90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 83: Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

“I think we are all advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 A.M. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends.”

-Joan Didion

We are the only ones who can invite dark toxic energy into our internal homes. We are the only ones who can turn our homes into dilapidated shacks by not taking care of them. No one is to blame for how we feel inside of us, but we are responsible. The outside world may take away choices from specific situations and we may be led down some paths that our mere physical survival is a miracle—Inside we have choices. We can write whatever story we want about our internal lives. We can connect and/or disconnect to any perspective of truth, story, feeling, and/or thought. We just have to be open enough to see that inside us is where true freedom lies.

In Part II, I wrote about accepting our pasts and releasing the unknown future. The more we can get into the NOW, the less likely that those stories from the past and the attachments to some unknown future will be used to tear apart our internal homes. Trauma therapy uses techniques to help detach a person from the story of their trauma. This doesn’t mean the trauma didn’t happen, but the story of it is what keeps it hurting us now even if the actual trauma happened decades ago.

When we let these stories live inside of us, we are living within a dilapidated shack that needs a re-model to make it the internal home of our dreams. The problem is when our internal world has a dilapidated shack at the center of it; we invite dark and toxic energy into our internal world on a regular basis. We actually are comfortable in that energy because that is where we internally live. We attract people in the physical world who will bring us the energy we feed on to comfortably live within our internal worlds. If we are attached to an internal world filled with chaos, we attract chaos. If we are attached to an internal world filled with fear, shame, blame, guilt, shame, judgment, hate, and vengeance—YOU GOT IT! The Universe will give you what you are asking by what you are projecting out. If your words to the Universe don’t match what is going on inside of you, what is going on inside of you will trump any words you speak. The darkness we invite in is our teacher for some VERY important lessons.

We are responsible for any darkness in our internal homes or dilapidated shacks. Every home will have dark spots, but if we are willing to see them, shine the light on them, and clean up that area where the darkness touched—WE HEAL!  We learn the lesson the teacher brought us. We get better! We strengthen the light within us.

Part of the process to being a better me is being able to see our own darkness with clarity. Our darkness has a beautiful purpose. It can serve us if we are willing to look at it instead of letting it grow, fester, and spread. When we attract someone to our lives that shows us our internal chaos, we have the opportunity to clean up our own darkness. We can’t assign this cleanup, remodel, and/or gut job to anybody else. If we want to change, we have to take the responsibility to look at ourselves when presented by the darkness in our physical world. If we are attaching to it, we bring it inside of us and we’ve invited it in.

6 Steps to Transforming the Darkness within Our Internal Homes

  1. Recognize the dark energy festering inside of you that was triggered by an outside source (person, animal, event, object, etc.). How are you responsible for inviting this energy in? What about this outside source created your own darkness to stir up inside of you? What about this source are you attaching to?
  2. See thought options that can shine light on your darkness. Don’t focus on changing your thoughts here, just look at your options of thoughts. What thoughts could bring peace, calm, joy, compassion, empathy, trust, faith, hope, freedom, positivity, purpose, etc. to the dark room in your home? These are your cleanup products and tools to help you fix-up any space the darkness affected. Once you know your options…
  3. Choose an action to help you turn your light on. The light switch can be prayer, dance, meditation, yoga, conscious breathing, mindfulness practices, walking, consciously exploring nature, and the list goes on and on. Many of these tools have been mentioned throughout the series.
  4. Spot the toxic waste left behind from past darkness. Be careful because toxic waste can be tricky to handle. It likes to spread poison within our homes making the structure weak. Like mold, it can hide inside our walls. The more open we are to let the darkness pass through us, the more we will be able to see any toxic spots that are trying to linger, fester, grow and spread. These are those deep belief systems (perspectives of truth) that are latching on to keep the dark thoughts that were triggered alive. The thoughts that were triggered are exposing some of the toxins left behind from long ago they show themselves as entitlement, envy, greed, sloth, vengeance, cruelty, victimhood, and rage—Just to name a few. All of these are derivatives of FEAR.
  5. START CLEANING! You see it; now clean it up with the products and tools you’ve been given. The more you get these toxic energies cleaned out, the closer you get to living and leading a purpose-filled life with a deep connection to your Divine source. Your light gets brighter the more you clean out.
  6. Be grateful for what the dark energy within you exposed. Be grateful for the teacher and the lesson. Now, the old you might have sunk into the depths of shame and guilt when you invited dark energy into your home. You might have contributed to making rooms darker and turning off more lights to the point where things around you began to fall apart and crumble. The better you has the opportunity to grow and expand from the exposed darkness. You have learned how to shine your light effectively into your home and find the secrets hidden in the walls. This is something to be EXTREMELY grateful for.

We now can create an even better space than we had before. We took responsibility for our mess and cleaned it up! So embrace the darkness and what it shows us. Fighting it and/or numbing it (addictions) will only make it stronger. We want to learn from what it has to show us. We want it to help us spot the areas we need to clean up and re-purpose. You have all the products and tools you need in this very moment. The more you use the tools you already have, the more that will become available to you in order to grow and expand from the place you are.

If you are reading this piece separately, I invite you to go back and see what you’ve missed in the series. The 90-Day A Better Me Series is like a puzzle. You want to have all the pieces to see the whole picture. Here’s a quick link to the category so that you can go back and explore what you’ve missed: https://fromalovingplace.com/category/90-day-a-better-me-series/

For best results: I suggest reading the series all the way through. You may find that by doing this you are led to people, places, and/or things that open up new doors and pathways to lead you to be living a purpose-filled life—Miracles abound! You just have to take the journey and trust that at this moment, you are exactly where you are meant to be.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 82 – Implementing My Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 82: Implementing My Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

Dear Self,

I’ve learned so much on this journey of implementing my boundaries. What I’ve realized in my practice of using my healthy tools is that I no longer take on other people’s darkness. I used to feel like I had to engage in the darkness (i.e. fear) to get my point across or not be walked on by someone in their darkness, but what I realized is that by engaging in their darkness only makes me feed and spread mine. I definitely DON’T want to be doing that. I’ve learned how to listen while being lovingly unattached to their energy. I can’t say I do this perfect every time, but the more I do it, the better I get.

One of my biggest challenges in implementing my healthy boundaries is to STAY PRESENT!!! It can be very easy to be caught up in the story whether it is mine or someone else’s. When I realize I’m feeding the darkness of a story, I need to pull back and re-group because it means I got out of the present moment. People who are REALLY stuck in their darkness will have story after story filled with blame, shame, guilt, judgment, victimhood, and hate it may be aimed at me or someone else, but if a person isn’t taking any personal responsibility for where they are, they are lost in darkness. I don’t help them by feeding into it. If and when I stay present, my other natural healthy boundaries fall into line. If I’m challenged to stay present, it just means I have to work a little harder to stay in my light.

It is such a blessing not to feel obligated to take on someone else’s darkness. When I remind myself of that, I don’t feel the weight of someone else’s energy. I don’t try to control their journey or get tied to their story. I can step back and remind myself that the only person I am responsible for is me. What they choose to do with their energy is their business. If I shine my light and they see it, it means they have a want to get out of their own darkness. If they don’t see it, they are comfortable where they are and they will be until the darkness gets too much for them to handle.

My calmness can help to ease and lift some of the dark energy in the room. If my darkness isn’t triggered by their darkness it brings light into the situation whether they want to be apart of it or not. I’m protected in the calm. I can think clearly when I’m calm, present, and not attaching to any of their story.

When I struggle with implementing my tools, I pray! PRAY! And PRAY SOME MORE! There are times where I feel the fear creeping up in me so I know that I’m not fueling the energy of what I stand for and those are the times I need to pray the most. I pray for guidance and that the words coming out of my mouth are will come from a loving place. I pray that I’m guided to take action in a way that serves the best possible outcome in the situation. I pray for the courage and strength to stay in my light. I know when I pray; I’m focused on being the best I can be in the moment.

People who are trapped in their darkness aren’t seeking to hurt me personally. They may be trying to hurt what I represent in their heads, but what I represent in their heads has nothing to do with who I really am. It is a distorted image created by their own darkness. This is not personal. They are looking at me through a story based on perspectives of truth led by fear. I may be the villain or the vandal in their story because I’m not engaging in their darkness with them and that’s ok. They are where they are. If I keep feeling, thinking, believing, and acting from a loving place, I’m being true to me. I won’t leave the situation with any regrets because I will trust exactly how the exchange went. I will take the lessons I need to make me better, and then I get to move on. I’m free!

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m so incredibly grateful that I have the tools to keep me out of someone else’s darkness.
  2. I’m grateful I have healthy boundaries because it means I’m taking care of me.
  3. I’m grateful that I know that I’m always exactly where I’m supposed to be in this moment.
  4. I’m grateful for the power of long deep breaths.
  5. I’m grateful that EVERYDAY I do the work, I get better.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff © 2019

Read Today’s Installment to get 10 Essentials to Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations: 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 82 – Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 70 – Doing What I Love

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 70: Doing What I Love

Dear Self,

You are just as important as all of the people I serve, so I’m honoring our journey by committing to do things I love daily. I want move through life with the energy of doing what I love to do. I know that by doing this, I will manifest more of what I love and will attract others around me who share my passions. There is no good reason not to spend time doing what I love to do daily. I know I might not be able to everything I love in one day, but I will commit to doing something I love EVERYDAY!

Here is a list of things I love doing:

  • Dancing to music with positive messages
  • Writing
  • Walking around the lake to look at the birds gathering at the island at the center of the lake
  • Nature walks and hiking off-trail
  • Going to the dog beach with my dog
  • Laughing
  • Yoga
  • Quality time with my family
  • Quality time with my friends
  • Quiet time to meditate and quiet my brain
  • Helping others discover their best selves
  • Eating flavorful foods
  • Spending Time Communicating with the Divine

With this list there is no excuses!  I can even add more things I love, because as I engage in this energy, more space will open up. I know if I don’t make time for doing the things I love, it’s because I’m not on my priority list and when I’m not on my priority list, things fall through the cracks. So, why not? I deserve my own time! The people I love deserve me to be operating as the best version of myself too.

Today I’m Grateful

  1. I’m grateful that I can MAKE time to do the things I love.
  2. I’m grateful for the energy I feel when I’m doing the things I love.
  3. I’m grateful for the joy that I feel when get to share my love with others.
  4. I’m grateful for today as an opportunity to do what I love to do.
  5. I’m grateful when I notice when it’s a good time to do what I love.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Are you doing what you love? 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 70 – Doing What We Love

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 52 – I See My Value

Letters from A Better Me

90-Day A Better Me Letters Series

Part II: A Journey of Perspective

What Launches Us Forward: The Stable Foundation

Day 52: I See My Value

Dear Universe,

I AM! Yes, I AM and that is enough to make me valuable. I AM complete in this very moment. I can finally see my value in being exactly where I am and how I am right now. I don’t have to be any more or any less than what I am right now to give my life value. When I do my best, learn from life’s lessons and share who I am with others, I am walking a path to shine my light brighter. That is what I’m choosing to do with my life, but that doesn’t determine my value.

The color of my skin, gender I am, way I look, things I have, money I make, relationships that succeed/fail, skills I acquire, and career path don’t define my value! With or without any of these details about my journey, I AM VALUABLE to this life.

I get to choose if my value comes from my light or my dark. Am I going to use love or fear to teach and be taught? Am I going to contribute to lessons that light (love) has to offer the world or the lessons that darkness (fear) has to offer the world? Which path I choose is up to me.

I’m choosing to spread as much love that I can. I’m choosing to give from a loving place. I want to learn from the dark parts of me how to create more love from the lessons I’ve learned from fear. I want to turn up my dimmer switch to shine brighter.

I see my value and I’m choosing to make the most of it by investing time in making me the best version of myself that I can be. I want to give to the world from that place. I want to give to the world from my sense of value and worth. I want to shine the light within me as bright as I can, so that I can help others see their own light.

I see the value in my darkness too. It is apart of me. It is a part of how I learn to be and do better. It is apart of my journey. At my times of darkness, my value is still there. My value can be in what my darkness is teaching others and what it’s teaching me. My value doesn’t fluctuate based on whether I’m feeling good our bad about myself. The only thing that changes is my ability to see it because of how much light or darkness I’m covering it with. I have the choice to be in the dark or in the light at any time. Whichever one I choose has valuable lessons on this journey of life.

My prayer

Please help me to see my value even in my darkness. Please help me to see the lessons and the ways to add light when I’m stuck. I know I’m connected to you when I choose to live in my light. The brighter I shine my light, the more I feel connected. Please help me honor that connection by accepting and loving myself exactly how I am. I know you made me with your love, please help me find ways to live in the light that created me in.

Today I’m Grateful 

  1. I’m so grateful for the gift of life
  2.  I’m so grateful for my ability to shine as bright as I choose to
  3. I’m grateful for all the chances I get to bring more love into the world
  4. I’m so incredibly grateful for the lessons that teach me the value of my life
  5. I’m grateful I AM!

With Love and Gratitude,

A Better Me

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Did you read today’s companion piece? 90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 52 – Seeing Our Own Value

Thank you to those following this journey with me. If you haven’t joined the 90-Day A Better Me Seriesand 90-Day A Better Me Letters Seriesjourneys, let’s turn our dimmer switches up together. I hope you will come on this transformative journey with us. No cost and no sign-up. All you need is an open mind and commitment of time to invest in becoming the best version of yourself. Just go to the Home page and explore.

 

Lessons from Nature: Beauty from Within

When we look at the world, we can know where we are in our heads by what we focus on in our external world. Are we looking at others judging them for not being good enough? Are we seeing  and/or engaging in gossip about other people whether they are in our personal lives or in some form of media? Are we attacking people for having a different views than our own? If we are doing these things we are feeding the dis-ease within ourselves. Our radar looks for the negativity around us when we are feeling negative inside our own minds. We are not nourishes ourselves. Think of a flower that is properly nourished. The colors are more vibrant, the leaves are healthy, and the roots are strong. We are just like that flower our roots can pull from the energy of love, which properly nourishes us, and creates us to show the world our vibrant colors. We can pull from the energy of fear, which steals our nutrients, and shows the world our rotting leaves and our muted colors. Becoming aware we are not nourishing ourselves with the energy that will create health, beauty, and color, is the first step. The healthier we get inside–stopping the self-abuse, we start aiming our energy towards love. We start feeding our roots the good stuff. Our colors start to brighten and we look at the world through a different lens. We start paying attention to the heroes who show others compassion, the faces whose beauty shine through their kindness, and we pray for people struggling to find their way to love. Just like that, the ground becomes fertile for more flowers to bloom and show us their colors, which may be different, but that doesn’t make them any less beautiful when they are shining from their light within.

#LessonsfromNature

With Love and Gratitude,

Rachael Wolff ©2018