90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 83: Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into Our Internal Homes

“I think we are all advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not. Otherwise they turn up unannounced and surprise us, come hammering on the mind’s door at 4 A.M. of a bad night and demand to know who deserted them, who betrayed them, who is going to make amends.”

-Joan Didion

We are the only ones who can invite dark toxic energy into our internal homes. We are the only ones who can turn our homes into dilapidated shacks by not taking care of them. No one is to blame for how we feel inside of us, but we are responsible. The outside world may take away choices from specific situations and we may be led down some paths that our mere physical survival is a miracle—Inside we have choices. We can write whatever story we want about our internal lives. We can connect and/or disconnect to any perspective of truth, story, feeling, and/or thought. We just have to be open enough to see that inside us is where true freedom lies.

In Part II, I wrote about accepting our pasts and releasing the unknown future. The more we can get into the NOW, the less likely that those stories from the past and the attachments to some unknown future will be used to tear apart our internal homes. Trauma therapy uses techniques to help detach a person from the story of their trauma. This doesn’t mean the trauma didn’t happen, but the story of it is what keeps it hurting us now even if the actual trauma happened decades ago.

When we let these stories live inside of us, we are living within a dilapidated shack that needs a re-model to make it the internal home of our dreams. The problem is when our internal world has a dilapidated shack at the center of it; we invite dark and toxic energy into our internal world on a regular basis. We actually are comfortable in that energy because that is where we internally live. We attract people in the physical world who will bring us the energy we feed on to comfortably live within our internal worlds. If we are attached to an internal world filled with chaos, we attract chaos. If we are attached to an internal world filled with fear, shame, blame, guilt, shame, judgment, hate, and vengeance—YOU GOT IT! The Universe will give you what you are asking by what you are projecting out. If your words to the Universe don’t match what is going on inside of you, what is going on inside of you will trump any words you speak. The darkness we invite in is our teacher for some VERY important lessons.

We are responsible for any darkness in our internal homes or dilapidated shacks. Every home will have dark spots, but if we are willing to see them, shine the light on them, and clean up that area where the darkness touched—WE HEAL!  We learn the lesson the teacher brought us. We get better! We strengthen the light within us.

Part of the process to being a better me is being able to see our own darkness with clarity. Our darkness has a beautiful purpose. It can serve us if we are willing to look at it instead of letting it grow, fester, and spread. When we attract someone to our lives that shows us our internal chaos, we have the opportunity to clean up our own darkness. We can’t assign this cleanup, remodel, and/or gut job to anybody else. If we want to change, we have to take the responsibility to look at ourselves when presented by the darkness in our physical world. If we are attaching to it, we bring it inside of us and we’ve invited it in.

6 Steps to Transforming the Darkness within Our Internal Homes

  1. Recognize the dark energy festering inside of you that was triggered by an outside source (person, animal, event, object, etc.). How are you responsible for inviting this energy in? What about this outside source created your own darkness to stir up inside of you? What about this source are you attaching to?
  2. See thought options that can shine light on your darkness. Don’t focus on changing your thoughts here, just look at your options of thoughts. What thoughts could bring peace, calm, joy, compassion, empathy, trust, faith, hope, freedom, positivity, purpose, etc. to the dark room in your home? These are your cleanup products and tools to help you fix-up any space the darkness affected. Once you know your options…
  3. Choose an action to help you turn your light on. The light switch can be prayer, dance, meditation, yoga, conscious breathing, mindfulness practices, walking, consciously exploring nature, and the list goes on and on. Many of these tools have been mentioned throughout the series.
  4. Spot the toxic waste left behind from past darkness. Be careful because toxic waste can be tricky to handle. It likes to spread poison within our homes making the structure weak. Like mold, it can hide inside our walls. The more open we are to let the darkness pass through us, the more we will be able to see any toxic spots that are trying to linger, fester, grow and spread. These are those deep belief systems (perspectives of truth) that are latching on to keep the dark thoughts that were triggered alive. The thoughts that were triggered are exposing some of the toxins left behind from long ago they show themselves as entitlement, envy, greed, sloth, vengeance, cruelty, victimhood, and rage—Just to name a few. All of these are derivatives of FEAR.
  5. START CLEANING! You see it; now clean it up with the products and tools you’ve been given. The more you get these toxic energies cleaned out, the closer you get to living and leading a purpose-filled life with a deep connection to your Divine source. Your light gets brighter the more you clean out.
  6. Be grateful for what the dark energy within you exposed. Be grateful for the teacher and the lesson. Now, the old you might have sunk into the depths of shame and guilt when you invited dark energy into your home. You might have contributed to making rooms darker and turning off more lights to the point where things around you began to fall apart and crumble. The better you has the opportunity to grow and expand from the exposed darkness. You have learned how to shine your light effectively into your home and find the secrets hidden in the walls. This is something to be EXTREMELY grateful for.

We now can create an even better space than we had before. We took responsibility for our mess and cleaned it up! So embrace the darkness and what it shows us. Fighting it and/or numbing it (addictions) will only make it stronger. We want to learn from what it has to show us. We want it to help us spot the areas we need to clean up and re-purpose. You have all the products and tools you need in this very moment. The more you use the tools you already have, the more that will become available to you in order to grow and expand from the place you are.

If you are reading this piece separately, I invite you to go back and see what you’ve missed in the series. The 90-Day A Better Me Series is like a puzzle. You want to have all the pieces to see the whole picture. Here’s a quick link to the category so that you can go back and explore what you’ve missed: https://fromalovingplace.com/category/90-day-a-better-me-series/

For best results: I suggest reading the series all the way through. You may find that by doing this you are led to people, places, and/or things that open up new doors and pathways to lead you to be living a purpose-filled life—Miracles abound! You just have to take the journey and trust that at this moment, you are exactly where you are meant to be.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 83 – Taking Responsibility for Inviting the Dark Energy into My Internal Home

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 82 – Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 82: Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

“Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership. Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom.”

-Henry Cloud

In Part II, I introduced the topic of “Healthy Boundaries” on Day 53. If you have gone through all 81 days of this series, and done the work, implementing healthy boundaries will feel natural. If you think that there won’t be lessons that come from skipping steps—You’re wrong. We have to start with establishing healthy boundaries in our loving relationships to build our muscle to be able to handle implementing healthy boundaries with people who are stuck in their darkness. We will get lessons in seeing how far we have come with our boundaries. With time, healthy boundaries stick no matter who we are dealing with. I’ve watched time and time again people trying to skip steps and expect the results from someone who did the daily work it takes to emanate self-love into healthy boundaries—I’ve been there and done that. It’s the long road. It doesn’t work, because no matter how healthy the source you are following (psychologist, author, church, guru, life coach, school, etc.) or be mentored by, YOU CAN’T SKIP THE WORK! The work is what makes healthy boundaries possible. Otherwise we come off angry and defensive in our boundaries because they are coming from a place of fear. Healthy boundaries come from love.

Healthy boundaries only can be implemented when we are healthy. We have to be maintaining healthy internal homes. That begins with a healthy relationship with ourselves. Once we have healthy relationships with ourselves, our relationships with our spirituality flourish. Once that happens we begin projecting our purest and strongest light out into the world. Once we do that, we begin learning, growing, and expanding with the people we invite into our lives. Our inner light is what creates our natural healthy boundaries.

Our boundaries are healthy and solid if we are doing the work to maintain our homes. If we don’t keep up with the work, our homes will turn into dilapidated shacks. If we don’t feed and nourish our gardens while pulling out the weeds that threaten our plants, flowers, and trees we won’t have healthy gardens. It’s that simple but as humans we have ways of making it very complicated.

Anytime we try to find the answer in someone else having to change his or her behavior, we are literally watching a weed take over our garden. We can’t MAKE anyone feel or do anything. Each of us has the free will to do what we choose. The power is not in someone else’s hands to make us happy or bring us peace. We have to make that choice for ourselves by maintaining our internal homes and keeping our lights on.

If you are looking for a narcissist, alcoholic, drug addict, sex addict, abuser, sociopath, schizophrenic, etc. to change, STOP HOLDING YOUR BREATH! People will only change if they want to change more than they want to be in their darkness. The same goes for us. The only person you can change and are responsible to change is you. Here’s the blessing of doing this work, you stop handing your mental well-being over to unhealthy people. If a person who is trapped in their own darkness has shown up in your life, they are there for a reason.

The healthier we are the faster we will learn the lesson. One of mine took ten years for me to become aware of, accept, change my perspectives of truth, and then take action. That was my journey. It was in the learning of this lesson that my healthy boundaries started to take hold, but it was still a couple of years before I learned to stop inviting this person into my internal home. He was gone from my life, but I still let him wreak havoc in my internal home every once and while. The time periods would just become shorter and shorter until the point where I can now look back and talk about the whole decade as an AMAZING learning experience that I’m completely grateful for. For me it had to get extremely bad for me to finally see my part in the toxic relationship. Once I saw that, I began to heal. It stop mattering what he did to me, my focus turned to what I did and could do for me in order not to repeat unhealthy patterns of my past or create new ones.

You are building your healthy boundary muscles. You need to trust that if you let a person who is trapped in their darkness into your internal world, you have the opportunity to learn. Don’t beat yourself up if you slip, give in, and let your thoughts about them stir and wreak havoc in your inner world. Trust the process. What can you learn about the obsessive thoughts that are going through your mind? They are your thoughts, so you can change them, but only if you want to. Remember, it’s not about what someone did to you; it’s about what you can do for yourself to make your life better for having learned something from the darkness. The following steps are in no particular order. The more we practice using these tools, the stronger our healthy boundaries become.

10 Essentials to Implementing Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

  1. STAY PRESENT! Someone who is caught in their darkness will be focusing on the past and the future because that is where the stories are. Stay here and now. Only right now matters. You can only make healthy choices when you are in the healthiest of spaces and that is in the present moment. Once your head gets you lost in a story, bring yourself back to now. Take a second feel the life running through your hands. Feel your breath. Look at a focal point. Do whatever you need to do to get yourself back in the present. Otherwise slipping into the darkness becomes much easier.
  2. THEIR DARKNESS DOESN’T HAVE TO BE YOURS. You don’t have to take on anyone else’s darkness (fear, hate, rage, shame, guilt, vengefulness, etc.). Keep at the front of your mind their darkness is theirs.
  3. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOURSELF. Nobody can make you feel, think, say, or do anything. You make the choice whether to engage or not to engage, to invite them in or not invite them in, support and encourage their darkness or not encourage their darkness. You can show love and compassion or meet them in their fear—You are responsible for your choice.
  4. STAY IN YOUR LIGHT! If you support blaming, shaming, and judging you’ve chosen to be apart of their darkness and you don’t have access to healthy boundaries when you are in that space. If you stay in your light, you have a full set of healthy tools. Imagine a light-filled force field surrounding and protecting you. When dark thoughts move through you pray for more loving, compassionate, empathetic, solution-minded thoughts to come to you.
  5. STAY CALM! A person stuck in their darkness may tempt to engage you in a battle. Imagine them saying those words to themselves in the mirror. This can help calm you into not reacting to their darkness with darkness. Your rage feeds their darkness.
  6. THIS IS NOT PERSONAL. People acting from a healthy place don’t attack others. If we are being attacked it’s because someone is stuck in a story in his or her head. They may have made us the vandals and/or villains in their story, but whatever the case, if they aren’t communicating in a calm and collected way, they are stuck in a dark story that they have written. You don’t have to take it personally. People are never seeing you through your eyes. They can only look through their eyes. If they are looking through lens darkened by fear. They don’t have the ability to see your light at the moment and for some they may never see your light. You have to have light inside to see light. Like the saying goes—If you spot it, you got it.
  7. PRAY FOR HELP. If you are struggling to stay in your light when faced with someone else’s darkness—PRAY for the feelings, thoughts, words, and actions to help you stay in your light.
  8. KEEP FOCUSED ON WHAT YOU STAND FOR! Make sure your energy is focused what you stand for (light/love) not what you are against (darkness/fear). If you stand for love, compassion, joy, and peace then make sure your feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, words, and actions are aligned with what you stand for.
  9. BE TRUE TO YOU. If you need to remove yourself, DO IT! Go take some deep breaths, go pump yourself up with some positive self-talk, come back centered, and/or walk away if you are in your light, trust that you are making the best choices for you in the moment.
  10. TRUST WHERE YOU ARE IN THIS MOMENT. If you tell yourself you shouldn’t be here, you aren’t going to learn the lesson from the experience. It may be a absolutely brutal experience, but it is meant to be a part of your journey because you are in it here and now. Be open to learn from the moment you are having by facing someone else’s darkness. If you fight the reality of what is happening, you are succumbing to your own darkness. You are stuck in fear. If you enter into your darkness while someone is stuck in his or hers, you are feeding the darkness and giving it strength and power to spread. If you can trust the purpose of this moment, you are feeding your light. Your force field becomes stronger.

The side effect of using these tools is the miracles that come with them. The energy we project and attract makes space for AMAZING things when our energy stays focused on the light within us. Our connections and intuition strengthen and we see the world and the people in it through a completely different lens. If you are connecting to this material, you are on an light-filled path. Trust the journey.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 82 – Implementing My Healthy Boundaries in Dark Situations

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 81 – Protecting Our Internal Homes from Vandals

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 81: Protecting Our Internal Homes from Vandals

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”

-Lao Tzu

Protecting our internal homes from vandals is an essential piece to us becoming the best versions of ourselves. We can’t protect our inner homes without the awareness of why we invited individuals into our homes in the first place. A person can’t come into our internal homes unless he/she is invited. Our thoughts about people give them entry into our homes. How we choose to view them in our homes determines if they will be pleasant guests, teachers, students, entertainers, and/or vandals. We also determine what these individuals leave behind. Did they give us seeds for our garden? Did they give us art for our walls? Did they give us helpful tools to help maintain our homes and gardens? Did they rip of flowers? Did they give us seeds for strangling weeds? Did they mark our homes with graffiti? We become prisoners of the vandals by allowing fear-filled feelings, thoughts, and perspectives of truth of who we interpret them to be, how we perceive their actions, and/or what we perceive that they think into our internal worlds.

They become vandals when we make ourselves their victim in our internal home. We allow them to destroy our homes and turn them into dilapidated shacks by allowing them to have power over our internal space and peace. We give them power by choosing perspectives of fear. The more power we give them, the more destruction we allow them to do. Now, this is not the person in the physical world causing this damage, it’s how we interpret them in our internal world. We can create kind people to be vandals, just as easily as we can turn a sociopath into a vandal. It’s all in how we choose to interpret their words and behavior inside our own heads that creates our internal view of them.

Even I have been a vandal in others internal homes, but remember I have nothing to do with that. If someone doesn’t like my perspective, they can create me to be a vandal. If someone takes something I said as mean or cruel, which could have been me having healthy boundaries, it doesn’t matter, a person can still make me a vandal in his/her head. We see how people do this all the time on social media when they attack other people. In order to attack someone else, the attacker first made the other person a vandal in their own internal world. This other person may be helping millions of people in the world, but if they have a perspective that is different from an unconscious person’s (attacker) perspective and that person decides to ignore the good and embrace the fear of the differences, the image the attacker created in his/her dilapidated shack makes the other good natured person a vandal.

We need to know and understand that no other person can be a vandal in our internal homes without our permission. Narcissists can be very good at charming their way into people’s internal homes, but they still have to be invited in. Not every person who crosses paths with narcissists invites them in. How we protect ourselves from vandals works the same way if we are dealing with narcissists and/or good Samaritans that we choose to view through eyes of fear, because protecting ourselves has NOTHING to do with what these people do in the physical world or who they are in the physical world. Protecting our internal homes has EVERYTHING to do with us taking responsibility for our own perspectives of truth.

Here’s the best part about this process, when we protect our internal homes from narcissists, they have less chance of affecting our lives in the physical world. Narcissists need to be invited into our internal homes to have the power they desire over us in the physical world. Once we stop inviting them in, they lose interest, because if they can’t affect our nature in the physical world, they get bored and go on the hunt for another victim. It may be awhile before they stop attempting to get in. Eventually if we stay consistent, and we FULLY close and lock our door to them, they stop trying. They may even stay in our physical lives in some way (i.e. family members), but we don’t allow them space to vandalize our internal homes. We can choose to them even without inviting them in. To love someone means we are spreading our light to her/him. A person can stay in their darkness without affecting our light.

When we learn how to protect our internal home from vandals, we also will start to see AMAZING shifts and changes in who is attracted into and/or repelled from our physical worlds. I love watching how this process unfolds. I’ve found it fascinating that the healthier I get, the people who are stuck in their darkness have less and less interest in me or they will make me a vandal to their dilapidated shacks. If they choose to make me a vandal, they will attempt to have an altercation with me, and if I don’t allow them into my internal home to vandalize it, I will not respond like they want me too, so they will distance themselves from me. I take this as an ABSOLUTE BLESSING! I trust a person who is stuck in their darkness is on their own journey. If I’m meant to give them a seed from my garden, I do. It’s up to them what they choose to do with it. They may have so many weeds destroying their internal gardens that even if they try to plant my seed it won’t have space to grow. They first have to clean up the weeds before they can see the beauty that lies under them. If deep down a person wants a path out of their own darkness, I imagine them walking just outside of my internal property waiting to know when they are ready.

If we protect our internal homes, it doesn’t matter what others do in their own darkness, we won’t let them destroy our internal homes and the gardens we’ve created around them. Once we realize we can shut our doors to the uninvited and say goodbye to those visitors we invited in who turned into vandals, we are truly empowered to be the BEST versions of ourselves. Our awareness and dedication to do the work to keep us in our light opens us up to lives beyond what we could have ever imagined. When we protect our internal homes, we allow our beacon of light to shine brighter. Our homes stay filled with the love and light that spreads out into the world.

 

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Over the next few days you will get the tools to keep your internal homes protected. Just like everything else in this 90-Day A Better Me Series, these are seeds. You have to decide if you want to plant them. You have to make sure your land is ready. If you struggle with making these seeds grow into strong beautiful additions to your garden, go back to Part I of the series and work it from the beginning. Whatever you do, remember you have the power to change the trajectory of your life by how you choose take care of your internal world. We project out what we create inside. That manifests the reality we live in and attracts back to us what we’ve projected out. We have to make sure we are projecting out the best inner life we can to create an outer life we love and appreciate.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Check-out today’s Letter from A Better Me: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 81 – Protecting My Internal Home from Vandals

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 80 – Living Gratitude in Our Relationships

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 80: Living Gratitude in Our Relationships

“Service and gratitude will fuel your relationship; entitlement and expectation will poison it. “

-Steve Maraboli

Today we are expanding on what I covered in Part II on Day 49 “Gratitude in Our Relationships”. Living gratitude is the next step in the process. Our relationships are our biggest teachers for where we are in our darkness and our light. The longer we are in a relationship with someone, the more he/she gets to see us unmasked. That is why familial relationships and romantic relationships have the opportunity to see the most light (love/abundance) and dark (fear/lack) in us, just like we have a front row seat to see the most of their light and their darkness.

Any relationship we put our identity into the title of that relationship has a better chance of them and us lingering in darkness (Day 77). The best way to bring our relationships into the light is through gratitude. When we sit in gratitude, our focus is on love, abundance, and light. We are seeing the love within ourselves and within them. We are seeing the relationships right now in this moment instead of putting our focus on the past or some unknown future. If our focus is on gratitude, love, and abundance, we project gratitude, love and abundance onto the people we are with. When they feel that coming off of us, if they are healthy, loving individuals it will be reflected back to us.

Side Note: If the individuals are stuck in their darkness, I will be talking about that on Days 81-84, because we are going to have people in our lives who will try to dim our lights, so having tools is extremely important.

We have a choice in our relationships of where to put our focus. If we are constantly focused on everything these relationships don’t offer us, what the individuals aren’t doing, how they aren’t filling our expectations, how being her/himself isn’t enough and/or our own sense of entitlement—We are stuck in our own darkness and lack. We only see in lack if we are there ourselves. When our focus is on love, light, and abundance, we see from a loving place. We project our light. The blessing is when we start focusing on the light in others; their light has the opportunity to shine even brighter. Sometimes our darkness wasn’t dimming their light, it was just blinding us to it because we were stuck in our dark.

Living gratitude in our relationships is path to our authentic joy. Just think of the difference in how you feel when you are focused on the things you love as opposed to the things you hate. How do you feel in your body when you are celebrating the love within you? How do you feel in your body when your energy is in the darkness of hate? Each of those is projecting out of you like an invisible beacon and it is attracting back matching energy. Your light is attracting the light within the people around you. Your darkness is attracting the darkness within the people around you. This is not a judgment. In religious terms, we reap what we sow. We only receive what we already have inside and what we are spreading to others is what will we get back. In ancient religious terms it is the Law of karma, which is defined as a natural and universal law (karma is also used philosophically in many contexts outside of it’s religious roots). In energy terms, it’s the Law of Attraction. No matter what way we choose to look at it, we arrive at the same place. What we put out there is what we will get back.

If you are struggling with your perspectives on the people in your life, and you want to move your darkness out of the way to get a clear picture—Living gratitude in your relationships is the path you want! Living gratitude is the path to an abundant life filled with love and light. We get what we focus on. Our perspective is our super power. We get to choose how we want to use it. Do we want to fuel the light or the darkness? I have a feeling if you are reading this series, or even just this particular day, you were brought here because you are being led to fuel your light.

“Gratitude helps us love well by keeping us focused on the beauty in our relationship and the person we love.”

-M.J. Ryan

Here’s how to get started:

6 Simple Steps to Living Gratitude in Your Relationships

  1. Get out your gratitude journal. Each day, write three things you are grateful for about each individual you are closest to. If you have more in that day, write more. You don’t have to limit your gratitude. FEEL IT!
  2. Write a list of the personality traits you like/love about the people you’ve invited into your life and/or energy field. Be conscious on how focusing your energy here makes you feel.
  3. Write about what this person has taught you about yourself—No matter what you have learned, becoming more aware is a blessing and something to be EXTREMELY grateful for. Once we see ourselves, we have the ability to change, grow, and expand. We can’t do that if we don’t see what holds us back and what launches us forward. Our relationships show us what we need to know about ourselves, and it doesn’t matter if the lesson comes from darkness or light. We projected out the energy to attract the lesson to us. Every lesson we get gives us a chance to move into the light or darkness within ourselves. Being grateful moves us out of any darkness.
  4. Give hugs that last more than 20 seconds when you are sharing your gratitude with a loved one. This may feel odd at first, but it is EXTREMELY beneficial to both of your energy fields. There is this exhale that happens—Feels like a release. It can be very energizing and/or freeing. It’s a hard feeling to explain because it is different for everyone depending on where they are in their own energy.
  5. For every one thing that annoys you about a person, come up with three things that make you grateful about their behavior, choices, who they are, and/or how their actions or words to help you. You can make this fun too. If it makes you laugh, it’s cleansing that toxic energy out of you. Enjoy the process.
  6. Share your gratitude every chance you get! You are not entitled to anything. What a person gives to you is a gift to be grateful for. When you understand and appreciate that, you are living gratitude in your relationships. There is a saying that I love, Expectations are future resentments waiting to happen.

As I’ve said throughout this entire series, you are responsible for your feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, actions, reactions, and responses. You ARE NOT responsible for theirs. Your job is to keep your energy clean and full of light. If deep down inside they want to shine their light too—They will! If they want to be stuck in their own darkness—They will! You don’t need anybody to do anything in order for you to choose living in gratitude with him/her.

Living gratitude is a choice we make for ourselves to see clearly, like I said before if the person is stuck in their own darkness, I will give you tools to protect yourself while continuing to live in love, abundance, and light in the upcoming days.

We have to focus on cleaning up or own energy. Once we do that—MIRACLES HAPPEN! We only recognize them when our energy is in the right place to see them unfold in front of our eyes. I’ve watched relationships completely shift. I’ve seen people come in and others leave. I’ve seen the blessings of Divine timing. I’ve seen relationships on the verge of death be brought back to life. SO MANY BLESSINGS come from living gratitude in our relationships. The question is what do you want your energy to be on lack or abundance? Which one feels better? If you can answer those questions then all you have to do is make the choice to live in that energy! The energy you put in is the energy you will get back. Your relationships deserve the best you. It will help you see the best them. How beautiful is that? We have to want to live here and be willing to put in the work in order to see the blessings that come from living gratitude in our relationships. It really is our choice. Be empowered to do the work you need to do in order to change your life.

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Continue reading “90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 80 – Living Gratitude in Our Relationships”

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 79 – Healthy Communication Tools

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 79: Healthy Communication Tools

Before I ask you to sit with me,

I must be able to sit with myself.

Before I ask you to accept my pain,

I have to accept the pain myself.

Before I ask you to love me,

I have to be MADLY in love with myself.

-C.Thoth

In order to keep our internal homes clean for visitors (Day 74), healthy communication is key. We learn so much about ourselves by how we communicate with others. Our communication skills show us if we are in-line with our intentions of love and light, or if we are connected to our own darkness. If we are coming from a place of darkness (fear, blame, shame, hate, vengeance, ignorance, prejudice, AGAINST, name-calling, yelling, etc.), we are incapable of having healthy communication with others. We will bring toxic energy into the communication. Our intentions will be aligned with fear (darkness) instead of love (light). Having healthy communication with others is about us staying in our light and sharing it with others. We have the choice to bring light or submit to darkness.

When the person we are communicating with brings their light, and we bring our light, even in the disagreements there will be light. Both parties can connect even with differing perspectives of truth. The connection is through love, peace, and joy. When we stand for love and light, we are attracted to people who also stand for the spreading of love and light. Communication becomes so much more interesting when people start enjoying learning about different perspectives of truth, instead of condemning them. We can do this in our intimate relationships as much as we do it with individuals from across the world who are strangers to us. Our openness to gain understanding of where others are coming from spreads light in our homes and in the world around us.

“To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others.”

-Tony Robbins

10 Healthy Communication Tools

  1. Be aware of where your energy is. Are you communicating from a loving place or a fear-filled one? It can’t be both. If your thoughts are confused, slow down and sit in your awareness before you speak.
  2. Speak from a loving place. If you want the best communication, make sure you are speaking in terms of solutions (love/light), not problems (fear/darkness). With fear we get stuck in our own darkness and others are more likely to engage in theirs if that is where we are.
  3. Know your intentions. Be clear of what your intentions are with the person your communicating with. If you’re not clear, they won’t receive you clearly.
  4. Express your feelings. Speak in terms of I feel ____________ when you did _______________ or do ________________. This communicates your feelings without BLAMING and or making someone responsible for your feelings positive and/or negative. Another person isn’t responsible for making you feel anything, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not healthy to let them know that particular actions and/or words bring up specific feelings in you. Unless the person is unhealthy and sick, most likely they didn’t intentionally mean to cause you pain. Only when we are in our own darkness do we intentionally cause other people pain and suffering (we will be discussing that in the days to come).
  5. Listen from a loving place. When we listen from a loving place, we are adding our light to the exchange. This doesn’t mean the other person won’t stay in their darkness if that is where they are, but we don’t add to it. When we add to the darkness, we put ourselves into the darkness. Our light is dimmed and we no longer see clearly.
  6. Speak in perspectives of truth. Each individual has his or her own perspectives of truth (Days 42-46). When we can communicate clearly from this place, we don’t have the expectations of others being exactly where we are and to understanding our point of view. We don’t communicate in terms of I’m right and you’re wrong. Instead, we say this is where I’m coming from
  7. Listen in terms of perspectives of truth. The goal is to understand where the other person is coming from. Remember they are writing their own story. Listen for what their story about themselves is saying. Is what they are saying coming from perspectives of love or fear? How are those perspectives making them feel? How are their perspectives effecting communication with you?
  8. Take a break when needed. If communications gets challenging, take a minute to re-center yourself if needed. Go to the bathroom and take some deep breaths, align with your light and intentions, and pray for the words to help you communicate clearly.
  9. Agree to disagree when needed. Remember you are each speaking and listening from your own perspectives of truth. You can simply let the other person know if their perspectives are bringing peace to his or her life, you are happy for him/her. If you are aligned with your own energy and intentions, your perspectives are bringing you a sense of calm no matter where the other person is.
  10. End communications on a note of gratitude. It doesn’t matter how the communication went—You learned something! You may have learned beautiful things about a person where light connected to light, even if some of the perspectives were different. You may have learned where you still have work to do on your own dark corners, which awareness is a thing to definitely be grateful for. You may have learned about perspectives of truth led by fear that you can be grateful that you don’t believe because you see the negative effects they have on a person’s thinking. There is ALWAYS a place for gratitude.

Remember to enjoy the journey! We aren’t going to do this perfectly. We are all learning to be the best we can. We can only do this journey one step at a time.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff  ©2019

Need more inspiration? Read 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 79 – Committing to Healthy Communication

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 78 – Using Self-Reflection When We Are Triggered

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 78: Using Self-Reflection When We Are Triggered

“Self-reflection is the school of wisdom.”

-Baltasar Gracian

One of the best tools I ever received about how to become a better me through my relationships with others was by looking at others like a mirror. If a person triggers us—There’s a connection. Sometimes we are connecting to a part of ourselves that we don’t like, haven’t accepted, and/or hasn’t healed. People are our doorways to personal growth. Sometimes the person reminds us of someone from the past who we felt hurt by and that pain hasn’t healed so we take it out on the person we are interacting with now. These unhealed parts of us are creating toxic build-up within our bodies and our energy fields. Whatever way we cut it, if we emotionally react to someone else’s behavior it is affecting energy inside of us. No one is responsible for that energy but the person looking back at us in the mirror. The people who trigger us are our teachers. We have something important to learn from the interaction, and it’s not about the person’s behavior and/or words. It’s about our reactions to their behaviors and/or words. They are the storytellers of their own stories, and that isn’t our business. Our business is what is happening inside of us and how we are projecting our energy out into the world.

Once we are clear with what is going on inside of us, it makes it possible to have healthy communications with others. Even if they decide to stay in their darkness—We have the power to bring our light to the situation. In order to get there, we must first self-reflect.  Self-reflection is the only way we can decipher what is our stuff and what is their stuff. Once we know that—Life becomes so much less dramatic. Oh, and if you have kids, they are GREATteachers! Kids can get us to go DEEP into our self-reflection pond if we are open enough to REALLY look at ourselves.

“The greatest of faults, is to be conscious of none.”

-Thomas Caryle

20 Questions to Help You Dig Into Self-Reflection When You’re Triggered

  1. What characteristics about this person are creating me to have a negative reaction?
  2. Do I see any of those characteristics in myself?
  3. Do I see any of those characteristics in a person from my past?
  4. Is my reaction REALLY about the person in front of me?
  5. Why is what this person is doing or saying right now affecting me negatively?
  6. What qualities do I like about this person?
  7. Do I sense any jealousy or envy within me about what they have, what they do, whom they are connected to, and/or how they communicate?
  8. Is the person I’m interacting with being her/himself and I’m reacting because I’m expecting them to act differently than she/he is capable?
  9. Are my expectations of others really my expectations of myself that I’m falling short on?
  10. Is it my place to judge someone else’s journey?
  11. Who’s stuff am I reacting to—Theirs or mine?
  12. Do I have the power to change the other person? NO—The answer is ALWAYS NO.
  13. Do I have the power to change my perspectives? YES—The answer is ALWAYS YES.
  14. Is my reaction causing my tightness, discomfort, and pain? If so, is what I’m feeling serving me?
  15. How can I change my thinking to move myself to operating from a loving place inside?
  16. How does this exchange have the power to help heal past wounds?
  17. How can I help myself to stay in a place of peace while interacting with this person?
  18. Can I communicate/act from a loving place in this moment? If not, silence is the best option.
  19. Am I representing the energy I want to project out into the world in this moment?
  20. What actions can I take to shine my light in the darkness of this person’s words and/or actions?

Just keep in mind, we are NEVER responsible for the energy of others, but we are ALWAYS responsible for the energy we are putting out into the world through our feelings, thoughts, perspectives of truth, and actions. Self-reflection is the only way we can heal our energy and make sure we are projecting the loving energy we want to manifest out and reflect back to us. We reap what we sow.Make sure you are holding yourself accountable for your reactions to others. When we master our triggers—We know internal peace. Only then can we manifest peace around us. This is the path to becoming the change we want to see in the world around us. We can’t fix what’s outside of us, until we are operating from the best place inside of us.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 78 – I’m Triggered! Using Self-Reflection to Heal My Energy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 77 – How We Give Without Giving Ourselves Away

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 77: How We Give Without Giving Ourselves Away

“Respect yourself and others will respect you.”

-Confucius

Giving without giving ourselves away. We give ourselves away if we are lost in our titles (mom, dad, single parent, son, daughter, wife, husband, girlfriend, boyfriend, partner, executive, cashier, doctor, rich, poor, disabled, good Samaritan, Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Jewish, people pleaser, etc.) takes work. It’s self-work. If we don’t give time for self-work, our titles can become our identities. When they become our identities we’ve lost ourselves. Have you ever felt too spread thin because of all your titles?

From Day 2 of this series until Day 90 you are getting tools how not to give yourself away. The 90-Day A Better Me Seriesis the doorway into the work, but only you can choose if you want to step through the door. Otherwise, you are welcome to stay the doormat that lies down in front of it. There are many ways to do the work beyond what I offer here. I wouldn’t have been able to write the series if I didn’t find ways to do the work. I had to do the work to get to the place where I am now, and I continue to have to do the work daily to keep me here. I can easily fall back into giving myself away if I choose to stop doing the work.

We can follow paths that these titles have created, but underneath every single title, we are still here. We are still I AM.  I AM is a complete sentence, without following the path of any title, we still exist, our identities aren’t in the titles we carry. Grief of losing any title is SO MUCH WORSE if we put our identities into the title. Each path that a title takes us on are learning and growing experiences. There are going to be lessons and ways to give and to receive on EVERY path, but losing ourselves in the giving is when we think we ARE the title. We can be the best we can at any title we choose, and we can let the titles trap us in victim roles. Neither one is who we are. I AM is who each of us are. That is the beginning. So in order to NOT give ourselves away, we have to embrace I AM. Like I said, the details of these steps lie in each day of this series.

When we start becoming aware, more doors and pathways beyond the series will start opening. People will start showing up with more tools. Books will literally be mentioned multiple times in multiple ways unrelated to each other.  A topic you need to hear will be presented. It’s wild what happens when you decide to commit to the work. Miracles after miracle unfold before our eyes. One of the results of all this work is we NATURALLY don’t give ourselves away. It’s not forced. We don’t have to feel anger and resentment when people ask us to do beyond what we feel comfortable doing—Our energy remains peaceful. We can see the difference between what is theirs and what is ours.

If you are feeling a sense of excitement within you right now, that is a calling that you are ready to do the work. If you are feelings resistance, I highly suggest reading the entire series and see if that helps you feel excited. It’s FREE, and YOU ARE WORTH the time and energy, because this process is the bottomless well of life’s fuel. Instead of losing energy like we do when we give ourselves away (Day 28), we form healthy natural boundaries (Day 53) that replenish our energy instead of depleting it. We give when we feel a natural pull to give, we say no or delegate when we don’t. Our energy doesn’t shift with the chaos around us because the chaos is not who we are.  Here is a quick rundown of how to get to doorway of I AM, open it, and walk through it. Each step guides you to a part in the 90-Day A Better Me Seriesthat can lead you through the step in detail. Each part of the series is 30 days (Part I Days 1-30, Part II Days 31-60, Part II Days 61-90).

11-Steps to Giving Without Giving Ourselves Away—The Path of I AM

  1. Become aware of the titles you are getting lost in (Part I).
  2. Figure out what is blocking you from living as I AM (Part I).
  3. Accept and forgive yourself for how you’ve chosen to live that brings you pain and suffering (Part II).
  4. Question why you have chosen perspectives of truth that make you feel like you have to give yourself away to the titles (Part II).
  5. FIND YOUR VALUE AND WORTH (Part II)!!!
  6. Create new perspectives of truth (Part II).
  7. Give yourself the time you need to show yourself you value, love, and respect yourself (Part III).
  8. BE PATIENT and BE KIND (Part III) to yourself during this process because it takes time. Just think about how long it took you to become so imbedded in these titles that you made them your identity. There is a process of grief when we release our attachment to them. According to Kubler-Ross the 5-stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When they pop up recognize them and accept that is where you are in the moment.
  9. QUESTION YOUR FEELINGS, THOUGHTS, AND ACTIONS (Part III)!!! If they are creating chaos and drama in in your physical and emotional world, use your perspective tools. Figure out what energy you are projecting—Fear (darkness/lack) or love (light/abundance).
  10. BE PRESENT (Part III)! Only in your present moment does the connection to I AM exist. Slow yourself down and do the work step by step in the present moment to project the energy you want to be sending out into the world. When we are present, we don’t give ourselves away because our head is where our feet are. We are conscious of our energy and what we need to do in this moment to align it with our choices, doorways, paths, and most of all the Divine Energy that created us to be I AM.
  11. Give from a place of abundance (Part III). When we are full, our actions are full. We are giving from a place of peace. We don’t expect our actions to trigger someone else to do something to complete us. When we are giving from a place of lack, we are NOT contributing to the positive flow of energy in our lives. We are expecting our giving to fill a hole. So it becomes the black hole that we lose ourselves in.

When we take these steps we are living in I AM. We can flow in and out of I AM as we grow and expand. We have to make the choice to be in I AM in each moment, which is why it only exists in the present. When we reach the point of I AM on a more regular basis, our lives truly reflect the abundance of our existence. Our purpose becomes clear and we give without giving ourselves away.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 77 – Giving Without Giving Myself Away

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 76 – Using Perspective Tools to Navigate Our Relationships

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 76: Using Perspective Tools to Navigate Our Relationships

“Each time you are tempted to become angry, or jealous, or fearful and you challenge that feeling, you empower yourself.”

-Gary Zukav

In Part II, I covered the topic of perspective (Days 42-46). We can’t use the tools of perspective until we understand how our perspectives of truth affect our lives. Until we understand about perspectives we want to see us as right and them as wrong. This view is a dark path that leads to fear, anger, hate, resentment, jealousy, revenge, envy, and codependency. We ALL know the effects of these things on our relationships.

Using perspective tools to navigate our relationships opens us up to hear what our family members, romantic partners, friends, coworkers, bosses, clients, and others are saying and where they are coming from. The more we can use our perspective tools the healthier we will be in our relationships, because as we ALL know NOBODY is going to agree with the when, where, how and why of everything we do, say, and feel. Just like, we won’t ALWAYS agree with someone else’s choices.

Using perspective tools is away to reduce the stress of not seeing things from the same angle, because really, that is all it is. We will never have the same exact view of life as any other person. We ALL have the journey each of us are meant to have, no two will ever be exactly the same. If we plan on taking any kind of relationship path with a person, the best we can do is be open to try to understand. It doesn’t mean we have to agree or change our ways, but by understanding our perspectives of truth, then making the effort to understand theirs—There is peace. Communication will improve, but we will talk about that a little later in the series. For now, we will focus on how to use perspective tools to navigate our relationships.

5 Ways You Can Use Perspective Tools

  1. We are either interpreting the moment from a place of love (light) or fear (darkness). The first step is to look at what you and the person you’re communicating with are projecting, love or fear. If either party is projecting fear, question where the fear is coming from inside.
  2. We ALL have a story we are telling. No matter what happens there are lots of ways to write our stories. When we don’t like the way we feel, think, and/or act we can choose a different way. We give the power to our stories. We decide if our story is going to be led by love or fear. How do we want our character to treat the secondary character in front of us?
  3. Try to see from the perspective of the other person. This means you have to ask a lot of questions to figure it out. Don’t tell the person how they should feel, think, or act. Ask questions to uncover why they are feeling, thinking, and/or acting the way they are. If you take the time to understand where they are coming from it’s easier for them to hear you when you explain where you are coming from.
  4. Speak in terms of perspective. You need an understanding of your perspective of truth that works in your life. Their perspective of truth might work in their life. You can ask: Does thinking the way you do bring joy and peace to your life? If it doesn’t, and your perspective of truth does bring joy and peace to your life, you are now open to explain without telling them they HAVE to change. The choice is theirs. It all depends on the perspectives we choose to believe. If your perspective doesn’t bring you peace and joy, maybe the other person may have perspectives you may want to implement in your life.
  5. KEEP QUESTIONING YOUR THOUGHTS!!! Please, if you find yourself blaming, shaming, and judging others or yourself— Go back to Part I (Days 1-30) of the 90-Day A Better Me Seriesand work through what is keeping you from having healthy relationships with others. The more we question our thinking, the better we will be.

If we use these tools, we start getting real honest with ourselves about the people we are inviting into our lives. We start noticing the energy they are bringing with them and how we feel when we are around them. If they are large sources of darkness, the more we spot it, the more we can protect ourselves from it. We will get more into that later. Like we talked about yesterday, we first have to stay present with the person standing in front of us. Once we are present, we see perspectives of truth clearly.

Once we see that we are all just interpreting life through our own unique perspective, we stop taking it so personally when people don’t agree with ours. We can question our perspectives of truth without feeling violated. It becomes much easier to say, we just see things from a different perspective and that’s okay. This is why mine works for me… If yours works for you and brings you peace and joy believing what you do—GREAT!

After we learn to navigate our relationships through the use of perspective tools, it makes it much easier to see which relationships work and which ones don’t in our lives. The more peaceful we remain in someone else’s chaos, the more the energy shifts and changes. The other person will either find a place of calm with you, or they may start unconsciously trying to stir up more chaos to break the relationship. Either way, you will be blessed the calmer and more peaceful you stay. The Law of Attraction will work in your favor.

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 76

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 75 – Being Present with the People We Invite Into Our Lives

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 75: Being Present with the People We Invite Into Our Lives

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. People know themselves much better than you do. That’s why it’s important to stop expecting them to be something other than who they are.”

–Maya Angelou

We blind ourselves to see the people we are with when our focus in on the past and/or the future. We don’t see the person they are showing us. So much information is given in the moment. It’s the actions right now, not the promises of any unforeseen future that matter. If we allow people into our physical and internal lives, the best thing we can do for ourselves and the relationship is to be conscious in each moment we are with them. Sometimes we find that person doesn’t fit into the internal life we are working on living. They may have just meant to come in to show us a lesson, then leave. A person won’t leave our internal home until we shut the door. They will linger around stirring up lessons because we didn’t learn them when they were physically in our lives. Have you ever hung onto an unhealthy relationship for a lot longer than the relationship was actually about of your life? This relationship could be with a family member, friend, romantic partner, community member, boss and/or coworker.

“You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.”

-Tony Gaskins

When we are present with the people in our lives, we can consciously make choices that show that person how to treat us. We don’t lie down in front of them for them to wipe their feet on us, because we know we are not doormats. We have to be present with others and with ourselves to see how we are allowing others to treat us. If we love and respect ourselves, remain present, and stay mentally conscious, we will be able to respond in a way that is healthy for us.

“You silently teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself. Move yourself up your priority list immediately.”

– Lisa Marie Rosat

The reason I have Part I, II, and III of the 90-Day A Better Me Seriesis that it take us being and doing better before we can be treated better by others and treat others better. Only then can we be conscious with each person in each moment we are interacting. This is not a process that happens over night.  We will get the exact experiences we need to help us learn, grow, and expand our consciousness. Each person who comes into our physical lives serves a purpose. Each person we invite into our internal homes gives us our greatest lessons and blessings. We bring our light and darkness to the forefront through our exchanges. If we become aware and present— We learn, grow and expand our abundant lives!

10 Ways to be Present with the People We Invite into Our Lives

  1. Stop attaching to promises of the future.
  2. Actively listen to what the person is doing and saying—Are the two even matching up? Remember, they are showing you who they are.
  3. Let the past go and see the person who is standing in front of you. People can and do change, but only as much as they want to. The same goes for you!
  4. Show yourself love, so that you are treating yourself the way you want to be treated by someone else. When the energies match up—You will be consciously showing them how to treat you in each moment.
  5. DON’T EVER neglect your self-care! If you do, it will be hard for you to be present enough to see the person in front of you.
  6. Don’t expect others to do what you are not doing for yourself. You are the example they will follow in any given moment.
  7. Don’t expect others to be more than they who they are. If you are unhappy with the person in front of you—Change your perspectives, feelings, thoughts, and actions even if that action is to walk out the door and shut it. You aren’t responsible for someone else changing; you are only responsible for yourself.
  8. Be conscious if you are shining your light (love) or your darkness (fear) into your interactions with others. This means you are conscious of where your energy is while your listening and speaking and that your actions in that moment are reflecting the energy you want to be contributing to the situation. This keeps you PRESENT!
  9. Ask yourself—What is the person I’m allowing into my life teaching me in this moment? What am I learning from how I’m feeling, thinking, believing, and acting? Is there anything I can change in this moment?
  10. Be honest about who you are! If you can’t be honest, that is not a healthy relationship to have in your life and it will only contribute to growing your own darkness. When we are present, we see who belongs and who doesn’t belong in our lives. You have to love yourself enough to embrace the person you are. The people who genuinely love you will stay. The ones who don’t will leave. You can save a lot of time and trouble by being honest in your interactions.

Enjoy the journey of presence!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 75 -Being Present With the People I Invite Into My Life

90-Day A Better Me Series: Day 74 – Inviting Visitors Into Our Internal Homes

90-Day A Better Me Series

Part III: Living the Journey

Making the Now Count: Rebuilding our Lives

Day 74: Inviting Visitors Into Our Internal Homes

“There are no accidents. People come in and out of our lives for a reason and where we end up is where we were destined to be all along.”

-Mandy Hale

People can walk in and out of our physical lives and never be invited into our internal homes. The people who come into our homes are ALWAYS invited. We choose whether or not to allow them to have space in our home. We do this with our feelings, thoughts, and beliefs about a person. We write them into our stories whether they are hero, villain, teacher, student, friend, or foe. We choose the space each person holds. We can also choose not to let them have any space at all.

“Invite people into your life that don’t look or think like you.”

-Mellody Hobson

The next few days the focus will be on these visitors and the places we create for them in our physical and internal lives. The process of becoming a better meis about taking our personal power back. We are responsible for who and what we allow to be apart of our inner worlds. We can’t control what others do or how they behave. We can’t save people from themselves. We only can show them our light or darkness. It’s up to them to do the work be in their light or darkness.

We can choose what effect we are going to let another person have over our inner worlds. If we don’t like the effect that is happening in the moment, we can take steps to change it without ever expecting the other person to be different than they are. That is the beauty of taking our power back.

We CAN give visitors seeds from our gardens. We CAN invite them into our internal homes.  We CAN ask them to leave.  We CAN learn from our experiences with them whether the experiences bring joy or pain. We CAN allow ourselves to love. We CAN allow ourselves to feel pain, grief, and sadness. We CAN change our minds! We CAN change our feelings! We CAN change our perspectives of truth! We CAN change how we act. We CAN change how we choose to react. WE HAVE THE POWER!

These things are apart of our journeys. Everyone has a purpose on this Earth. Whether a person makes it out of the womb or lives into their 100s. We are here to learn, teach, grow, and expand. We choose whether our expansion is from a loving place or a fearful one. Each person can teach and learn from a place of love or fear. We choose how we want to absorb these lessons into our internal homes or dilapidated shacks. We are the only ones with the power to change our lives. We have to decide whether to live life or to let life live us. Part of how we do that is being conscious of how we treat ourselves and the people we invite into our internal homes.

The energy we project out dictates the visitors we allow to enter our physical and emotional worlds. If we don’t like what is being manifested around us and what is coming back, we have to change the way we take care of our inner world. No one else has to do anything for us to feel different than we do in this moment. The only person who NEEDS to change if we aren’t happy—Ourselves!

Who are you inviting into your world? Keep reading!

 

With Love and Gratitude,

 

Rachael Wolff ©2019

Don’t forget to read today’s companion piece: 90-Day A Better Me Letters Series: Day 74 -Who Am I Inviting Into My Internal Home