Blaming disempowers us.
  • Taking responsibility is healthy, which includes healthy self-talk and healthy communications with others.  Blaming is unhealthy and can include abusive thinking and/or actions towards ourselves and others. 
  • Taking responsibility involves aligning with positive energy. Blaming buries us in our own darkness.
  • Taking responsibility focuses on what we want. Blaming focuses on what we don’t want.

Taking personal responsibility involves being aware of how our thoughts, feelings, actions, and reactions affect our choices. Once we become aware of our part in any choices that had a negative outcome, we open ourselves up to make better choices in the future. We give others a tool on how to work with us better in the future, even if the future is within minutes away. Taking responsibility takes the toxic weight of blame and shame out of the room. 

Blaming is the foundation of toxic problem-solving. When we use the negative energy of blame to come up with solutions, our energy is working against us. Our focus is in the problem, which tends to create more problems. This works the same inside us as it does outside of us. When we hold onto negative energy of someone else’s choices, we are responsible for that energy. We are responsible for feeding the beast.

Taking responsibility doesn’t mean it’s all your fault, it just mean you see where you can do better. There is no self-abuse. 

Sometimes we just have to ask ourselves

  • What perspectives, thoughts, and beliefs am I holding that are contributing towards and energy I don’t want?
  • How can I change what isn’t working?
  • What actions can I take to remove myself from unhealthy people making unhealthy choices?
  • How do I stand up for what I believe without putting my energy into what I’m against?
  • What did I do to confuse this situation? What can I do to fix my part?
  • What can I contribute to a positive solution?
  • What choice in actions will make me feel better about what happened?
  • How do I keep my side of the street clean?

What other people do is there business. You only have to consider the energy flowing through you and what you want that to look like. Nobody else’s poor choices are worth us going down internally with them. Our minds, bodies, outlooks, and beliefs can be empowered or disempowered and the choice is ALWAYS ours. 

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2020

38 More Day Until the Release of Letters from A Better Me!

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 83: Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

Dear Self,

I’m the only one who can invite dark energy into my internal home. I trust that if I attach to a person’s darkness in the physical world and invite that darkness to stir inside of me, I’ve invited the darkness in. I’m responsible for anything the darkness does inside of my internal home. If I’m attaching to the darkness, there is a reason for it. I have something to learn from it. I have a piece of me to heal if I’ve invited darkness in to teach me what I need to learn. I am resisting learning, which is why the darkness came to my door.

I have options when I see that I’ve invited the darkness into my home. The darkness stimulates fear, judgment, guilt, shame, hate, vengeance, greed, and/or ego—Just to name a few. I can see options in my thinking that will stimulate love, compassion, empathy, peace, joy, connection, and hope. I can find reasons to look at the situation from different perspectives to see that the only thing that is trapping me in my darkness are my thoughts. I am choosing my thoughts, so I have the key to get out of the darkness when I’m ready.

I can turn on the light. My first step towards turning on the light is prayer. I pray for the courage to face myself in my darkness. I know that the person, thing, or event in my physical world only triggered me to see my darkness. Now by choosing to shine the light on it, I’m willing to look deeper to see what my dark corner has hidden. For that, I need courage. Once I pray, I like giving myself space to mediate. When I’m quiet and my breath is steady, I hear the Divine whisper to me. If I don’t hear the answer consciously yet, my next step is to go out in nature and focus on what I see, hear, smell, touch, and/or taste. This opens my senses up to receiving answers. Most times nature offers me some insight. I go and stretch through my thoughts and center myself with the Earth through the practice of yoga. I don’t usually have to go any further, but sometimes if the dark energy is just lodged down deep, I shake it out and dance. My light switch clicks on.

This is where I can spot any toxic waste and build-up that is hidden in the dark. These are my old perspectives of truth that I may have thought I got rid of but they are still lingering and spreading like mold. These are those old beliefs that say things like, People have to like me so that I have value, I’m small, I’m unlovable, I’m a victim, I’m more important than another person, I’m less important than another person, I’m nothing, I’m entitled to more, I don’t deserve more, etc. I have to look at my toxic energy that is causing toxic patterns in my life. Those toxic patterns are what I attach to in other people’s darkness. If I’m being triggered by darkness, I’m in a great space to see the secrets that are being hidden in those dark corners.

Now, I can clean it out. My self-care regimen can help me to work through these old beliefs that I’m attaching to. I don’t have space for them anymore. It’s time to replace them with perspectives of truth that make my internal home warm, cozy, safe, comfortable, beautiful, loving, and inspiring. I pray for assistance to help me transform any toxic energy into light producing energy so that I’m able to project more love out into the world. The more clarity I get, the better the job I do at cleaning up the mess. I’m responsible for the upkeep, maintenance, growth, development, and expansion of my internal home.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m so grateful for the dark energy that I invited in because it showed me what areas of my internal home that still need work.
  2. I’m grateful that I’m empowered to make the changes I need to in order to shine my light.
  3. I’m grateful to God for helping me find my courage and strength to face my darkness and take responsibility for it.
  4. I’m grateful to the people who trigger my darkness because they help me to become a better version of me.
  5. I’m grateful for all the unlimited choices I have on perspectives. I love that I ALWAYS have options of how I want to look at things.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 83: Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

“I think we are all advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 A.M. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends.”

-Joan Didion

We are the only ones who can invite dark toxic energy into our internal homes. We are the only ones who can turn our homes into dilapidated shacks by not taking care of them. No one is to blame for how we feel inside of us, but we are responsible. The outside world may take away choices from specific situations and we may be led down some paths that our mere physical survival is a miracle—Inside we have choices. We can write whatever story we want about our internal lives. We can connect and/or disconnect to any perspective of truth, story, feeling, and/or thought. We just have to be open enough to see that inside us is where true freedom lies.

In Part II, I wrote about accepting our pasts and releasing the unknown future. The more we can get into the NOW, the less likely that those stories from the past and the attachments to some unknown future will be used to tear apart our internal homes. Trauma therapy uses techniques to help detach a person from the story of their trauma. This doesn’t mean the trauma didn’t happen, but the story of it is what keeps it hurting us now even if the actual trauma happened decades ago.

When we let these stories live inside of us, we are living within a dilapidated shack that needs a re-model to make it the internal home of our dreams. The problem is when our internal world has a dilapidated shack at the center of it; we invite dark and toxic energy into our internal world on a regular basis. We actually are comfortable in that energy because that is where we internally live. We attract people in the physical world who will bring us the energy we feed on to comfortably live within our internal worlds. If we are attached to an internal world filled with chaos, we attract chaos. If we are attached to an internal world filled with fear, shame, blame, guilt, shame, judgment, hate, and vengeance—YOU GOT IT! The Universe will give you what you are asking by what you are projecting out. If your words to the Universe don’t match what is going on inside of you, what is going on inside of you will trump any words you speak. The darkness we invite in is our teacher for some VERY important lessons.

We are responsible for any darkness in our internal homes or dilapidated shacks. Every home will have dark spots, but if we are willing to see them, shine the light on them, and clean up that area where the darkness touched—WE HEAL!  We learn the lesson the teacher brought us. We get better! We strengthen the light within us.

Part of the process to being a better me is being able to see our own darkness with clarity. Our darkness has a beautiful purpose. It can serve us if we are willing to look at it instead of letting it grow, fester, and spread. When we attract someone to our lives that shows us our internal chaos, we have the opportunity to clean up our own darkness. We can’t assign this cleanup, remodel, and/or gut job to anybody else. If we want to change, we have to take the responsibility to look at ourselves when presented by the darkness in our physical world. If we are attaching to it, we bring it inside of us and we’ve invited it in.

6 Steps to Transforming the Darkness within Our Internal Homes

  1. Recognize the dark energy festering inside of you that was triggered by an outside source (person, animal, event, object, etc.). How are you responsible for inviting this energy in? What about this outside source created your own darkness to stir up inside of you? What about this source are you attaching to?
  2. See thought options that can shine light on your darkness. Don’t focus on changing your thoughts here, just look at your options of thoughts. What thoughts could bring peace, calm, joy, compassion, empathy, trust, faith, hope, freedom, positivity, purpose, etc. to the dark room in your home? These are your cleanup products and tools to help you fix-up any space the darkness affected. Once you know your options…
  3. Choose an action to help you turn your light on. The light switch can be prayer, dance, meditation, yoga, conscious breathing, mindfulness practices, walking, consciously exploring nature, and the list goes on and on. Many of these tools have been mentioned throughout the series.
  4. Spot the toxic waste left behind from past darkness. Be careful because toxic waste can be tricky to handle. It likes to spread poison within our homes making the structure weak. Like mold, it can hide inside our walls. The more open we are to let the darkness pass through us, the more we will be able to see any toxic spots that are trying to linger, fester, grow and spread. These are those deep belief systems (perspectives of truth) that are latching on to keep the dark thoughts that were triggered alive. The thoughts that were triggered are exposing some of the toxins left behind from long ago they show themselves as entitlement, envy, greed, sloth, vengeance, cruelty, victimhood, and rage—Just to name a few. All of these are derivatives of FEAR.
  5. START CLEANING! You see it; now clean it up with the products and tools you’ve been given. The more you get these toxic energies cleaned out, the closer you get to living and leading a purpose-filled life with a deep connection to your Divine source. Your light gets brighter the more you clean out.
  6. Be grateful for what the dark energy within you exposed. Be grateful for the teacher and the lesson. Now, the old you might have sunk into the depths of shame and guilt when you invited dark energy into your home. You might have contributed to making rooms darker and turning off more lights to the point where things around you began to fall apart and crumble. The better you has the opportunity to grow and expand from the exposed darkness. You have learned how to shine your light effectively into your home and find the secrets hidden in the walls. This is something to be EXTREMELY grateful for.

We now can create an even better space than we had before. We took responsibility for our mess and cleaned it up! So embrace the darkness and what it shows us. Fighting it and/or numbing it (addictions) will only make it stronger. We want to learn from what it has to show us. We want it to help us spot the areas we need to clean up and re-purpose. You have all the products and tools you need in this very moment. The more you use the tools you already have, the more that will become available to you in order to grow and expand from the place you are.

If you are reading this piece separately, I invite you to go back and see what you’ve missed in the series. The 90-Day A Better Me Series is like a puzzle. You want to have all the pieces to see the whole picture. Here’s a quick link to the category so that you can go back and explore what you’ve missed: https://fromalovingplace.com/category/90-day-a-better-me-series/

For best results: I suggest reading the series all the way through. You may find that by doing this you are led to people, places, and/or things that open up new doors and pathways to lead you to be living a purpose-filled life—Miracles abound! You just have to take the journey and trust that at this moment, you are exactly where you are meant to be.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home