How Beliefs Work to Help or Hurt Ourselves and Others

Over and over, I’m reminded of how many times us as individuals believe something and try to make what we believe true for someone else. Our thoughts about doing it can be well intended. We can think that our beliefs save someone else from themselves or others. We can think that our education gives us the facts on what is real and what isn’t. We can believe that our faith is what everyone else REALLY needs. We can believe we are more and someone else is less or that we are less and someone else is more. Beliefs can cause us great pain to ourselves and other, and beliefs can lift us up, so we can help others lift themselves. 

Here’s What I Know

Beliefs are perspectives. We can each choose to believe a perspective that feels right to us. We will base our beliefs in science, faith, family, education, culture, society, media, social circles, support groups, religion, relationships, political views, history, etc.  In the end, we will each make the choices that feel right for us at the time. NOBODY’S beliefs are 100% the same. They can’t be. Each individual’s experiences will form, change, alter, shift, grow, and expand based on each event that takes place in his or her life. 

That’s Not True

We all get exposed to people sharing their opinions of what is true and what isn’t. We each have a right to share our truths. We will all find our own truth whether someone else believes what we say or not.  I’ve been told that my way of healing from my history of trauma wasn’t true for victims of rape. UMMMMM… if it is true for me, and it is what helped me have healthy relationships with myself and others—How can someone else say that it’s not true? A victim of any trauma can choose to stay in a place of pain or they can find a path to thrive. It depends on each individual’s mindset on what they want the experience to mean for their lives. I do my best to inform people that my views of the world are MY perspectives. If someone takes a seed that I give and wants to plant it in their internal world that is completely up to them.  But does it make my or their experiences any less true? No, because it is what we are experiencing based on the beliefs we have chosen to follow. 

We are a society that is very quick to judge something as absolute, when very little is actually absolute.  When someone says, “That’s not true” or you find yourself thinking it, just try for a moment to say to yourself, “That is what is true for them, why?” Go deeper! If you want to engage with the person, try to find out why she or he came to the beliefs that are guiding her/him. Here are a few suggestion of questions you could ask:

  • Does believing that make you feel better about yourself or about the world? Why or why not?
  • How does believing that help you make good and healthy choices?
  • How does believing what you do limit your ability to change and grow and/or how does is help it? 
  •  How do you find what you say to be true?
  • Do you think this belief helps or hurts your connections with others?
  • Do you think this belief limits your thinking or expands your opportunity to learn?

Every time I hear myself saying that someone else’s beliefs aren’t true, I have to tell myself that is their perspective of truth. Then, I need to determine whether it is worth trying to find out more, leave it alone, or let them know what I believe.  One thing I know for sure is if someone is drinking or on drugs, I keep my mouth shut and walk away. If I care about the person and authentically want to know why they believe the things they do, I ask when they are sober. We each have to make that choice for ourselves. I can tell you I’ve grown and expanded in my beliefs because of being open to learn and listen about how others think.  If I am exposed to a belief that comes from a place of fear, often time I don’t comment, because I know I need to find my own way of expressing my beliefs, hence my blog, articles I’ve written, and my upcoming book. People who want to know what I believe will choose to read my work, follow me on social media, call, text, or email me with questions or asking for advice. Each of us is having experiences that are true for us right now. The quicker we understand that, the easier it will be to authentically connect with someone else. Our perspectives don’t have to be the same in order to find common ground. 

Our Personal Paths

I know that I’m not going to force anyone to change their beliefs or convince them that what they believe is true or isn’t, that’s not my job. I feel my purpose is to share my perspectives in case there is another person out there that can relate or that is looking to change, shift, and grow because they aren’t comfortable where they are, or they simply want to gain more perspectives to help them find their own perspectives of truth that work best for them.  All I ever can offer someone else is seeds from my garden. Not all my seeds will grow into big strong trees, beautiful flowers, or luscious edibles. If I’m sharing out of old belief systems of pain, chaos, confusion, and/or fear, I’m giving seeds that contain weeds and strangling vines that will do damage if planted. I can’t say I’ve never given these kinds of seeds out because I lived my life in a lot of pain for many years. I didn’t mean to hurt someone else, but I was self-abusing and when we self-abuse, the seeds we have become toxic, invasive species. The healthier I got, the more weeds and strangling vines I pulled out of my own garden. When I did that, I limited the toxic seeds I distributed.

We each start our lives with a collection of seeds. Some of them are inherently planted before we are even able to process thoughts. As we travel along our paths we are given seed after seed and we decided whether or not to plant them. Sometimes we have to make space by clearing out an area of our garden that no longer serves us. No garden is the same. All gardens are ever-changing, growing, and expanding. Some are not well kept and are neglected. Others are thriving with amazing life. Then there is everything in-between. 

Our Choices

Many of us limit our power by believing we don’t have any. We convince ourselves that we are trapped (a perspective). We give our power away time and time again by blaming others for the way we feel, think, act, and react. We give away our power by believing someone or something can make us live the way we are living. Nothing outside of us needs to change in order to live a better life. What needs to be worked on is between our own two ears. When we realize how much power we have to internally change our thoughts, beliefs, feelings, actions, and reactions, we open ourselves up to creating a beautiful expansive garden. 

We Are Here to Learn

Anyone who has ever gardened knows that it takes continued maintenance to have a healthy garden— we are no different. The longer we go without self-care and self-maintenance, the more the weeds will grow and spread. Even if we do take good care of ourselves, old weeds will pop-up looking pretty as they invasively spread and take life from our healthy flowers and plants.  We are here in this life to learn. 

We need those weeds to help us see how we can grow and expand in a healthier way,  or if we choose a destructive way. We just want to make sure we don’t let them take over. When weeds take over, we know by our addictions that we use to numb ourselves, along with anything else we do to avoid doing the work to change the things we don’t like in our lives (blaming, shaming, bullying, gossiping, etc.) The more open we are to learn, the more healthy our gardens will be. 

Why Do I Stay Focused on this Topic?

If you follow FromALovingPlace.com, you know that I’ve written about this topic multiple times and in multiple different ways. Each post is different, but carries similar messages. This is part of my self-maintenance. I have to remember these things, because I’m not above being triggered. When I write these posts it soothes me. It helps me to see that a reaction I may have had was just a weed popping up that I need to pull out. Writing is one of the tools I use to pull out the weeds that can grow and spread if I don’t do something. Writing is my something. We all have to decide for ourselves, which tools we want to use, and how to use them. We aren’t here to plant our seeds in other people’s gardens. We can only offer our seeds. Writing on FromALovingPlace.com is how I offer the seeds I’ve planted. It also is helps me to plant seeds I’ve received. I use this blog to spread loving messages that help me maintain, grow, and expand my garden in a way that makes me feel good. If someone chooses to take them and plant them in their garden, the energy of love spreads. My seeds aren’t the only seeds. There are so many seeds that spread love. People don’t have to plant mine. That’s what I love about this process. The ones who offer different perspectives of love help me to expand my garden even more. Staying on this topic helps me to stay open to grow and expand. The more I can see the world through perspectives of truth, the more curious I get about learning from others. As I learned from my time in AL-ANON, I take what I like, and leave the rest.

With Love and Gratitude, 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 83: Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

“I think we are all advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 A.M. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends.”

-Joan Didion

We are the only ones who can invite dark toxic energy into our internal homes. We are the only ones who can turn our homes into dilapidated shacks by not taking care of them. No one is to blame for how we feel inside of us, but we are responsible. The outside world may take away choices from specific situations and we may be led down some paths that our mere physical survival is a miracle—Inside we have choices. We can write whatever story we want about our internal lives. We can connect and/or disconnect to any perspective of truth, story, feeling, and/or thought. We just have to be open enough to see that inside us is where true freedom lies.

In Part II, I wrote about accepting our pasts and releasing the unknown future. The more we can get into the NOW, the less likely that those stories from the past and the attachments to some unknown future will be used to tear apart our internal homes. Trauma therapy uses techniques to help detach a person from the story of their trauma. This doesn’t mean the trauma didn’t happen, but the story of it is what keeps it hurting us now even if the actual trauma happened decades ago.

When we let these stories live inside of us, we are living within a dilapidated shack that needs a re-model to make it the internal home of our dreams. The problem is when our internal world has a dilapidated shack at the center of it; we invite dark and toxic energy into our internal world on a regular basis. We actually are comfortable in that energy because that is where we internally live. We attract people in the physical world who will bring us the energy we feed on to comfortably live within our internal worlds. If we are attached to an internal world filled with chaos, we attract chaos. If we are attached to an internal world filled with fear, shame, blame, guilt, shame, judgment, hate, and vengeance—YOU GOT IT! The Universe will give you what you are asking by what you are projecting out. If your words to the Universe don’t match what is going on inside of you, what is going on inside of you will trump any words you speak. The darkness we invite in is our teacher for some VERY important lessons.

We are responsible for any darkness in our internal homes or dilapidated shacks. Every home will have dark spots, but if we are willing to see them, shine the light on them, and clean up that area where the darkness touched—WE HEAL!  We learn the lesson the teacher brought us. We get better! We strengthen the light within us.

Part of the process to being a better me is being able to see our own darkness with clarity. Our darkness has a beautiful purpose. It can serve us if we are willing to look at it instead of letting it grow, fester, and spread. When we attract someone to our lives that shows us our internal chaos, we have the opportunity to clean up our own darkness. We can’t assign this cleanup, remodel, and/or gut job to anybody else. If we want to change, we have to take the responsibility to look at ourselves when presented by the darkness in our physical world. If we are attaching to it, we bring it inside of us and we’ve invited it in.

6 Steps to Transforming the Darkness within Our Internal Homes

  1. Recognize the dark energy festering inside of you that was triggered by an outside source (person, animal, event, object, etc.). How are you responsible for inviting this energy in? What about this outside source created your own darkness to stir up inside of you? What about this source are you attaching to?
  2. See thought options that can shine light on your darkness. Don’t focus on changing your thoughts here, just look at your options of thoughts. What thoughts could bring peace, calm, joy, compassion, empathy, trust, faith, hope, freedom, positivity, purpose, etc. to the dark room in your home? These are your cleanup products and tools to help you fix-up any space the darkness affected. Once you know your options…
  3. Choose an action to help you turn your light on. The light switch can be prayer, dance, meditation, yoga, conscious breathing, mindfulness practices, walking, consciously exploring nature, and the list goes on and on. Many of these tools have been mentioned throughout the series.
  4. Spot the toxic waste left behind from past darkness. Be careful because toxic waste can be tricky to handle. It likes to spread poison within our homes making the structure weak. Like mold, it can hide inside our walls. The more open we are to let the darkness pass through us, the more we will be able to see any toxic spots that are trying to linger, fester, grow and spread. These are those deep belief systems (perspectives of truth) that are latching on to keep the dark thoughts that were triggered alive. The thoughts that were triggered are exposing some of the toxins left behind from long ago they show themselves as entitlement, envy, greed, sloth, vengeance, cruelty, victimhood, and rage—Just to name a few. All of these are derivatives of FEAR.
  5. START CLEANING! You see it; now clean it up with the products and tools you’ve been given. The more you get these toxic energies cleaned out, the closer you get to living and leading a purpose-filled life with a deep connection to your Divine source. Your light gets brighter the more you clean out.
  6. Be grateful for what the dark energy within you exposed. Be grateful for the teacher and the lesson. Now, the old you might have sunk into the depths of shame and guilt when you invited dark energy into your home. You might have contributed to making rooms darker and turning off more lights to the point where things around you began to fall apart and crumble. The better you has the opportunity to grow and expand from the exposed darkness. You have learned how to shine your light effectively into your home and find the secrets hidden in the walls. This is something to be EXTREMELY grateful for.

We now can create an even better space than we had before. We took responsibility for our mess and cleaned it up! So embrace the darkness and what it shows us. Fighting it and/or numbing it (addictions) will only make it stronger. We want to learn from what it has to show us. We want it to help us spot the areas we need to clean up and re-purpose. You have all the products and tools you need in this very moment. The more you use the tools you already have, the more that will become available to you in order to grow and expand from the place you are.

If you are reading this piece separately, I invite you to go back and see what you’ve missed in the series. The 90-Day A Better Me Series is like a puzzle. You want to have all the pieces to see the whole picture. Here’s a quick link to the category so that you can go back and explore what you’ve missed: https://fromalovingplace.com/category/90-day-a-better-me-series/

For best results: I suggest reading the series all the way through. You may find that by doing this you are led to people, places, and/or things that open up new doors and pathways to lead you to be living a purpose-filled life—Miracles abound! You just have to take the journey and trust that at this moment, you are exactly where you are meant to be.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 55 – How I Honor the Person I Am

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 55: How I Honor the Person I Am

Dear Self,

With every step of the self-discovery process, I gain clarity. I’m bringing attention to how I honor the person I am. I’m choosing to be accountable for the choices I’m making. This list is to help keep my energy on the level that feels good on the inside, so that I’m conscious of what I’m sending out into the world.

  • I’m aware of what happens to my energy when I project out fear, shame, blame, judgment, self-abuse, and living in the past and the future do to my lack of self-worth. I know that when I’m in a healthy place, I don’t take my fears out on others. I treat others with the same love and respect that I treat myself. I know my value and worth so I treat myself with the love and respect I deserve. I show myself love and respect by treating my body right, treating my thoughts compassionately, and giving myself the time I deserve to nurture any feelings that come up that I need time to work through. I also won’t expect anybody to give me more quality time than I give myself.
  • I’m accountable for my feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, and reactions. I am going to have feelings that feel good and ones that don’t. I’m responsible for the choices I make no matter what I’m feeling. My joy comes from within and so does my sadness. I will accept all my feelings because I know they are there to teach me something about the choices I’m making. I know I’m responsible for my thoughts, because there is always a different way I can choose to look at things. I am accountable for my perspectives of truth because they are the doorways to any path I choose. Finally, my actions and reactions are influenced by the way I’m perceiving reality. I am responsible for all the choices I make. Other people are responsible for their choices. If someone chooses to be unkind to me, that’s their business. My business is the energy I choose to put out towards them.
  • I’m very clear on the differences between love and fear. My definition of love leaves no room for cruelty under any circumstances. When I’m operating from a place of fear, I’m not capable of acting/reacting from a loving place. I will react from a place of fear, which leads to confusion and chaos within my mind, body, and soul. Feelings that come from fear, shame, blame, judgment, guilt, rage, hate, vengeance, insecurities, and/or lack of worth are not representing the love within me. It is important for me to watch these feelings as they come up so that I find a way to let love transcend them. My definition of love is:

“Love is patient; Love is kind; Love is NOT envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; It is not irritable or resentful; It does not rejoice in Wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” -Corinthians 13.4-13.7

  • I’m in complete acceptance that my past is over. The best thing I can do is learn from my experiences and let anything that keeps me stuck in my own darkness go. I want to be conscious to see warning signs and spot kindheartedness without confusing the two. I’m focused on healing any energy I have tied to unhealthy pieces of my past in regards to people, places, and things. I’m responsible for the negative energy I’m holding inside me and I don’t want to take old feelings out on unsuspecting people. I’m also letting go of my attachments to the unknown future. I can have goals, but it is my job to take the actions I need to take today to be the best version of me in this moment. I will leave my future open for the twists and turns so that I can enjoy the journey on this beautiful scenic route.  I’m going to be with people when I’m with them so that I can know with clarity that they are treating me the way I treat myself. I won’t put my head in the future ignoring the signs of the care for myself and others in the moment.
  • I want to be hold perspectives of truth led by love. I want to live my life from a loving place. It is my responsibility to look at my feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, and reactions to make sure they are aligned with how I want to be living.
  • I have chosen perspectives of truth that support me becoming the best version of me. My perspectives reflect living life with an abundance of love for myself and others. I choose to follow the Divine Creator’s path of love to salvation. I choose to see individuals and find connections through our capacity to love. I choose to trust that everything happens for a reason, and that every lesson comes with its blessings. I choose to share my life openly without fear, so that I give myself the opportunity connect with other loving souls. I choose to believe that whatever I feel about myself reflects out to create my reality. I choose to believe we are all students and teachers and each life has value whether life ends in the womb or at an old age. People are here as long as they are meant to be to fulfill their Divine Contract to serve humanity. Some will serve through their darkness and others through their light. I choose to believe anything that has the ability to bring out our compassion, love, empathy, humanity, and connection has authentic value.
  • I’m choosing to live in gratitude and abundance. The more I choose gratitude, the more abundant I feel. I know that I’m reflecting what I feel inside, so gratitude helps me manifest more of what I’m appreciating in my life.
  • How I’m treating myself is reflecting the way I want to be treated by others. I know that I can’t expect people to treat me better than I’m treating myself, so I’m making sure I put the time and energy to me that I deserve. I know I’m responsible for the energy that is coming back to me. If I don’t like what I’m getting, I need to check in with me to see what dark areas of myself I’m still feeding. I need to make sure that I’m showing myself that I’m deserving of time, energy, nurturing, and love.
  • My intention is to live life from a loving place and appreciate each day for the blessings that it gives me.
  • My intention in giving is to assist people uncover the best versions of themselves. I want to help others find the perspectives of truths that will bring the most love and peace into their lives. I want to serve humanity from a loving place. My intention is to increase the light shining in the world.
  • I love myself more than I ever have before. I truly believe that the more I love myself the more I’m able to connect with God’s love for me. When I see me through the eyes of love, I’m connecting deeper with the Divine, because I’m connecting through the light I was created with. The more solid I am in my own self-love, the more love I have to give and connect to others with.
  • I’m right here and right now. I want to enjoy the journey of life. I want to see each step and each miracle as it unfolds before me. When I’m not where my feet are I try to get a touch stone in nature to look at to bring me back to the moment I’m in, because when I’m not in the present, I get stressed. That is not where I want to be.
  • I’m open to try new things as they are presented to me on my path. I trust the Universe when I get signs to talk to people, read things, watch things, or do things. I want to live this life knowing I made the most out of every moment, so I’m open to learn, try, and explore life beyond my comfort zone.

Knowing these things about myself helps me enjoy my journey and be more conscious of what I’m learning.

Today I’m grateful

  1. I’m grateful for the breeze that reminded me to return to the present moment
  2. I’m grateful for the loving energy I feel from the people who I love
  3. I’m grateful for the silence on my first walk with my dog in the morning
  4. I’m grateful for today for giving me a chance to see more love in the world
  5. I’m grateful for my life’s journey

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

 

The list from this letter comes from today’s exercise in the 90-Day A Better Me Series. You can check it out below:

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 55 – Clarity in Self Discovery

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 45 – Releasing Perspectives that Don’t Serve Us

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 45: Releasing Perspectives that Don’t Serve Us

“Same thoughts always lead to the same choices.”

-Joe Dispenza

When we start seeing ourselves (Day 43) and individuals in the world (Day 44) through perspectives of truth—We open our minds to change our patterns that create the chaos of our lives. We can see how expecting different results while continuing the same thought and behavior patterns is the definition of insanity. If we want to live differently, we have to choose to do things differently. That’s why the 90-Day A Better Me Series  takes the journey to see where our blocks are in Part I of the series. If we want to be better, we have to look at what we are doing that keeps us from creating an inner world abundant with light. Remember the Law of Attraction? If we are abundant inside— We manifest abundance around us. Do you want to be creating an abundance of darkness (fear)? I know I don’t! I want to be creating an abundance of love, adventures, passion, prosperity, and connections (light).

If a person has the perspective of truth that tells them self-care is selfish that person’s belief systems are sending energy messages to the Universe that say things like:

  • I can’t take care of myself, so it is someone else’s job to take care of me.
  • I need people to give me value.
  • I’m not worthy of my own time.
  • I will give myself away for whoever gives me attention.
  • I’m a doormat, come walk on me. I like the attention.
  • I’m unlovable if I’m not giving myself away.
  • I’m selfish if I love myself, so you have to fill that hole.

That is just a short list, but it can vary depending on the person. Some people will give themselves away in their romantic relationships, familial relationships, and/or friendships. Others will give themselves away in their jobs and/or places they serve. The self-care is selfish perspective of truth is not putting the oxygen on ourselves first. It is letting ourselves die and sacrificing the care we can give to others. I don’t know anyone who lives a healthy lifestyle who gives themselves away. Self-care represents self-love. We have to have love for ourselves before we can authentically understand it in others.

When we choose perspectives of truth created by fear, it affects how we treat the world and how we interpret the world treating us. We become victims of the world. We become victims of  life. We see the world through the eyes of the victim role. Our perspective of truth tells us we are victims. So if we want to unravel the perspectives of truth that got us here, we have to go back and try to figure out where these belief systems came from and uncover if they are worth holding onto. When we hold perspectives of truth led by fear. Our perspectives will affect feelings, thoughts, actions, and reactions.  It injects fear into every situation. We will treat our reality through the eyes of the perspectives of truth we choose to live by.

IMG_2197-004

As individuals we have to dig deep. If you’ve been with me since the beginning and been doing the “Just for Today” sections look at the fears (Days 3-6), shame (Days 7-12), blame (Days 13-17), judgment (Days 18-21), hate (Days 22-25), and the mirror (Days 27-30).  If you haven’t been with me and you truly want to stop repeating patterns that don’t work for you, go back and look at these sections. Investigate the belief systems that created these patterns of feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. Do you need them anymore? Which ones are you ready to give up? We no longer can blame the people who raised us or the circumstances in our lives—This transformation is in our hands. We have the power to make today a different day. It all starts with the steps we choose to take. First, we have to release what no longer is working for us. We have to look at what our perspectives of truth have created our realities to look like.

“If you strike without compassion against the darkness, you yourself enter the darkness.”

-Gary Zukav

This process is not a one-day step. This is a process that will take years of weeding through our unstable foundations created layers of old beliefs like I’ve talked about before. Be patient with yourself. With each step we take we become lighter. Show YOURSELF compassion during this process! Otherwise you are going to keep yourself in the dark energy you are trying to shine light on. Just simply choose to do the best you can and if you feel like you were challenged and you failed, learn from what you saw yourself do. Learn from how you felt, thought, and acted in the situation. This is the work. That’s how we get better and live better.

Self-abuse (Day 29) keeps us in the dark. By working on releasing perspectives of truth that no longer serve us is a VERY good place to start. Just imagine the beautiful gardens we can create once we get rid of the old belief systems that are like smothering vines and weeds taking over our beautiful gardens (inner world). We have to weed out what keeps dulling and killing our gardens. We have to give space to the flowers, trees, and plants so they can each see the light that nourishes their growth. We have to take the time to care, love, and nurture our gardens so that the shadows and the darkness don’t overrun them.

“The smallest change in perspective can transform a life. What tiny attitude adjustment might turn your world around?”

-Oprah Winfrey

Since this installment’s post date lands on Valentine’s Day, I know many people struggle with perspectives of truth. Those perspectives can cause unrealistic expectations on partners. People can manifest horrible days by cursing the day. Individuals can create a negative desperate energy around them so that they attract toxic people to their lives. There are other perspectives of truth we can choose on days like Valentine’s Day, whether we have partners or we don’t. Watch where your head goes—Are your perspectives of truth about Valentine’s Day serving you? Which ones are you ready to release?

Just for Today

It’s time to pull out the journals. At the top of each page write a perspective of truth you’ve been choosing to believe that you don’t feel serves the person you want to be. Don’t write anything else on the page. I listed the days you can find each section above to help you easily navigate the areas you might want to look at. Just scroll down on this page and you will see the “Categories” section where you can bring up the entire 90-Day A Better Me Series.

When you are ready to take this step, you will begin to see some beautiful shifts in your life. You might notice things in nature more. You might be touched by more stories of perseverance, strength, hope, love, compassion, and courage. You may meet new people who share your excitement (This is how I met one of my closest friends 11 years ago). Just be aware and pay attention—Miracles are abound!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Did you read today’s companion piece? 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 45 – Releasing Perspectives that Don’t Serve Me

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 15 – How Media Affects My Perspective

Letters From A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part I: A Journey of Awareness

What Holds Us Back: The Unstable Foundation

Day 15: How Media Affects My Perspective

Dear Self,

I’m actively watching how media affects my perspective. WOW!!!! I never realized how much of my perspective comes from what they are telling me. I not only see what it does to my thoughts, but I can actually feel my body reacting to what I’m seeing and reading. My energy shifts if I read a story where the media is asking me to blame. Sometimes I feel the anger well up inside of me to the point where I feel this inner rage bubbling up under the surface. I can get to the point where I hear a person’s name and instantly my thoughts go into blaming the person for so much of the hate that is going on. I didn’t even realize that I did that before. I was so unconscious of it. On days I am heavily affected, I walk around with a chip on my shoulder. I feel like I’m waiting for someone to rub me wrong.

I can’t even drive down the road without my inner rage boiling over. I hear myself saying, that person probably likes and supports this blaming society we’re in. Then, I realize I’m supporting this blaming cycle by consuming myself with this kind of thinking. What a vicious cycle!

I am also becoming more aware of how the media affects my perspective when I listen, see, and read stories about heroes and good Samaritans. I see how my energy feels lifted and I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and awe of how these people just jumped in to help in the best way they knew how. I feel my body’s energy feel a rush of inspiration. I walk out of the house wanting to smile at strangers, engage with people I can tell don’t feel valued, and just be and do better.

Today, I commit to being mindful of where my thoughts go. I will choose what I listen to, read, and see wisely. I will commit to putting my energy into the life I want to be living.

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 15 – Buying and Selling Blame in the Media

The Mama Bear: The Lessons in the Calm and the Claws

I will be the first to tell you, I’m not perfect. I make mistakes, but I do my best to do right by my kids. I have strengths, and I have weaknesses. My brain is not going to work in exactly the same way as ANY other mother’s and/or caretaker’s brain. Some people will agree with some of my parenting tactics, methods, decisions, and techniques—but no one will agree with them all. Sometimes MAMA BEAR comes out.

Parenting is not an easy task. It is not for the weak-hearted. It will test every thought, belief, and perspective that a person has. There are so many decisions to make from the second a baby is born…and EVERYONE has an opinion on the RIGHT way to do things. Mama Bear 101: There is no ONE RIGHT WAY! There are so many perspectives, but that is what they ALL are—perspectives of what is true for the person speaking. We don’t have to buy into ANYTHING that doesn’t feel right. Bring on Mama Bear!

I’m an understanding person. I get that people are going to parent different than I do. I have my own unique perspective and it is what works for MY family. When I want help, I’m not afraid to ask for it. I reach out to doctors, schools, therapists, healers, pastors, professionals, and people I trust. That being said, I trust other people are doing the same. They might not have the same support system I do. They might not have the same perspectives on what it means to be a good parent. I’m definitely not going to attack other parents who I know are trying their best to do the right thing even if it’s not how I would do it. My job is to protect and serve my kids the best I can. This is me in the MAMA BEAR calm.

#MamaBearCalm

So, when my parenting is attacked—I might have a reaction. If I’m centered and present (Mama Bear calm), I won’t take the event personally. I know it is just another person with another perspective different than mine. I might learn from their opinion, or I may just see it as a way that I don’t want to be. Either way, I won’t have an emotional reaction. Mama Bear is calm, strong, and can walk away tall knowing people can have different opinions.

Now, if I’m not centered or have been going back and forth about the right thing to do and finally made a choice that I felt was right and someone attacks—Well, the claws can get exposed and my defenses go up ready to fight back. In those moments, I act first and think later. Oh, and boy do I think later! I’m reacting to fear with fear. When Mama Bear emerges with her claws exposed: my stomach is tight, limbs tingling, and nerves standing on edge. This doesn’t feel good. It doesn’t feel safe, and I don’t trust the situation at all.

#MamaBearClaws

Has any other mom felt this way?

As centered and peaceful as I can be in the rest of my life, parenting is my greatest teacher in love and fear. Watching my reactions to other parents and opinions and judging myself and others based on parenting style and techniques shows me so much about who I am. My Mama Bear claws show me where I still have fear and distrust. My Mama Bear calm show me when I trust and respect my choices, my perspectives and myself as a parent.

#MamaBear

I’m grateful for the lessons I’ve learned and my growth as person by becoming an active parent in my kids lives. I’m grateful for people’s different perspectives because they show me where I am in mine. I’m grateful to have my eyes and heart open to look into areas I question and be open to change perspectives that no longer work for me. I’m so grateful to my inner MAMA BEAR, because I learn so much from her claws and her calm.

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2018

From A Loving Place